Desert Sand Mica

Whatever, just crash it Bob...


It's really weird, but the whole fire thing..I think back to how it all went down and it's like it didn't really happen. I look at the pictures that I took of the firemen - which were right after the fire was out - and I barely remember it. I know when Mark and the cops were screaming for me to get out of the house, I was completely out of it. I knew the entire car was in flames and yet I was getting in the cupboard to get a bowl to put water in! A bowl!!

It's like from the moment that I opened that car door and saw the flames, everything was twilight zone. When I was up the street with the rest of the neighbors, I was sitting with my head on my knees shaking really bad, and listening to the sounds of everything happening, but I just was not processing it. The "booms" of the glass breaking and tires popping were deafening, but I just wasn't registering what it was. It all seems so surreal. God, it was so fucking scary. You have no idea how incredibly fucking scary this incident was.

I don't know if it's a body reaction thing or what, but I just was not registering that this was really happening. It's like you're going through the motions, but thinking "this really isn't happening".

And when I go outside and walk by the cars, it's really sad. I've cried about it so much, and I just can't stop.

It's extremely creepy to look at the car. It's a scary sight to behold. Just when I think I'm feeling better about it, I break down again. Like now.

And the uncertainty about what will happen with all of this is numbing. I have to mentally acquiesce that I will never be compensated in any way and will just have to suck up and save to buy another car. Good God, how am I going to do that? So for now I have to sit and wait to be carted around, trying to arrange errands while others are going to be out and about.

I can't wait till this is all over and the cars are gone, and the memories fade a bit.


Post a Comment

<< Home