It's really weird, but the whole fire thing..I think back to how it all went down and it's like it didn't really happen. I look at the pictures that I took of the firemen - which were right after the fire was out - and I barely remember it. I know when Mark and the cops were screaming for me to get out of the house, I was completely out of it. I knew the entire car was in flames and yet I was getting in the cupboard to get a bowl to put water in! A bowl!!

It's like from the moment that I opened that car door and saw the flames, everything was twilight zone. When I was up the street with the rest of the neighbors, I was sitting with my head on my knees shaking really bad, and listening to the sounds of everything happening, but I just was not processing it. The "booms" of the glass breaking and tires popping were deafening, but I just wasn't registering what it was. It all seems so surreal. God, it was so fucking scary. You have no idea how incredibly fucking scary this incident was.

I don't know if it's a body reaction thing or what, but I just was not registering that this was really happening. It's like you're going through the motions, but thinking "this really isn't happening".

And when I go outside and walk by the cars, it's really sad. I've cried about it so much, and I just can't stop.

It's extremely creepy to look at the car. It's a scary sight to behold. Just when I think I'm feeling better about it, I break down again. Like now.

And the uncertainty about what will happen with all of this is numbing. I have to mentally acquiesce that I will never be compensated in any way and will just have to suck up and save to buy another car. Good God, how am I going to do that? So for now I have to sit and wait to be carted around, trying to arrange errands while others are going to be out and about.

I can't wait till this is all over and the cars are gone, and the memories fade a bit.