Desert Sand Mica

Whatever, just crash it Bob...


Random things that seemed important to write about:
*I love napster, still. It's like a poor crippled child now, but I still love it with a passion.

*My Friend Peter is the greatest song in the world right now. It's total attitude music to me and it is fitting perfectly with my current attitude. I can listen to it 10 times in a row and never get sick of it. Actually, I cannot *stop* listening to it.

*I have been thinking about BN. I miss him a lot. I think that is really an important stage of what I'm doing. The thoughts I'm having are so profound and melancholy that I know I am passed a very sad stage of what's been happening lately, and looking at the pieces of everything else there is to pick up. What did I lay by the roadside along with my self respect? I need to get my finances in order, see what's left of any relationships I've let slip through my fingers. THe BN one is history but there are other friendships that could use some fostering. Listening to some Good Charlotte, I wanted to have that in the background when I was thinking about him. Heavy deep regretful sigh.

*Was thinking about when Amanda used to fly alone to see Bob when she was sooo little. I used to cry like a baby! Sometimes she was only gone for a few days, sometimes most of the summer, or so it seemed. I get very 'veklempt' when I talk about Amanda and the past. She and I endured, to be sure. And now she is a grown up woman with decisions, and problems, joys and heartaches of her own. I dont know every detail of every part of her life, and she doesnt know mine either. But I am so intensely connected to her, we basically grew up together, she is older now than I was when I had her. I have called her late at night after listening to a song that reminded me of her...just to tell her, well you know...

*I have had a couple of thoughts lately about the aspect of having to choose between friends. What if you absolutely had to choose? Im in such weirdness mode now because of whispers... (ok this next part is TOTALLY "danelle-code" - dont even try) MC would win, because of the sesame seeds in the door. But I just dont know if I can ever completely turn away from Rons pet. I just dont see it happening.

*The whole MC thing is a hoot, anyway. It's like we have too much to say and not enough time to say it in.

*I wonder what Joe is thinking lately. All of the sudden, things are turned upside down, and nothing is as it was before. People are here all the time now, (me) and I spend every night completely in my room, with 11 windows open at a time, music blasting. I must either look incredibly busy, or incredibly pathetic. He knows the score, I just think he's never had to see it first hand. Guys are oblivious to what we go through over them. Joe sees it every day.

*Matchbox20 reminds me of very little...I am so thankful for that. SO much of my favorite music is unbearable to listen to right now. And I really, really love Matchbox.

*Was telling MC how much I love Charlie. Im so glad kt has him, they get each other through so much, and their affection is so evident, and healthy.

*I think it's funny to remember what we did before this. Before we webbed, before we blogged, before we had people all over the world at our fingertips every night. It's an amazing thought, the capacity of it all.

I think thats it.
It's an I look cute day, btw.


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