Here is the Birthday Weekend Blog..10 days later. shush.
Thurs May 17, 2001
10:13pm

Ok I am at marks house and trying to get my shit together. It’s been bouts of franticism with a little bit of craziness sprinkled in. I have a really bad headache, which is probably due to the fact that Mark was getting on my nerves and then we had a screaming match. Lol, I guess everything is ok now. I am nervous about the interview tomorrow, and about the whole weekend. I guess I shouldn’t be, but I still am. I can tell already this laptop is gonna piss me off. I still need to try to explain the check deal to Mark and he’s not gonna get it and he’s gonna get all weird. Bleh. More later

Friday May 18, 2001
9:15am
I’ve forgotten how to get the CDRom out and put a disk in. arg

I don’t feel like I’m ready for this interview. I’m too preoccupied and I feel like I just want to get it over with. I need to get in the shower and start getting ready but I am unmotivated and tired. Fell asleep on the couch last night and felt so groggy like I was drugged. Still have to work out the check deal. More later.

2:00pm
Sitting on the fun bus – woo hoo. What fun it is to be sweating your ass off. We’ve been assured that the air will come on when we get started. A good mix of people a lot of Hispanics for some reason. One guy a very cute but seemingly “slow” Cuban was talking to me in line. He is going to a monastery in snowmass for a week to pray. Very interesting, considering he chatted me up for a good 15 minutes yet he is going somewhere where he wont be able to speak for the next 7 days. He said he needs to get centered.

The interview seemed to go pretty good. I liked the woman that interviewed me but not sure about the job in general. Some aspects I really liked is that it looks like it’s very self sufficient and supervisor-free for the most part. Able to work from home sometimes too, that would be nice. The job actually seems rather dull but I think I could hang with it for the right amount of money. Gonna write more later, this is making too much noise when the bus is so quiet.

Left my gray sweater at marks. Bleh

**
Just leaving the Denver terminal, this is so exciting. Jim, our bus driver is very nice. Just gave us the run down of all the stops, etc..man they make a lot. Apparently we make a supper stop somewhere oh, Eagle before we hit Glenwood Springs. I would rather just keep on truckin if I had things my way. Course no one ever asks me. Our first stop is Idaho Springs, which will be cool. Maybe I will shibbay up there, dunno. Ok, loggin off for now and gonna put on some serious tunage. Later.

Ok, the stop in Idaho Springs was literally just that. Like a stop at a stop sign. Not a get out and smoke a cigarette stop. He told someone the next stop was in Frisco, in about 30 minutes, I have no idea what “kind” of stop that will be. The driver is having a very loud conversation with a passenger about roofing materials. How long certain roofing materials last, the advantage and disadvantage of each kind of material, etc. etc. Zzzz

I’m extremely pissed off about my hair. I didn’t have time to curl it right before the interview, and there’s been no oppty since then. Tried to go home, thinking I would have maybe 15 minutes but I forgot I don’t have a key. Total wasted trip.

Geesus. I’m already filthy. Dunno how long t his battery will last so I’m gonna get outta here for now and do something else. Nervous about the whole Dave meeting, but nit that much really. I’m looking forward to it more than anything. Wishing I didn’t have to come up completely destitute, but I will survive.

4:30pm –

Just left Vail, wonder if Dave wonders if I will be on the bus. He really won’t know until I get off. Good god, I hope I don’t look like shit. We are having a dinner stop in Eagle, and I hope there is somewhere there to freshen up some. Listening to Mariah Carey right now. Slept through a matchbox cd, that was nice. The cd, not sleeping through it.
Only a handful of people left on the bus, the Cuban, a college student, the roofer, a Middle Eastern lady, a weird lady that is doing word searches, and two other people. I have headphones on so I’m not sure what kind of conversations are going on. Its nice and sunny outside, but the air is definitely crisper. Glad I brought my coat and a sweater. Getting a little nervous about the whole weekend now, but I think it will be fun. I hope his softball buddies are nice, and not to googly about him bringing someone. I have no idea what’s in store for the whole relationship as a whole, but this is definitely an interesting start. The logistics of things could be a pain in the ass, should anything look like it has potential. I really need some shibbay. Hopefully Eagle is just around the bend. Took my headphones off so I could hear some of the conversations goin on. The Cuban and the college student are talking about how Vail is a resort town. The Cuban is very talkative, and like I said before he seems a little slow. It’s hard to put my finger on. I heard him talking about religion to the college guy for a bit, re the monastery. I heard the college student say something about a sect, the Cuban said it was more of a blending of religions. Whatever group or religion he is in, is advocating coming to the monastery for some reason. The Cuban talks about Miami a lot, he loves it. Just ask him he’ll tell you. Ok, over and out for now.

5:25 pm
Wow, really close now. Getting a little nervous. Didn’t shibbay up anywhere, I guess its better that I have all my faculties.

Funny how everyone on the bus now is talking to each other. The Cubans name is warren. There is a very young punk girl that is going to gjunction to see her 3-year-old baby. The banter on the bus is near school bus decibels. The Cuban is super psyched. Oh wow, we are really getting close. I just hope it isn’t horrible. The view is amazing up here and the sun is just right. I should be taking some pictures but I will wait till I am on terra firma. I just freshened up a little bit at our “dinner stop” which turned out to be Conoco. We had 15 minutes to do whatever. I smoked a cigarette, talked to the roofer, said hello to the punk girl and contemplated shibbay. That was my amazing dinner stop. Not a bad trip all in all, coming home will be longer. Coming up here has seemed to go by pretty fast. I only read for a little bit, seems like you don’t really have time to start doing much of anything before its time to stop again. Ok, gonna see if I can weasel my way into a conversation. Probably wont write again till tonight, if then. Thanks for the company…

Sunday May 20, 2001
12:00pm

Wow, what an incredible weekend. I haven’t had the inclination to write or even blog even tho there was plenty to write about. I’ve just been having too much fun. Now I have so much to write I know I will run out of battery before I run out of things to say.

The bus is just pulling out now and I was sad sad to leave. I always get so sappy when I leave somewhere. Man, I dunno if I can even put everything into words. I like Dave so much, and I truly was so sad to see it end. Fuuuuck 6 hours of driving ahead of me. Well riding, not driving. Where do I begin to talk about the weekend. I just want to say first that the whole Dave experiment was a huge success, he was fun, generous, sexy, and so kind and polite. I had a great time at softball and everyone was generally very nice to me. I am anxious to see him again, worried that it will be a long time, I don’t want it to be. The whole thing has a lot of potential, if I don’t fuck it up.

I need to just sit and be melancholy for a bit I think, was crying when I got on the bus, and still having jags of it now. Gonna watch Grand Junction disappear into the distance and try to get myself cheery. Didn’t shibbay this weekend, by the way. Thought about it several times, but didn’t really have the time or inclination. I had too much fun to go home, I know that.

1:51 pm

Just pulled out of glenwood a bit ago. The ride there seemed endless. Kept feeling bouts of incredible emptiness and dread. First off, anyway it’s nice to get away anywhere where the phones not ringing, there’s no mail for you and everything wrong in your life seems distant and unimportant for a while.
Then the realness of what you’re going back to is really dismal.

Ok, the bus. A Lions and his wife, a cute hispanic woman with a walker, a kid traveling alone, looks like about 13. Seems like a good kid, reminds me of Daniel in some ways. He seems kinda freaked out to be traveling alone, but too cool to let anyone know. There is a child on the bus, I couldn’t figure out who it belonged to, then figured out it was the bus drivers. Must be her grandson or something. He’s FOUR years old. Geesus how unprofessional can you possibly be? He’s noisier than hell and running all over the place. When we first got close to Glenwood, a guy behind me – kinda slow and stupid started laffing hilariously at everything this little kid started doing. A really deep belly laff like Joe has when he watches tv. Like it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard. The kid would say “when are we gonna be to the toooowwnn?” and the guy behind me would just roar with laughter. Now, he just moved to the front seat of the bus where the kid is sitting, and I’m starting to think that maybe that is his dad or something. Maybe not tho, cos if he was, the driver would be talking to him and she’s not. Lets see who else..umm a Native American guy…with a chiseled cigar store Indian face, and a long black braid. Right off the reservation. Havent heard him say anything yet. The guy right across the aisle from me seems the coolest on the whole bus. He’s reading a book about American History, which is very weird cos he seems the type that would be very anti American. He has longish hair in a high half ponytail, khaki pants and sandals. Most of the time he spends barefoot in his seat in the lotus position. For part of the ride he was actually feet flat on the seat, and squatting. He was reading in this position. Reminds me of what they describe as the rainbow people. He was talking to a another guy about trying to find some rolling papers. When we left Gjunction the driver said “you cant smoke on the bus, either cigarettes, or the fun stuff. That’s exactly what she said.

The little boy is yelling “the arrow, the arrow the arrow the arrow”. He is such a brat.

Thought of something funny when we pulled into Glenwood. I saw the village inn, and said wow, wouldn’t that be cool if he were here? Just for fun? I think the thought might have crossed his mind if he drove by the village inn on the way home. But he would have dismissed it as childish. I just thought in my sappy “I don’t wanna go home” mind that that would have been the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for me. It sounds like im whining that he wasn’t there, I never would have expected it in a million years, and knew 100% and then some in my mind that he wasn’t there. It was just a random thought that flitted by. I’m still getting a little teary eyed if I focus on anything about the weekend for very long. I’m wondering if the absence makes it seem rosier, but I don’t think so. So strange, tho. Thrown together 24/7 for 2 days plus with someone you dont know anything about. I didn’t even know if he’d been married (twice..i know, I know..) or if he had any kids. I was pretty sure he didn’t have any kids. (he doesn’t) I knew there had been a recent breakup and that it had been painful, but found out most of the details of that yesterday on the Colorado Monument. The mirror image of recent events in my life compared to the story he told made me cry right in front of him. How he handles it and how I handle it is so different tho. Whereas I like to keep everything at hand, he likes to put it in a box and lock it. Thought for a while that maybe that was the only way to resolve those issues, but Dave convinced me that everyone has their own way that helps them cope. Not that I appear to be coping all that well, however.

Bleh – more about that later, the kid is screaming about some damn thing. Mostly he doesn’t talk about anything, he’s just making noise. Words sung over and over in the most irritating voice. Uh oh – a 15-minute stop. More later

Mmm 6 year old cheese on cheese crackers for 35 cents. Cant beat that with a stick. Everyone is reloading. The bus, not their weapons. I think now that the slow guy is not related to the little boy. He played with him outside but there is no relation, you can tell. Nice people on this bus.

Thought I wanted to write more about Dave, but its kinda making me sad. It has the air of an arranged marriage. Like where you’re thrown into an intensely intimate situation with someone you don’t know. I wish I had a clear inkling of his feelings. And why cant I write about or think about the weekend without getting teary eyed. I always try to remember how good the feeling is when something good is going on so I can feel it again when it’s over. It never works, and its really not working now. All I know is it really hurts to think about it being over. It was the best birthday I can remember. Funny how sometimes you feel like someone is being too nice. Like “why are they doing this for me?” And I got that feeling with Dave sometimes, but he does it so naturally that you know it’s pure, and a reflection of his true self.

I struggled a lot with the “should we or shouldn’t we” decision, and ultimately decided we shouldn’t. I was afraid it would turn into a casual friendship, and I don’t what that behind us. If this weekend was all we ever had between us, I didn’t want that to be part of it. It just would have made it feel cheap, or something. And it was so good the way it was. I know I had the oppty and the invitation, but I just didn’t want that as part of the memories of this weekend. I would look forward to it if anything should come of this, however…. I guess I’m getting old and casual sex is losing it’s luster.

I don’t even know where to begin to write about what we did, we did so much. Lots of driving around, which normally I don’t like all that much. I wanna have a destination and just get there. I think tho that driving across the country and looking at stupid stuff would be an amazing journey with Dave. He finds the quirkiest little sidetrips and knows more about the trivial fun aspects of a town than just about anyone, I’m sure.
He knew so much about Gjunction, not just history but the fun facts that most people read and forget. Where the founder lived, why grand junction became the railroad mecca, lots of little silly things. We took some great little detours here and there and found everything from the quaint and charming to the disturbingly rundown parts of town. The parks in grand junction are on every corner it seems, and are head and shoulders above any neighborhood park I’ve seen. They’re absolutely tranquil and serene, and laid out to be so inviting that you can’t drive by without stopping. We sat in one this morning for about an hour and it was great. A couple came by from across the street with their rabbit, and just let him sit in the grass. The girl was in her pajamas still and that made it all the more charming.

I need to write about the specifics about what we did. First he picked me up in glenwood, and we were both a little nervous I think. Went pretty smooth, and we talked like we’d be friends a long time after just a few minutes. We drove to parachute to eat, at a place called Outlaws. More waitresses than customers and still mediocre service. This was my first introduction into the trivial facts Dave knows. He knew a lot of stories about the people that ran the restaurant, facts that rivaled the most watched soap operas. We thought it was funny that there was a lottery machine about 3 feet from our table. Class….. I was surprised at how many people in the restaurant looked alike. All senior citizens, calling every employee by name. The men with a John Deere hat on, the women with big vinyl white purses. Fun place.

From there we went to Grand Mesa, so Dave could show me the petrogliphs on the rock that no one knows are there. We missed a grand photo oppty that I will just leave in the bag. He know what it is. He also pointed out a place where there are shelves in the rocks where wild horses are stranded. I didn’t see any horses, and doubted the credibility of the story..now and then. Lol. More fun facts about every town we passed by. Did you know Rifle is the only town named after a weapon? Well, I didn’t either.

God, so much to write and no cohesion to write with. I’m tired and blah. We just passed Exit 171 near Leadville. We are so lucky to live in such a beautiful state, and so unlucky as to never take the time to really see it. More later

3:14 pm
Just leaving Vail, added a passenger or two. One woman, very blonde and preppy got on and sat right behind the little boy. She has no idea what she is in for. I suspect she’ll be moving farther back any minute. Great someone has just stopped the bus. She is outside and telling the driver she needs to get her bag or something. Now we are just sitting here.
God, this driver is annoying. Oh I see, someone is getting on the bus. Now people are running to catch this bus. 1, 2, 3, 4 people. Great, more people getting on with ticket problems. We have to wait for them to go in the terminal and figure their business out. One new girl, kinda hippy looking just sat by the annoying “am I related to the brat or not” guy..again, she doesn’t know what she is in for.

Oh man the kid just started acting up and the weird guy came forward and said “I’ll keep an eye on the little buckster” He probably likes him cos he identifies with him on an intellectual level. I cant wait to get home and be able to write unencumbered. I think when we pull out I will try to sleep. The driver just went inside the terminal , I guess to see if the new people got their ticket problems figured out. Theres a language barrier problem, I’m sure that isn’t helping at all. She told them a minute ago to get off the bus and go to the terminal and buy a ticket, and he just kept walking passed her to the back of the bus. She wrangled em in finally. The ticket problem people are now on the bus, right in front of me. If he reclines his chair I’m gonna be unhappy. Gonna sleep. More later.

4:15 pm


In the Eisenhower tunnel now, should be in Denver in a little over an hour. I don’t think I can sleep anymore. I wonder if anyones thought about me on the bus. Wondering where I am exactly, and how im faring. Probably not, I’m flattering myself.

We don’t have any more stops until Denver, so thought I would wrap up the on the road part of this log before I actually got home. I have a lot of details to elaborate on, but can easily do that tonight. Strange how when you first leave somewhere you’re visiting, you don’t want to go, but the closer you get to home, you get happier to be going home.. It’s been a total escapist weekend, I saw some great scenery, and met a lot of fun people. And most of all my heart was pricked by a very nice guy.

More at home.