I have to code some of this, Im sorry.
This morning was a complete nightmare from hell. Last night was not much better. Rob came over, but didnt come back as promised. Bleh. And Ss was no akee. Last night or this morning. Mark and I hooked up early to go garage saleing. Man, cut the air with a knife, would you? He asked me later if I was being grotty at him. I mumbled something about its me, not you..blah blah blah. Ok afternoon, found some stuff; a new in the box, unopened, little green clean machine for 30 bucks. I need it. An office chair for 5 bucks, and a bunch of little shit. Hes o'ff getting wine and beer for tonight and for sotck up, since he was at applejack (whatever you say). Were gonna throw together some lasagna and stuff for dinner, i am so starving, i cant wait....

Tomorrow am allegedly having lunch (dinner?) with BF Dan. Would like to go to a movie or something too. Im craving other peoples company at the time. Why is that..weird. Wrote to CPD even and said Id like to see him..and that I would even drive up. 3 hours, but I do really feel like I need to see him. I feel like I left a lot of things undecided. I feel like we thought we had more time, but we pissed it away. Does that make any sense at all? I just really feel like I need to see him.

I wrote to TJ63, too..believe it or not. I havent seen him since his moms funeral. I left him alone for a few months, then started emailing him to see if I could get him to hook up. Looking promising. What a friendship that turned out to be, truly once in a lifetime. We will lay on our deathbeds and remember each other I think. How many people can you say that about?

Vegas is looming, I wish things were sweeter. I dont want it to be awkward or uncomfortable. I want to have a grand time that I will remember the rest of my life. Its so close, if we can just make it through this week. This week will be so stressful...minutes from the Board Meeting (which was really weird, btw), lots of work, freaking out about Vegas, too. Thinking a lot about the flight. I really hope I dont feel claustrophic. Ive gotten so bad, I cant even sit in an enclosed car. If I am waiting for Mark to come back to the car for some reason, I have my door cracked open, otherwise I feel like I am suffocating. Im nervous about the flight anyway, Ive never flown as an adult. Plus the increased sensitivity to being closed in lately makes me worry I will be very uncomfortable. Then, to top everything off with a nice red cherry is all the worry I will be feeling about the 53. What is going to go on there? Its different..it feels like. Bleh, I just want to have fun tonight, and tomorrow, and in Vegas. Thats all I want. I will look at things closer after that.