My day got considerably better, due to many things. First, I put on some music. Dunno what it is about listening to music, but it is a definate mood thing with me. I know what music lifts me up, and I know what music makes me mellow, and I know what to put on when I'm sad. So I loaded up winamp and chatted to my friend Alan, the second part of my pick-me-up. Alan and I have been chat buddies for 3.5 years. And it's not someone I occasionally say "hey" to. We talk for a significant amount of time almost every day. We'll probably never meet, but it really doesn't matter. I doubt if we could be better friends, even if we met.

We've been through hell and high water together, and through everything I went through with Mark in the early days...Alan was the only one that kept telling me to hang on..hang on..hang on. I know he saw me sad and depressed and lonely, and occasionally it got so bad he broke down and suggested that maybe it was time to put some distance between me and Mark and move on. (Advice I never listened to.) But for the most part he nudged me along, every single day and helped me stay strong when my dignity and my strength was at all-time lows. He told me something that he probably doesn't even remember, but it stayed in my mind, and every time I wanted to give up, the words always came back. He said "When all is said and done, he'll see you're still standing there".

And it really was true. Mark and I were both floundering and trying to find that perfect someone..not seeing it in each other. We did eventually, but it took a long time to get there. Alan truly was the only person that kept me feeling like there was hope. I have tears in my eyes just thinking about how special of a friend he is to me and remembering everything we've gone through together.

I really do love you Alan, and I wanted to tell you thanks, buddy. You're one of the best friends I've ever had.