Desert Sand Mica

Whatever, just crash it Bob...


Im not feeling well at all. I feel like I have the creeping stomach crud. Trying to just ignore it and hopefully it will hate the inattention and go away.

We're planning a nice indoor day today. Dy and Emma will likely be leaving soon, after that we're gonna make a fire, play some scrabble and watch movies till my eyes wont stay open any longer.

It's been a oddball weekend having both Dy and Emma here. Dy's fine company to have around, she doesn't ask for much (nothing!) and sincerely appreciates the hospitality shown, even if that just means a fridge full of soda and toilet paper on the roll. And she was a fine thrift store shopping companion...she buys more for other people than for herself....just like I do.

It's been more oddball pertaining to Emma, tho. Normally Emma and I would lay on the couch together, watch silly shows, read, color crazy pictures and eat lunch at the kitchen table together. But with Dy here, Emma really didn't say more than a couple of words to me all weekend. And I didnt get any of the normal Emma rushing in to the room.."Nell..Nell...I love you". Not one. Ah well... I was surprised that I missed getting her dressed, giving her a bath, fixing her hair. All the silly stuff. I didn't feel like I had hurt feelings or anything, just kinda like I had the weekend to myself physically and emotionally..and didn't know what to do with it. It's totally understandable and no one's's just the way of kids. If mom's around, pretty much no one else exists. And that's the way it should be.

I've had a lot of really bad dreams this weekend, and Im not sure why that is. Had one Friday night about Emma going down the toilet. (Don't tell her this - she's already deathly afraid of this happening). We could barely see her still, but couldnt get her out. Weird.

Had a really disturbing one last night that brings tears to my eyes even recalling it just now. For some reason Mark and I were homeless, and were staying in some hovel downtown. I seem to remember in the dream that it was near "California St." somewhere. (We do have a California St in Denver). Anyway, it was really disgusting, we literally had no possessions. The mattress was pink and it had leftover puke on it from someone else. I remember that very distinctly. Anyway, for some reason..Mark and I had to seperate. I don't remember why, and we didn't want to, we just had to. So we were both somehow wandering the streets without each other...but we kept leaving and finding all these little notes and codes to each other. Signals that each other had been there. Eventually one day I found some cryptic note that took me a long time to figure out, but finally figured out that it means to meet him back at the old place on California. We reunited there...and that's pretty much when I woke up. I was crying about it when I woke up, but I told Mark about it and he said it was a good dream, and means that no matter what happens to us..that being together will be the most important thing. *sigh. That's damn sweet.

So, my stomach's settled a little, and I think I can tolerate some coffee. S' gonna be a good day.


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