Desert Sand Mica

Whatever, just crash it Bob...


Dan is already ultra-stressing about what Daniel has to wear for his sister's wedding. He's wearing the exact same thing he wore to Amanda's wedding. And hers was a big, virgin church wedding. Dan's sisters wedding is likely to appear more like a kegger than anything else. Someone will surely end up in a fight.

Anyway - it soo remonds me of how things were when I was married. And it jolts me into the realization that I am the luckiest person in the entire world right now.

Good god, it seems a lifetime ago. Dan would fret and worry about every detail. About everything. Holidays. Cleaning. Events. Everything had to be exactly perfectly right. And in truth - getting it exactly perfectly right was easier than pissing him off. But damn it was a lot of work, and it sucked. Amanda used to have to mop the ceilings in the bathrooms. We vacuumed, scrubbed and mopped every room, every day. I have a chore chart and a .doc of house rules on my harddrive that would make you shiver. He was extreme, to be sure. The stories I could tell...

Actually, doing what I am doing right now..sitting at my computer late at night typing a journal..would be something I would have to be sneaking around to do. Dan hated the computer, and viewed it as Satan himself, nearly. I had to completely conceal all my computer use, and hurry and sign off and clear my cache while he was pulling in the garage. He frequently checked the history, and confronted me with every site I visited.

We had a Christian-sponsored ISP so many sites would not even load. Any site with any objectionable word (via a filter, which Dan controlled) would not load. I can't even begin to tell you how ridiculous this was. We couldn't even open our e-mail.

I am the happiest I have ever been right now. To remember that old life with Dan and how sad and lonely, and scary it was...and to see the life I have with Mark now, makes me know that I am taking things for granted today, and I sometimes need a nudge to appreciate it. This is the kind of relationship that you always hope you'll have, and the man you wish you could find. I need to remember to cherish all of it, cause I've seen the other side.

I just hope Dan can let loose a little, I think he must be a little calmer now, or his wife wouldn't be putting up with that I don't think. I have heard tho, that he harasses her a bit about her weight. Something I heard comments about daily for 14 years. Let's not go there.

I'm a little nervous about them driving so far anyway. I worry too much about "things that could happen", and feel a little bit of pins and needles till they're back. They don't even leave until Thursday and already I'm wishing they were back! Keep them in your thoughts next weekend, and hopefully the trip will be pleasant and safe. (and quick - for me!).


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