Desert Sand Mica

Whatever, just crash it Bob...


Denny, denny,'re one of the few male bloggers that are over there. I could never cut you. I probably would never hear the end of it from my sister anyway, who reads you religiously. There have been modifications, though.

I have just spent an entire evening vegetating in front of bad tv. It started at 6 with Six Feet Under, which I tape for Drew every week. Then Sex and The City. then I finally caught an episode of Anna Nicole. Oh my good Lord God. Are you people watching this? This is insanity. First of all, she's huge. I mean..I'm huge, but she's Anna Nicole. She's supposed to be the epitome of sexiness. With makeup on she looked like a two bit hooker. And with her makeup off. Oh good lord, that is scary. And her assistant! Who is this woman? She's the most trailer trash dumb ass I've ever seenin my life. Do you know what she really is? She's Anna Nicole's only friend and gets paid for it. Anna Nicole has no friends to call up to come and give her moral support while she gets a tattoo, but this ignorant slime ball is there...because she's paid to be. And she is uuugggllyy. This idiot has a tattoo of Anna Nicole on her arm. And her designer. Could he be anymore over the top?! Luxurious! It was fascinatingly appaling. I hope they never cancel this show.

Next up was the Osbournes. I watch them regularly, and I love this show. Ozzy is the biggest mess. He is gone, literally. His brain is so fried, he's not sure what day it is. He rambles around fumbling wiht a trash bag and meanwhile there's this gomer-ass music playing that gives the whole scene an air of Captain Kangarooness. Tonight was the best one yet. They were fighting with their next door neighbors, who were playing techno music till all hours of the morning. Sharon finally had enough and went over there to tell them off. But you know those brits..well maybe you don't. But when they get angry, they don't hurl the typical American insults that we're used to. They sound proper and polite, even though they are incensed. She's yelling "You silly arse!" "Let me see your silly arse, you arse. "Come over you silly cow and 'ave a cup of tea!" "Come on, come on big boy."

ouch. lol.
Meanwhile, the neighbors are hurling spiked insults that would make your ears bleed. Finally, things reach fever pitch when the Osbournes start hurling rotten food over the retaining wall. First came a large ham with black spots all over it. This brought the police who chastised Sharon who promised "no more food over the fence". Finally Ozzy wakes up and gets in on the action, Sharon encourages him to toss french bread, apples and oranges over the wall. But he picks up a log and breaks a window. sirens. The End. It is the most fun you can have on TV in 30 minutes, I'm telling you.

"Things were so nice when Pat Boone lived next door.."
~Sharon Osbourne


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