I found this last night, and I'm sorry I didn't make a note of where. If it's yours, I will certainly credit you if you like. I just thought it was hella funny.

EMS Pearls of Wisdom

As an EMT, over the years you learn a thing or two. Here are some lighthearted things I've "learned".

The patient who is screaming that they're going to die, won't. You will wish they did
Believe the patient who says they're going to puke If they don't, you've lost nothing. If they do, forewarned is forearmed
Don't believe the patient who says he only drank one beer
Teenage girls vie for the Academy Award especially if all their friends are around
A quiet child is a very sick child
If you can't walk, you're going with us
If you've been on the floor for three days, you're going with us
When the doctor told you that you could have a drink of wine after supper, he didn't mean the twenty ounce tumbler
All children like to blow the siren including your driver
There's no such thing as death with dignity
Some things only hot lights and cold steel can fix
If God wants you home, there's nothing I can do
Piss me off with your whining minor drug OD you WILL drink the charcoal
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs you're working a scene with the fire department
The police are your friends
You can climb three flights of stairs with a broken leg to call EMS
The two most important questions to ask your patient:
Can you walk?
Have you tried?