Desert Sand Mica

Whatever, just crash it Bob...


I've mellowed a bit in the past hour. Mark and I tidied up everywhere, in prep for the new dish coming tomorrow. Whee! Changed the sheets, vacuumed, all that good stuff. Not that the dish guy is gonna see the sheets or anything...this ain't no Penthouse Forum, yanno.

I'm up entirely too late for my own good. Mark and I hate a late conversation about stuff..just reasons we are glad to be together, and things that disappointed us in past relationships. How we felt taken advantage of because of things that happened in the past, and how glad we are that we are so up-and-up with each other. We've both rebelled a bit and have some baggage that is hard to let go of because of previous transgressions against us.

Personally, I am a maniac when anyone tries to tell me what to do. No one tells me what to do anymore, even if it's as simple as "maybe we could put the Tupperware away without the lid on, so it stacks neater." Um no. I put it on with the lid on, because otherwise I will never find the lid. "And oh, by the way, you are an inconsiderate assholish troll for even suggesting it."

Ok, I don't actually say the last part, but I might as well. My attitude certainly reflects it.

Here's another good example. Mark does his budget and any other monetary planning in an excel spreadsheet. He has formulas, and columns, and cell rules and everything is beautiful.

I write my budget in notepad, nearly in storybook form:

"I need to put $300 in acct #1 to cover insurance, which comes out on the 2nd."
"Deposited $500 to acct #2 on Sept 12 - will cover dental insurance and KT senior pictures"
"Paid Public Service on Sept 4, $290"

That's how I do it. I do it every month. For each month of the year there is a notepad document in my computer, with similar entries. And it works for me. I can look at the document at any point of the month, and see what needs to paid when, and what money is coming in from where soon.

This drives Mark batty!! We've had discussions about it. We've had arguments about it. He teases me relentlessly about it. But I don't want to do it his way. I like my way. So what if it's dumb, or unorganized or cumbersome. Everything gets paid on time, and I always know where my money is and where it's going. The very few times he has either nicely -or even firmly- suggested I do it his way, has been met with scorn and snarls - and gnashing of teeth. It has left him with the opinion that it is far less painful to just let me do it my way.

You know, I didn't cook for two years after my divorce. Absolutely refused to. "There's food in there, you know how to make it." Mark had absolutely no idea I possessed the wonderful (if I do say so myself..) cooking skills that I do, because I just refused to lift a pan. It was a total holdover from my past, which we won't go into because some people are nosy and ultimately out-of-touch. I'm sure you can surmise.

Mark has his own little things that get in the way sometimes too. Or used to, not so much anymore. Funny how time and trust changes so much.

And funny how when you just let someone be themselves, and encourage them to grow and branch out at their own pace, the relationship becomes unshakable, and a minute of your life without this person in it is just unfathomable. And how even after 4 years, every day feels like I am the luckiest person on earth.


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