I wanted to write last night, but wasn't feeling quite up to snuff, so I didn't. Now I am blank as to what I wanted to write about. I hate it when I do that.

This weekend is the whole Rens Festival/Monte Vista dealio. I hope everything is friendly and happy, I don't want any bad feelings or weird issues to come up. I value MX's friendship and I dont want to do anything to throw a wrench into it. Sometimes we are right on target and have the same feelings, but sometimes I feel like I have to defend, too. I suppose it would be like someone touting Dan's virtues to me, when I know better. I would like to be able to put those feelings aside tho, and just try to have a decent friendship.

Had to go pick up Kt from Charlies last night, and missed another oppty to see Raul. We just never could get it together this week at all. We tried to make several arrangements, but then something always got in the way, usually me. I did want to see him, am hoping he doesnt think I was blowing him off. Now looks like he wont be here till August.

What is the story with CPD? No story, no nothing. Supposed to be here 23 and 24th..but doesnt want me to stay with him. Further indication that we are worlds apart on a lot of critical issues. Im not traditional, he's ultra so. I'm not ethically and morally bound in every situation, he is painfully so. I want to see him again, remembering the way I felt when I left a few weeks ago makes me think there is something worth persuing, but I think he might not think so. There's really been no effort whatsoever to lay any sort of foundation. He's never even asked for my phone number. We'll see. Im definately not going to put my heart in a situation to get burned, and thats what I feel like I'm doing. He's not interested, obviously. Any serious attempt at conversation only leads to his sarcasm and joking, again a major irritant. How can I know where I stand if I cant ever get a straight answer? Mostly I just give up, and now I've quit trying. The attraction isn't mutual. I don't beat dead horses.

Had dinner with Michele last night. Man, talk about a weird load of shit. Hank is gone, moved out completely. I thought those two would be scratching and biting till the end of time. She is amazingly intact, getting ready to go to Camp IdRaHaJe this weekend, for the summer. What a great oppty for her and Jose, something they will probably remember for the rest of their lives. I think it will be something that Michele looks back on as something that got her through this time. Devron is gone, he left home about 6 weeks ago and hasn't talked to Michele since. What great kids... Seriously. I know she busted her ass for them for the past 19 years, and withstood more than a person should have to..for them. Brandon is working and going back to UNC. Jose is going to camp too. I know this is part of the plan for her life, she just cant see the forest for the trees sometimes. Once you get out of the mess, and take a look at it from a distance, you have a much better perspective on how bad life sucked before.

Am waiting to hear on the DPL job. bleh. It's taking too long.

Didnt contact my mom on her birthday. Now its so late its embarassing. She sent me $30 on my birthday with a nearly unsigned card. Thats almost just as embarassing. It's a slap really. Wish I could have afforded to send it back. "thanks, no thanks"

I think we are getting a kitty. He's very cute and precious, and kt is pissed as hell. She'll love it tho. His name is Shotzy.

More soon