Blah blah blah. I can't study anymore, I'm not retaining anything anyway. I'm just gonna have to wing it and hope for the best. I start reading something and within 2 minutes my mind is drifting away..

"Verification of endotracheal tube placement should be completed in all intubated patients, and reconfirmation of endotracheal tube position should be..." la la la oh lookie, bright shiny things over here...

"A foreign body may partially or completely block a victim's airway limiting or stopping the flow of air to the lungs. A choking victim who..." la la la hey did I turn the oven off?

See what I mean? It's just not working.

And besides trying not to study, there isn't much else going on.

_________

My mom wrote and said that my cousin Paul Jr. had died today. He's from my dad's side, in North Carolina. I haven't been to see those folks in about 20 years, but I remember a few things about Paul Jr. He was disabled, I believe he had cerebral palsy, (Edit - my mom thinks it was polio...)it was fairly pronounced. He'd been in the hospital lately, at Christmas my dad showed me a recent newspaper article that he was featured in, and he was in the hospital then.

He was 57, and from what I've read and some folks I've talked to today, that was a ripe old age for someone with his condition.

I always really liked Paul Jr. and had a bit of a soft spot for him. I felt bad that he had to be plopped so defenseless in the middle of that family that never seem to be able to all get along at the same time. There's a lot of love in that family, but there always was a lot of bad-mouthin' and dislikin' going on.

The one really strong memory I have of Paul Jr. is once when my family was there visiting and we went bowling. I got upset at my dad because I thought he was being too hard on Paul Jr. He was doing the best he could, and really we were all just there to play and have a good time and my dad was saying things to Paul Jr. like - "C'mon!! what was THAT?!" "What game are you playing ANYway?!" "Ohh, brother!!" Maybe he was kidding, but it didn't sound like it and I know I was crying.

I think I said something to my dad about how Paul Jr. was trying as best he could, then I went to sit away from my dad and near Paul Jr. and would tell him what a good job he did every time he threw the ball, even if he guttered it.

In my dad's defense, he's a different person than he was back then. He's a lot softer, kinder, and he would never make someone disabled or struggling feel bad for one second. He's always on the side of the underdog, and would give you his shirt if you needed it, then stand there and shiver and tell you he wasn't cold at all.

I'm sad and sorry that Paul Jr. died, but I'm glad too. I'm sure he's marveling at his new body that moves like he wants it to. That's the problem with cerebral palsy victims and the like. They've got it all "up there" but their body won't cooperate.

I bet he's doing somersaults, and making granny and papa (who've already been up there a spell) watch him run back and forth, making his legs work like he's wanted them to do for half a century.

Nite nite Paul Jr.






I know your life on earth was troubled
And only you could know the pain
You weren't afraid to face the devil
Were no stranger to the rain

Go rest high on that mountain
Son your work on earth is done
Go to heaven a-shoutin'
Love for the Father and the Son

Oh, how we cried the day you left us
Gathered round your grave to grieve
Wish I could see the angels' faces
When they hear your sweet voice sing

Go rest high on that mountain
Son, your work on earth is done
Go to heaven a-shoutin'
Love for the Father and the Son.

Go to heaven a-shoutin'
Love for the Father and the Son.
Go Rest High
~Vince Gill