Was just now hearing the kind of niceties that are so nice, they are unnerving to hear. My heart is so incredibly fragile, I feel like. i want to read between the lines, but I know what the fall is like when I do. Now placting my mind and body with oreos.

I remember when I was 18 years old, I knew I would marry Dan. We'd only ever even seen each other face to face twice. Everything else was either by mail or by phone. This was B. I. (Before internet.) Then we married a few years later, and boom...Two years after we were married, I knew we weren't gonna make it for the long haul. I could see us trying and struggling for a long time first, but eventually..we would not be together. Now 15 years later...bam. Divorce City. I kind of have that same feeling now..the first one..but it's so different. So much more mature. And that always scares the crap outta me when I start feeling this way, cause the hammer coming down is never far behind...

Im reading a great great great book. I got it at the Booksale! It's called The First Sin of Ross Michael Carlson. It's about this sensational murder that happened, the trial, etc. This 19 y/o Mr All American boy killed his parents, and claimed Multiple Personality Disorder as his defense. It was a groundbreaking trial, but the coolest thing is that it happened about 2 miles from where I am sitting right now. It's so cool to read the book and smile at all the references he makes to the roads and restaurants, business and hospitals that i drive by every single day. I can't put the damn thing down. I took it to Pueblo today and read it for about an hour on the way home and finally decided I was probably being rude, and that Mark was probably feeling ignored.

It makes my day when someone I dont know reads my blog and writes to tell me about it. I always wonder what you think. Do you understand my life? Are you completly lost and confused? Does it make you laugh? am I a dumbass? Is it possible Im not as attractive as I think I am? (aahh..Seinfeld reference..)

I am so not looking forward to going to work tomorrow after the wonderful chewing out I got today. I need to buck up, I know..and I will. It just sucks.

I'm going to bed. It's so cozy there...cos of the nice words.