Desert Sand Mica

Whatever, just crash it Bob...


Its Monday...dont talk to me
I had a shitty night last night, and am in a mood. Trying not to be, but still am.
I've got to find some willpower.


Later same day:
Regarding regrets: I can most honestly say that I have so few. The risks I've taken in the past 3 or 4 years have all be worth the price paid. And even now, there are a lot of sore spots in my life, but I wouldn't have changed one thing. And to this day, I make choices that I know make the healing harder on myself. But I know that for the most part, I have made the right choices. I have failed, I have triumphed (rarely, but it happens) but the getting there has been the real ride...
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end
the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'dve had to miss the dance

The word for the day is Hot - it is..!
Had a fun weekend, thank goodness it isnt quite over yet, but it's winding down. Did not get my computer back at work on Friday. That was a huge bummer. Let's see, Friday night did some steaks on my new little barbie..that was fun..then basically just sat around. Too bad Joe wasnt here to see the real food we were eating. Saturday we tried to go to the park, but it started sprinkling and that put an end to that! We went and got fast food and a movie and went to the Coles Camp. Fell asleep during Space Cowboys. Mark is gone taking Emma back home, and then he wants to "chill" and go to bed early..oookay..then. I have to run up and get kt at 6:30, so whatEVEH. Daniel and I went to the gun show, then to the Hoffbrau for some lousy service and good food. More later, Im hot.


The word for the day is Friday, thank god thank god
My pc at work is in the hands of the incapable IT department. Inconvenient, and stressful! I backed everything up like a madwoman, so hopefully all will be well.
Great fun last night, went to Emerald Isle with the Coles Camp, Katie, Raschid, Bonnie, Gary, et all. I always love seeing them. We bugged out a little early so Mark could work on Joe's pc, plus Emma was getting restless. I love the deck at the Emerald Isle, no better place to watch the sun go down. Gorgeous!
Had lunch with RC yesterday, a great South American Restaurant in North Denver. I enjoy his company a lot, we are going to try to get together again before he leaves. Our mannerisms and personalities are completely bi-polar, but he is very interesting. Finally found out he is a Geophysicist. Wasn't quite sure up to this point what his actual title was. He is so polite and formal, very refreshing...especially lately.
Have been chatting and corresponding with Di a lot lately...that is very n ice. I like her so much, and really feel like there is no anomosity, which I think was both of our biggest fears. I knew I would like her. Interesting facts and perceptions, however. I validate her thoughts, she validates mine. Very
I guess thats about it for now, gonna BBQ some steaks tonight, if I can find a grill somewhere!
Phrase for the day: Does it upset your tummy, Joe?
Trivial moment for the day: If Joe ever successfully tapes a TV show, it will be a miracle


The word for the day is boyfriend...angst only understood by me and Megan
A really bad night last night. The CCamp had an Asian invasion, so that was torturous in itself. Then, to make things 800X worse, our ISDN was down. We roamed around the house like lost puppies. We of course took some crazy pictures first. Then, we were gonna go get some food and fun, but the check mark wrote me was dated for Friday, for some unGodly we couldnt cash it. So we went home. Sat around watching tv with Joe for a while, and MrLD called. That was the high point of my night. Decided we were going to form a FBA (fuck buddies Anon) club so that we could talk each other through the temptations. We are having a contest to see who gets it first, but not by current FB. God, that's pathetic. lol Again, I so want to be in Maryland right now.
Am seriously considering the suggestion LD has made about distancing and muddy waters. It would be so much easier if there was something on the fringe. Maybe it's better that there isn't, better healing I think. I know it's unhealthy, but then again so is eating chocolate 24/7..which if that was available to me I would have a hard time turning down too. It's not been all hellfire and brimstone good lately anyway, so maybe this is the time. I dont think I can do it, but maybe I will give it a shot. Katie and Megan are here at work with me right now. TYDTWD. They are gonna go cruise the mall soon. Katie has found a typewriter and is in heaven. "This is the greatest thing and I need one" She is completely overwhelmed at the antiquated IBM Selectric. She is typing like a madwoman.
Tonight we are doing the Emerald Isle I think with the ColesCamp. Should be fun. I am leaving at 3:45 so that's ultra fun. Also, having lunch with Raul, so that will be cool.
Joe had Rachel over again last night - only i didnt know till i came out of the bathroom from a bath with just a robe on! lol He is also having a girl come from Tampa this weekend. woot woot. Man, we need to clean big time. Our apartment is a disaster, like no other. Ok, I think that's it for now..more to write, but not in the mood.
The phrase for the day is: Maryland, Maryland I need to be in Maryland
Trivial moment of the day: We really need to clean.


The word for the day is backup - can it ever really be enough?
Nothing nothing nothing going on today. Bad words and vibes at the Coles camp last night, just misunderstandings, etc. I think everything is copesetic now. He stayed home today to ahem.."telecommute". Riiiight
Not sure what the dealio is tonight with Raul. I havent heard knows. Tomorrow gonna do the Emerald Isle with the brit and hopefully Racshid and Bonnie, we'll see. Should be nice outside for it, for sure. Only other plans so far are the gun show and park on Sat. Woot woot.
Looks like I am probably staying home tonight. Actually really looking forward to that, if that's what comes about. I need to clean up, big time. Poor Joe.
Let's see what else. Nothing from Mr.LD today. Not sure what his deal is. He called me at work yesterday tho, that was extremely cool. Bleh - just feeling bleh. More later maybe when the fog has settled in.
The phrase for the day is - blank for now
Trivial moment for the day - I am bored bored bored


More weirdness -
Joe is here and I think he's mad about something. I dunno, Im telling you - he's like so on the edge of anger all the time! We know its steroids. He will seem like he's all in a bad mood and then he will start being funny. Maybe he's bi polar. Hey a bi- polar bear. Like he could either be a a polar bear that's manic depressive, or he swings both ways. Very interesting.
It's early and I'm antsy. I still need to put my makeup on. Oh no, Joe is bangin around. what does that mean...oh he is cooking something now. This is the ABC blow by blow Joe show. Oh god that is so great.

I want to be in Maryland soo badly right now.

How come the only html I know is bold and break. Im pathetic

Do you know where Charlie is? God..that could be a great webpage. Mmm ideas rolling around...the "where are they now" page. Not past and present, but like we are mad cause we cant talk to someone. Like if Charlie is missing...or someone I want to talk to is mysteriously not around, we could go to that page and contemplate where they were. I just asked Kt where's Charlie..and she said "I dunno, out with those fuckers..of his town.." thats exactly what she said. And the other night she asked me where's mark....and I said some choice words too. Lol. ok, I think this might work. The only problem is that none of the people we talk about could actually have access to the page. I know, we will make it a team blog, that only certain people are allowed into. Oh this is so great.

That idiot keeps signing off and on..what is her deal? I smell a skunk. I just want to spew but I am so much better than ok i have to go
Phrase for the day: Well, it's only tuesday
Trivial moment of the day. The shoes were in the purple bag..cha


God i am such a bitch. Anyway -
The word for the day is oooh, it was hella. Can i change it 12 hours later, same day? Im gonna. The new word for the day is weirdness. There is so much weirdness.
Ok, lets see whats happened. I need to come up with a code, first of all. Too much I want to log but not reveal completely. Anyway, I cant do that right now. Ok, well...DrK has crawled out of his hole for the time being. Good to see, but some real weirdness there. Am gonna look at the log more closely tomorrow when the fog has lifted to see if there's any need for real concern. Um, what else - KCR is all about weirdness too. "Hi, I'm a 5th grader". Best way to describe it. Makes me think of a giddy 11 year old that sits under the bleachers, so he can catch a glimpse of a girls underpants. Good God.
At this point, I was seriously considering ending dating all together for a time. There's numerous rationales I came up with, but mostly it's just because people are getting so damn weird. Im busy, Im going to school, I need to get caught up on some things, blah blah....mostly its just cause the weirdos are piling up. Enter Raul.

I "met" Raul online a looong time ago. Normally typical for me is to chat pretty much exclusively with peeps that I see some sort of potential with. Even if its just a common interest that leads to only friendship. So Raul messaged me one night in early 2000 sometime. I of course immediately looked at his profile and saw he was in Mexico. Stereotypes fly thick in my head, and didn't blow him off completely, but pretty much decided then and there that this was maybe a chat buddy and thats it. We talked for months and i shared a lot of struggles, etc with him. Sometimes I blew him off completely if I was in a bad mood. Well, after all this time, he turns up in Colorado, for a short business trip. We decide to hook up, and oh man...what a difference it makes meeting someone in person sometimes. I didnt really know a lot about him, because he wasnt on that often, and was always so polite and motivating to whatever crises I was having at the time, and thats largely all we talked about. Turns out he is the most interesting man I have met in a long time. I know he is too busy to read this, so I'm He is a professor at the University in Mexico City, and his parents live in Ixthapa. (I will look the spelling later, be nice), and also works for at an Oil Company doing research. He went to the school of mines and now has his Doctorate. He is extremely well spoken and I had such a good time talking to him. He's so articulate and polite. His english is very good, but he speaks very formally. He said "you have such an energy from your mouth, your smile..." wow, is that something? He wants to go out again before he leaves, which is just in a few days. No ltp (formally known as long term potential) but a very interesting person that I want to get to know better.

Ok, lesse - what else. Oh, I was making strange observations tonight, while driving ..waiting, whatever. Here's some:
Most people, if you had to ask them right this minute, would not know if their sun visor in their car was up or down.
Waitresses are nervous

God, I was thinking of all these things, now I am blank. More later. Maybe
The phrase for the day is: Hey Chica
Trivial moment of the day : I still dont know where my shoes are

The word for the day is hella. Everything is hella
Monday morning, hella drag. The weekend was great, tho. One of the best lately. Saturday we got up and had breakfast with Mark and Emma. It was Me, Kt, Vermin and Daniel. Di was supposed to join us, but was running a little late. So then we finally made it to the zoo, and it was freezing. We traipsed around a bit, saw the stuff Emma really wanted to see, and then decided it was just too cold. the whole Di meeting was great, no problems whatsoever. I like her a lot, and I feel like a big mystery rock has been moved. There were a bunch of other folks there, it was quite the celebration. So , then we all went back to Mark's for cake, etc..and that was fun. Everyone finally left and we rented a couple of movies. Ok, listen! Are you listening? I stayed awake for 3 entire movies. Watched Double Jeopardy, then Meet the Parents, then Crash...a movie I had been wanting to see forever. Very erotic, oh man...very weird. I highly recommend it to anyone that like quirky shit. Nearly a porno, careful! lol

Then Sunday, as usualy was "let's all go to Northglenn!" day. Went and picked Kt up at Vermins. Then Me, Daniel Mark and Emma went to CC Mall. I dont like that place, really. No fun stores, and just plain hella blah. Emma had fun climbing on the breakfast playground tho. Last night we all hung out at my place and watched "Millionaire" then had a discussion about how fast you could look up questions on the 'net for people if you were their "phone a friend" buddy. We tried it on one question, and had time to spare. lol - we're so damn weird. Not too much else, we stayed up late late chit chatting about religion and other thought provoking absurdities.
Joe made fun of our food again. He started going through my grocery bags as soon as I got home and reading the nutritional info to me! Then, he showed me how he broke down and bought junk food. PRETZELS! lol

Not much going on today, getting caught up on some file maintenance, and getting ready for them to come and carry my pc away on Thursday. God, oh god..dont let anything go wrong! Supposed to have dinner with RC tonight, would really like to be able to pull that off. Up to now, it just hasn't come together right. Hopefully tho.

A sidenote - Emma is being trained to be anti-binky this week. God save us all

Phrase for the day: Joe, come look at the groceries we bought!
Trivial moment for the day: I came to work with no shoes on. I couldnt find em. I wore boots in, but have sit here at my desk all day shoeless. lol


Ok oooh i like this keyboard alot - clack clack clack. Finally i dont feel like i am squishing my hands on some miniature keyboard. ok so lets see, so Mark was cooking, and he brought me the electric piano. My day was instantly redeemed. Di was coming up tonight to bring emma, mark had to go, but he stayed as long as he could, i think..very very nice.
Still getting reeled in by Mr LD, dunno where the hell that whole scene is going. Talk about problematic. But for some reason, worth pursuing at this point. Total and complete weirdness with KV. God, I cant go into detail but lets just say there is some intervention needed that I am not succeeding in providing. He's a lot more depressed than i had originally thought, and there are so many red flags I just cant go anywhere with that than mere friends...and if the current situation doesnt improve, I dont see that standing a hell of a chance, either.

Also heard from Ray - he thought i was mad, i thought he was know. So we're gonna try to hook up soon. We decided online tonight that there is no long term potential, but that we really like hanging out together.

There have been a zillion kids over here all night, nice that they could come and hang out tho. vanessa is spending the night and going to the zoo with us tomorrow. Very cool. Am nervous about the whole Di thing, but I think it will be ok.

Am in a great mood, listening to American HiFi again and wondering if i should break down and go to bed early. Ack - so unlike me. Just had a nice N&W tho - lol so i guess that makes it more cozy to go to bed alone. Except that i have no sheets on my bed. I dunno what happened to em, kids just come in here and hang and they get torn off. Insane.

Ok, time to go -
Lets see_
The phrase for the day is - Its 4/20
Trivial moment of the day - I am stealing money from the government...I work for the state and do nothing - all day, every day.

Wow - what a fun day it turned out to be. Came home and Mark was cooking..yes cooking. And he had a great present for me...allegedly early birthday, cause Ive been bummed out...A GREAT Midi keyboard. Played with it till i knew I was boring everyone to death. God i have to change this keybaord...brb

The word for the day is weekend.... - the most perfect invention ANDits 4/20 - that r0x
Went to meet KCR at JD's last night. I really dont have a lot to say about it right now. No potential, put it that way.
Then went to Marks, we intended to do some more shelves work, but Lowe's wasn't cooperating. We went to Toys R Us and got Emma's birthday pressie. He got her a cute big plastic slide. Tomorrow we are all going to the zoo, i cant wait..big fun.
Im not in the mood to write, later..


The word for the day is Thursday - it is, and thats pretty cool
Man, I feel like I have so much to write about. First of all Karen just told me she had a dream about me last night: I was sitting at my desk cutting out all these tiny nude pics of myself and pasting them to the inside bottom of cups and everytime finished a cup of coffee or something there was a nude picture of me...! And everyone's reaction was just like "hmm" not horribly startled....we are trying to figure out what it means. Weird!
Went to No Frills last night, after watching Mark work on Joe's PC forever and a day. I am waiting for an email from Joe, telling me what the status is. We drank a lot of Caffreys and got very silly indeed. We talked a lot about different things, what our relationship means to each other, how hard it is to meet quality people, how hard it is for others to understand our friendship sometimes, etc. I always love those conversations, it really helps me keep things in perspective, and I always have a good outlook afterwards. So, right in the middle of this deep meaningful banter, this guy sits at the bar next to us and starts muttering to himself, and giving the barman shit about some odd thing or another. We knew it was coming, and it was only a matter of time before he turned to us and started chattering. Turns out he is this guy named Gary that is a veterinarian that kills cows. He said he was like Mengele. He said he was a veterinarian and then discovered that he hated animals. Actually what he hated was horses. He said they are dumber than a Japanese tourist in a New York Subway, whatever the hell that means. He rambled on and on about how life is a series of accidents, blah blah. It actually started an other deep discussion tho, about how things in our life..good and bad have led us to where we are today. So finally we went home and continued our discussion there, delving deep into our psyches and unveiling what makes us tick. Actually it was probably just drunken rambling. - Maybe a little of both.
I am allegedly going to the zoo this weekend with Mark, Emma Di and some other peeps. Im really excited, it should be hella fun. I hope the weather is nice!
Guess thats about it..
The phrase for the day is blah - i dont have one
Trivial moment for the day: I think im anti underwear now


The word for the day is grouchy - yes I am
Today is a "dont F*ck with me" day. I have had several run ins already with people who are wishing they had bypassed talking to me, I think.
Katie and I went to Las Delicias last night with KV. Was fun, but good god we were in no condition to be there. First of all, I had absolutely NO idea where the place was. I had printed a map at work, and left it. So here Katie and I were driving in rush hour traffic, completely out of touch with reality and I have no idea where I am going. I had glanced at the map at work, so I knew some of the streets I was looking for. Somehow....someway - we found it, and were only 5 minutes late. Amazing

God, I really have very little memory of any of that..scary! lol Katie and I were laffing so hard, thinking of what we would normally do in this situation. We would have picked up my cell phone (which is not working at present) and called someone that we knew was online and coherent (operative word) enough to find the address and directions for the place we were looking for. We decided that this was the most pathetic existence known to man. First of all, what was most distressing, besides the fact that my phone is not working anyway, was that we could think of several people who would be online, but very few that would have the where-with-all to find directions for us. A sad state of affairs, indeed. Here is the jist of the conversation:

Me: "Who is home and online and smart enough to find directions for us?"
Katie: "Well Vanessa and Charlie are home, but they cant do it. I mean, Charlie is smart, but I just dont think he could do it."
Me: "Well what are we gonna do?"
Katie: "I dunno, where's Mark?"
Me: "(unprintable expletives)"
Katie: "We're screwed"
Me: "Yup"

It reminded me of many times I had called people (mostly Mark) when I was lost. One time, I was in Conifer and was so lost, I thought it was hopeless. But, eventually he got me where I needed to be, through what he would deem a very frustrating conversation, I'm sure.

I decided during this time of driving completely lost that traffic in and of itself is a very scary thing. Machines of death moving along at "yes this would kill you" speeds, and most people completely oblivious to their surroundings. Also decided that the slow lane is for people who want to drive exactly perfectly. Also concluded that checking out at the store is a very weird experience, or can be, just cause people themselves are so damn weird. I think I'm becoming too observant for my own good.
While we were having dinner we got on the subject of shibbay for some reason, and Katie replied how incredibly weird it was that not only did every friend she had imbibe, but also every single adult in her life as well. We laffed long and hard about that. Tis true, albeit disturbing...maybe not.
Ok, I have to stop for now. I have a lot more to write, but I'm bored of this and I am hungin...later


God this blogger is pissing me off...I am so sick of losing posts. I think I am going to move it.
The word for the day is randy - dont ask!
Let's up incredibly early today to meet Steve G for breakfast. That was fun..he looked really cute and it was fun to get caught up on everything that's going on. It was hard getting up early, but worth it. The went for Vietnamese food with the girls from work..(Cheryl, Maureen and Kristy) and that was great. We were silly and ate way too much food.

Tonight KT and I are having dinner with KV, I think at Duffy's. I couldnt think of anywhere else that was central, halfway between our houses. He lives so damn far! Should be interesting...Kt will like Duffy's.

Joe bwoke his computer, completely. He's getting registry corruption errors, and all Mark had to say was "oooh, thats not good" my experience that means it's really really bad.

Was SO damn pissed i missed "The Weakest Link" last night. Read the Ya-hell guide wrong and missed it by an hour. Really ticks me off cause I just sat around doing nothing waiting for it to come on, when it was on the whole time. Was yelling through the house!
K - guess thats it for now..ZZzzz
The Phrase for the day is Spring Rolls and Noodle Bowls
Trivial moment for the day - I really, really hate driving


The word for the day is gray - everyone and everything is just gray.
Am having a horrible no-good very bad day. It was worse, but then Katie called me from school and she was having a day like mine too. So i went up there at lunch to see her. We're standing in the hallway of her school both of us crying, and hugging. We talked for a few minutes and then decided to take off. Found a Taco Bell eventually and both of us felt better afterwards. Life is just very hard for both of us right now, and there is no end in sight to the problems we have. When I left her, I started crying and realzing to myself that that relationship is paramount to me, above anything else, and anything and everything else is trivial in comparison. I thank God for Katie, and I sincerely hope and pray she can be happy soon. Im still incredibly bothered by whats going on in my mind today, but I can cope. It's baby steps. Every day is baby steps.
The phrase for the day is - hell i dunno i cant think of one
Trivial moment for the day - There is a Taco Bell on every corner...until you need one

Everything and everyone sucks - I want to go to bed and pull the covers up over my head and stay there until I am happy.
Life is just one big smack upside the head after another...


The word for the day is meddies - I am so sick of taking meddies!
I am still not getting any better, I'm gonna have to break down and go to the Doctor I think. What a drag.
Had a fun weekend..BLackhawk was very fun Friday night KV was very nice and a real gentleman. Got home entirely too late..around 3 in the morning, then sat up talking to Joe till after 5. Saturday was catch up on sleep and try to get well day, (that didnt work). Mark and I started tearing out his wall where his shelves are going to be, and I fell asleep on the couch watching the Talented Mr Ripley. I wanted see that too! arg! I need to start watching movies sitting up. Then today we went to Lowes to get all the parts for the shelves and came home and started working on that. Lots of drywall everywhere, but we finally got it all off and the hole made where the pc's are gonna be. It's gonna be awesome. Ok, leaving again...thats all for now...


Everybody's working for the weekend
Everybody wants a little romance
Everybody's goin off the deep end
Everbody needs a second chance - whoa!

Man I am in a great mood!

I am sitting at my desk with my shoes and socks off. I definately have become too comfortable in my job.
Am getting excited about Blackhawk, tho dont really know what to expect. No pressure, blah blah blah. Same old song and dance. Mr. LD is off for the day, thats a big pout. We talked a bit today, he is too nice to be true. He allegedly is going to call me at home tomorrow night, that is NOT a big pout. Now, I just have to figure out what my phone number is. Seriously, got an email from Average Joe, saying his number was ringing as my number, etc. Fuckin' USWorst. He did get his NIC card working tho, and fixed my VCR. He's great. He's superman.

Katie called to tell me she is ditching 8th hour. Isn't that considerate of her? What a gal.

The Coles troup is doing the playplace and the hardware store today. Helllo? My two favorite places in the world. Cha! How dare them. Sunday is going to be "build the shelves behind the computer" day at Coles Camp. Can't wait. Drywall makes me crazy! lol

Ok, lets see what else. My head is aching beyond belief, but Cheryl just gave me some sinus medicine so I should be hitting the floor any minute now. Either that or I will be getting loopy. Any guesses? Wagers? C'mon!

Got my nails done finally today. I need to learn the Vietnamese translation for "dont cut em so fucking short, PLEASE!"

Ok, gotta go...i dont know why. OH! Something very funny. Yesterday our internet connection was bwoke for a while and KT and I thought we would die. We sat around taking insane pictures of each other. I cant wait to load them up. They are SO funny.
Phrase for the day: I heard they shot a man with no arms in Cincinatti...oh wait a minute...
Trivial moment for the day: I *really* need to find my blue Native knife. This is getting serious

The word for the day is Friday - thank god its here
Have spent the entire week indoors, save for going to work and I think I am having severe cabin fever. Am still supposed to go to Blackhawk tonight, dunno if that's still happening, but I assume so. Will be a nice change of pace.
Am becoming more entranced with a long distance relationship that I vowed to keep at arms length. There are obstacles upon obstacles but as the days go by they seem less important. God what am I talking about. I am not going there..I cant! See where I'm at with this? It's just not good. I need to just approach it in the spirit it's already at, which is friendship, and just leave it there for now. I dont want it to become a diversion to distract me from other hurt, know what I mean? Grr..old patterns die hard
More later -


The word for the day is health - i want mine back
I have been SO sick...severe sinus infection is what I'm guessing. Yesterday was particularly bad...very intense pain all in the right side of my face. Really severe around my eyes, but also all the way down to where my teeth even hurt. Took some sinus medicine that made me groggy, but that was okay cause we had a snow day. Spent the day at the Coles camp, lounging and watching movies. Took a nap in the afternoon, and then fell asleep early too. And still craving sleep today. We made some chili and baked potatoes for yummy, but that made me sleepy too! Emma has been sick also, grazing but not eating as heartily as she had been in the past few weeks. So, we commiserate together.
I am completely unmotivated to write anything else right now...
The Phrase for the day is : i brought Tilly for you, daddy!
Trivial moment of the day: I now have 3 broken nails...! And, I left my planner at marks...god..i need that thing affixed to the back of my head.


Ok, well its much later and I can write a little more coherently this time. It is just after midnight and man oh man what a night. We had Kt's concert, charlie, megan, Mark and Emma all came to it. We had all been locked up in my room here laffing our asses off, you know what *that* means too! So we go to the concert, that was great. Then I had to take Charlie home, and it was blizzarding outside, totally. It took us 2 hours to get to northglenn and back. Man, so intense and sterssful driving. Cold, slushing, slick..couldnt even see the lines...or 6 inches in front of you. I have never been so glad to be home in my life. Am hurrying to make some coffee and some food before the power goes out, the lights have been flickering...already lit a candle just in case. Even with how shitty the weather is, tonight was so an amazingly good night. We had a lot of fun, and took a bunch of funny pictures. I dont think i am going to work tomorrow, its just so icky outside. What a good night to curl up with someone and sleep in while it snows.. Mmmm
ok, thats all for now - time to eat and veg.
Phrase of the day: Where's my chicken - and - the next solo is a quartet!
Trivial moment of the day - i have two broken nails... BLECH!


Hey - something to write down and remember....Mark has ruined the tradition of ironing kt's shirt b4 every choir concert because now he is late, and not coming here. Before every choir concert kt has had him iron her choir shirt. Now she at a loss as to what to do! Oh man..i just realized something. Now ive forgotten what it was. I need a light, i know that. Oh god the batts are dead in the camera and we need one more picture of charlie of something in his mouth. This is a tragedy. We have to leave in 5 mins.


Same day...snoozeville. Listening to American Hi Fi and rockin. Watchin the Missy Pissy while the strange british man goes to buy a carpet cleaner. Was sitting here minding my own business when who should call - but Dy! Eeek! She was SO nice tho..I was glad. We talked about Emma and everything seemed very cool. Hope she doesnt rail Mark later about it. Hmm what else...there is nothing on tv, my nose it stuffed up and I cant seem to get enough sleep no matter what. Am going to Blackhawk on Friday, am really looking forward to that.
And - since i didnt do so earlier -
Phrase of the day: She's just the flavor of the weak (sic)
Trivial moment of the day - hmmm my eyes are dry. Whoopeee

Almost forgot! Amanda made cheerleader again for next year at school! Woo HOO! Way to go Amanda!

The word for the day is sleep..wait what is that? Im not familiar...
Monday morning, what is good to say about that? Maybe that the weekend was so nice that it makes even Monday morning tolerable.
Yesterday we went and got some fast food (after a little 'incident' with the staff at McDonalds) and took it to Bible park. It was me, Mark, Daniel, and Emma. So the plan was to sit and eat first, then let Emma play for a bit. Well, Emma could not have cared less about food! She kept telling daddy "I'll be right back..." and he'd say "no, you have to eat first... "plleeaase? I'll be right back!" Finally he pretty much had to let her go cause she was nutso to get out there and play. Well, 3 hours later we trudged home and daddy and Emma collapsed for a nap, but it was time for me to do my typical Sunday "drive to hell and back". Hadda go get KT from Charlies, then drive all the way down to Southwest Plaza to drop Daniel off. ack blech!
We went out to dinner, and KT was so funny. Plus, our waitress was such a complete ditz. She had a total "deer in the headlights" look to her. The brain cells in her head were few and far between. Sometimes you have to talk to someone for a few minutes to realize the full scope of their stupidity, but this one you could just see it in the empty look on her face. Course we sat there and ripped her up amongst ourselves. We thought it might be fun to start playing tricks on her, but decided against it, figuring the target was just too easy. Like shooting fish in a barrel. Joe came home yesterday finally, man he's a little weird.
Found a new band that I love love love. American HiFi. They're coming to the warped tour, very excited about that.
Katie is home sick today..went to school but euched after she got off the bus. Hadda drive all the way to go get her and then take her home..then to work. Hulllo! Im late again!


The word for the day is Drywall - there is pieces of it and dust everywhere.
Im writing this from Mark's, who is busily cutting holes in drywall. He has decided that he needs some shelves behind his computer area here it is after midnight and there is drywall dust flying everywhere. This came after rearranging furniture and a trip to the grocery store at about 10:30 pm. When he goes to bed I'm going to find his stash of uppers and flush em! Seriously he's got some great ideas about what to do in this condo...but why the hell does this urge strike men in the middle of the night? Home Depot is open 24 hours a day...DID YOU KNOW THAT?! It's because these men get these wild hairs up their asses to do stuff at weird times.
Last night KT had a bunch of friends over, man was that wild. About 8 teenagers traipsing through the house and hanging out in her room. When I got up this morning, there were still 2 extra teenage girls in the house. Crazy!
Let's sick this morning so didn't go to school. I have a horrible head cold that is really knocking my ass. My nose is completely stuffed up and running at the same time. Emma is sick too, so at least we're both miserable, and can whine together! She got here a day early, so that made for a nice Saturday to see her. We watched Battlebots together, which was very fun. Daniel came over to Marks for a while, we made a yummy dinner and ate till we couldnt eat any more! Other than that, the day has been lazy and uneventful. Looking forward to a Sunday of the same caliber.
Phrase of the day: Do I have weed in my teeth?
Trivial moment for the day: There is nothing on tv on Saturday night. At ALL


The word for the day is cleanup - so much of it to do!
Feels like I have a lot of things to take care of in the next few days. I need to clean my apartment, do some laundry, edit some photos, lots of stuff like that. Finally got my brakes done on Monday, and *massively* cleaned my car out before, so at least that is done. No big plans for the weekend, other than some pool and school. (Poetry!) Dan is in California, so gonna have Daniel again, here's to hoping he's decent. And, that I am in a decent mood to cope! Joe has been in Keystone all week, expect him back tomorrow I think, and we can see if there's a stereo hiding in one of his boxes! Please, please please....!
Lets see, what else...have pretty much given up on current events going my way with Brock. You just cant *make* someone act a certain way, they're going to do what they feel is right, and sometimes you just have to accept it. And that even when forgiveness is offered, you cant make someone say the exact words you need to hear to bring you back. I have discovered that I need to be completely trusted within someone's life to fully let go. Otherwise there's just always this unspoken wedge that inhibits things. I know there is someone out there that will love me for me...warts and all. For now, I'm not looking..I'm just going to enjoy the life I have..and the people in it.
Phrase for the day: You can't always get what you want.....
Trivial moment for the day: I am so bummed I am not seeing Brian Regan tonight...


The word for the day is - New... new start, new outlook
I cant really say I wholeheartedly subscribe to starting over, especially now, but I have to start somewhere. At some points in our lives we just have to be willing to sweep our hands across the tabletop and start fresh. I feel like in a way thats what I'm doing. It's like everything got so cluttered, that I lost sight of what matters. I will say this..I have learned some valuable lessons the past few days:

1. Trust your instincts
2. Alone doesnt have to mean lonely
3. The value of a true friend is immeasurable
4. Some people have no concept of what that is...true friendship
5. People will do anything to get what they want

Thats about it...some good life lessons learned the past few days. Im not depressed, Im not sad. Im very proud of myself for taking the higher ground in some recent situations, and can even get a laugh or two out of how some people strive to make others miserable. What a sad, lonely, pathetic existence to live life in such a way. Im so gratfeul I have my family (especially Katie), my friends (especially Mark) and my sense of self to drag my ass through 24 hours every day. Thank you, God for holding me up when I need it. And thank you, to my true friends...who never turn their back on me for a second, and that love me enough to defend me, whether I deserve it or not.


rhetoric noun [U]
Speech or writing that is effective and persuasive
(DISAPPROVING) Rhetoric is also language, esp. speech, that contains few ideas or lacks real meaning, even though it sounds good
That, my little the word of the day....

Undoubtedly the word of the day is fuck, and not in a good way.
One of the worst days Ive had in a very long time. Questioning my sanity, my motives, and especially questioning other peoples honesty and intentions. Old feelings rising to the surface again...stuff I thought I was passed a long time ago. I will not be put under anyone's thumb, I will not be put under a microscope, and I definately wont mold into someone's ideal. What i need and want is not offered, from anyone right now. I am more alone than I have ever been. Im so incredibly sad.
Phrase for the day: Im phoning it in
Trivial moment for the day: sorry, again....nothing trivial about today