Desert Sand Mica

Whatever, just crash it Bob...


Still working on the new place, it will be done by tonight, I think. I started over from scratch so it's a little time consuming, and time - I don't got.

Katie and I are headed off to church then I think Mark and I are going to go to Estes Park for the day. Some appointments and probably work tomorrow, I can't wait to finish training and get started driving on my own. I worked for 6 hours on Friday, and learned a lot. You wouldnt think there's that much to learn but there really is.

Have a good day all. Well not all. Some people deserve a really rotten day.


Am moving everything over to the new digs. Leave a comment here if you'd like the new url. I will verify your IP address and send you a note when I'm up and running. See you in a couple of days!

Don't worry, everything is peachy keen, and under control. Life is good!

Hi, remember me?

It's been a busy couple of days. I got a new car! Whee! Well not new of course, but new to me. It's fabulous and wonderful and it doesn't smoke, and it has heat, and I don't have to carry water around to fill up the radiator every 10 miles, and the rubber seal on the door isn't flopping down in my face, and the cruise control works, and and and it's great! It's a 98 Chev Prizm, and although I am anti-American car apparently this one is ok because it has a Toyota engine, says the man I love who knows...who is coincidentally the man with the ya go.

I love the place we bought it at, it was just a rinky dink little mom and pop type operation on West Colf*x - a place I usually avoid because I just don't trust them. But these guys were absolutely fabulous. There was none of the dickering and dinking around and bravado that we got at so many other big places. Mark never tells people he is a car salesman, but they know from his tone and his attitude, plus the buzz words that he uses that they are not dealing with an ignoramus. Over the past few days we have driven cars, loved them, sat down to deal and walked out, all within about 15 minutes. It pisses me off that you tell them right off the bat what you have to spend, and then they have you drive something - only to get you to the table and find out it is nearly twice as much. What the hell are they thinking?

So we found this car at, among several others we headed out to look at today. Mark took the day off (he's so damn sweet!) because the Taurus is dead dead dead. I can't even tell you how bad it was driving home from work (wow - I work!!) the other day. Getting another vehicle became an emergency, as I have to be able to get to work. I'm actually on call on Friday, Saturday and Sunday and could be called in at a moment's notice. I can't rely on the other folks in this house with wheels, cause Lord knows they're never home!!

So anyway, get this...they were asking 6998 and we got it for 3500. Yes, my man is a car salesman and I'm proud of it. He knows how to work these people and he knows what they're doing - in front of us and behind our back. But saying that, I gotta say that this car shop was probably the best experience I've ever ever had buying a car. We didn't have to play games with them at all.

So before all this wonderful car shopping I had to go down to the limo shop and pick up a paper that I needed to have to apply for my airport clearance. We took that out to the airport - (Side note - we saw no less than 8 cop cars on our short jaunt on Pena Blvd. Most of them already had folks pulled over. Do not mess around out there..!) Then we got the car, then I had to go for a DOT Certification physical - oh boy wasn't that just fun in a big fat bun?

First of all I had to pee in a cup. Fine. So I get in the bathroom and start "going" - completely forgetting about the cup. I'm like "Oh, shit, I'm supposed to be catching this!" lol. I managed to get a dribble in there - enough for them to tell me my sugar's a little high. No, really? Do tell....


I swear to god this is why I can't pass a polygraph. I must be so susceptible to the power of suggestion...

The doc goes to take my blood pressure (which has never ever ever been high) and says:

You know, other than the urinalysis, this is the only part of your physical that could prevent you from getting your certification"

dun dun dun. I could actually hear my blood pressure rising after that comment.

Puff puff puff puff - psssttt....puff puff puff..psssst - - he's looking at the dial, and I am too, because I know how to read the pressure, even if I'm not the one doing the listening. It's high. I guessed 150 over 90. He says 160 over 96. Damn.

It's too high to pass.

He decides to give me a few minutes to "calm down." Calm down? Have you ever ordered someone to calm down? If you want someone to become out of control, just tell them to calm down. Works every time.

When I took my first polygraph ever, I had nothing - I mean nothing to worry about. I had interviewed for a local sheriff's dept as a property clerk. I had been upfront with my interviewer about anything that could trip me up on a polygraph. He said "don't worry at all. We know most people have done pot, and other drugs. We know people steal from their jobs. - we just want you to be completely honest. If you answer honestly, you'll pass - no matter what you are saying yes or no to, unless it's something that could be considered a felony."

Great. I got nothin to hide. Let's get this over with, and then show me my desk.

Is this your real name? yea. Are you a fugutive? no.

Then. He totally fucked me up. He stopped the machine for a second and said:

"Are you trying to regulate your breathing?"

Uuuhhh. Well, I wasn't...till you said that.

At that moment my every thought was consumed with my breathing. I was hyper sensitive to every inhale and exhale. Each breath became suspect, even to myself. Am I regulating my breathing? No, I am breathing normally. I smoke, I always breathe this way. lol.. - And what is regulating your breathing, anyway?

Immediately my breaths became shallow. Then drawn out. Then absent. I could barely hear the questions. Iiiinnnnnnn ouuuuttttt. Iiiinnnnn ouuuutttt. Chest rise and fall. Equal breaths. AM I breathing? I'm not sure. Yes, I am. I am forcing myself to breathe. Forcing yourself to breathe is as effective as forcing your stomach to digest. It's part of your autonomic system. (thank you EMT school) - It just happens.

More questions.

Have you smoked pot? yea. Taken items homes from work? sure. More than 500 dollars worth? no.

He stopped again. "You are not breathing normally. You have to relax and breathe normally."

When someone commands you to breathe normally, you can do anything but.

More questions. - - Have you exported drugs out the country? haha, no. Have you ever worked undercover for the military? mmm, lemme think..nope. Ever committed a felony? not yet.

So then it was over and he said I failed. "It appears you are lying about your military history and whether or not you have exported drugs out of the country."


I told him - "I'm anti-military and I haven't been out of Colorado for 17 years, since I was 16 years old, and I've never even been out of the country.

But it didn't matter. A fail is a fail is a fail. I took 2 more tests on different days with the same guy, for the same job. They really wanted me. But I kept failing. I could not get the thought of breathing normally out of my head. I've taken 6 polygraphs all together over the years, and failed every single one. Thank God none of them were for something I was suspected of doing and didn't do. I'd be in prison wearing my hair in a mullet and calling my roommate "sweetheart".

So the long away around this topic is that the doc took my blood pressure four times, after repeatedly telling me to relax - and calm down. Finally he got a reading that was a teeny tiny smidge under the wire. Not enough for my certification, but enough for a 3 month temporary "stay", and I have to go back and retest in April. Pass the Valium.

I rode with Mark tonight to Fairplay to show dydy the new wheels. She loved em, of course. I know she chewed on her fingernails nearly as much as I did about that damn Taurus.

I am driving the big cars again tomorrow, with another driver - more training. This time we will have a real passenger tho. I'm actually doing two runs to the airport, and one is to pick up someone who's been in the news. Ack. I can't ever ever ever say who's been in the car.

But...damn I bet this guys shoes are big. I wonder if we're taking him to a hotel - or to court.

Mark laughed when the dispatcher called cause I was writing down what my assignment was and I said "what's that passengers name again?" She repeated it. I had to clarify - I was thinking to myself "I can't be hearing this right..." - "um...could you spell that?" I think I ended up asking her 3 times.

So this has been my wonderful exciting day. I have a lot more to talk about, but it's late and I'm beat.

By the way - if you see me driving around in my new Prizm wheels, stick out your thumb and I'll pick you up. We'll turn on the cruise control and the heat, and go get a slurpee.

PS - Amanda's husband Justin got a huge raise today...nearly 20%. This will be such a turning point for them, they've budgeted really well, but still have hit a few bumps in the financial road. Yay Justin!

And one more thing - - Katie is the greatest greatest ever. She cleaned my bathroom - spit shine style and even scrubbed the floor behind the toilet on her hands and knees. Thanks SOO much Katie!

No you can't have her. Get your own.


What did you do all day? I drove to the airport in this...


I have really bad cramps - no not from that just from nerves. I'm all bungled up inside, nervous about starting something new and about the actual driving. I should have been in the shower already but I am stalling. At this rate I will be rushing around trying to get out of the house, and I hate doing that.

Mark is going in to work late because we could not find a suitable place for Emma to go this afternoon. Wemanaged to squeeze the time she would need looking after into only and hour and a half, but that didn't avail itself any options, regardless.

She came into our room this morning at 7:30 and said "I'm lonely." Mark said "You're lonely because everyone is sleeping. It's too early to get up - go back to bed for a while." And she did. Lovely. Her days are all messed up this week, I guess because of the MLK holiday on Monday. She's been asking several times today.."do I have school today? do you have work today? I don't have school tomorrow, right?" No matter how many times we keep telling her, 'no school today - school tomorrow' she's still seems to be off-kilter. Funny how little ones feel that same confusion we feel in a holiday week. We think they just flit about, and every day is just like the next - but they really do feel it when something is amiss.

Ok, I will go shower now.

PS - Cindi or Laura, if you'd like me to put my Starting Over recordings on VHS and send you a weeks worth, I would be glad to do that.


The 2004 Bloggie awards are imminent (I know, who gives a flying rats ass) but I would like you to go vote, if only to make sure that Wil Wheaton and dooce do not win.

Mark and I left the house at 10:30 this morning, and didn't get home until nearly 9pm! We went car shopping, and then more car shopping. I'm telling you these car salesmen are a sleazy bunch. We had it out with one guy that Mark got really angry with and we stormed out. "Slam!" Mark's always been a gunner for car salesmen, but now that he is in the biz I guess he is super critical.

We found a few we liked, but are still kicking tires. I am going to attempt to drive my car downtown tomorrow - I'm just going to leave early and pull over if I need to. I'm looking forward to getting behind the wheel of a shiny white stretch limo and creaming some compact cars. ha!

Then he took me to class. I think it will be ok, but there is a LOT to learn - considering this class is only 6 weeks. My head was spinning for about an hour, then the penny dropped and it seemed that things clicked into place. I just will have to be ultra diligent to stay caught up. One week of slacking will put me hopelessly behind.

We have one lady in our class that already knew everything, I'm not sure what she's doing there. Then we have a guy in our class I will call the llpof because he is a liar liar pants on fire. When we all went around the room with our introductions he said he used to be an EMT in Las Vegas. But when the teacher was lecturing, he didn't know what tachycardia was, which is an abnormal heart rhythm that EMT students learn practically on the first day and deal with ALL the time. Mark even knows what tachycardia is, just from quizzing me and listening to me babble on about classes previously. THEN - man, what an idiot...He asked the teacher "how do you find the diastolic and systolic on the EKG?"

There was like 20 seconds of dead silence and the teacher looked like he thought he might be on Candid Camera.

"Um, the diastolic and systolic rate is blood pressure which you gauge from a sphygmomanometer, (BP cuff). There is no way to indicate blood pressure from an EKG strip."


People, people. If you're going to lie to strangers, at least pretend you are a "something" that you know something about.

Mark had taken me to school, so when he came to pick me up he had Emma, who was buckled in her car seat, but asleep in a horizontal position. Not just her head was flopped over, but she was completely bent at the waist and snoring like Rip Van Winkle. We went to Westm*nster Mall where I picked up the necessary clothing items that I need for driving. A nice black jacket, and a white shirt. I already have black pants and a short black skirt, but I got a long black skirt too, so I can have some variety in the monotony, if ya know what I mean. I went to L*ne Bryant (mostly because that used to be my last name...Bryant, not Lane) - lol. No , I went there because I didn't want something that was going to come apart at the seams in two weeks. Even tho I'm wearing a 14 in most things lately, if I'm wearing a button up blouse, I need about a 16-18 because of "the girls out front", and I found a lot to choose from there. Not arc prices, to be sure...but good quality stuff that will last, I think.

And here's another fun little "hey I've lost some weight" story. The other night I was at Target and they were closing out a bunch of hosiery. I'm gonna neeeed some hosiery. They had pairs of N* N*nsense for .37 and .47 each! Unfortunately, all they had were size "B". Now, I've worn size Q (we don't really need to say what that stands for do we?) for about oh, 35 years. But I bought ALL the "B"'s they had anyway - you know how you do..."hmm someday maybe I could fit into these....I better buy them cause they are a great deal..." (It's a gender specific shopping quirk, men - don't even try to understand.)

But on Sunday when Katie and I went to church I tried some on and they fit.just.fine! Not even snug. Whee! I'm not a Q! I'm not a Q! How damn fun is that.

Ok, well it's time to go fire up the PVR and see what Oddrey and the rest of the Starting Over house are up to today. It's getting sooo juicy! Everyone is mad at Oddrey and it's her graduation day! And believe it or not - Oddrey is being a bitch! Yes! It's true!

Have a nice night all!


I guess it's time to get the blog calendar up and current again. Lot's of stuff coming up. I start my EKG class tomorrow, it's only one day a week from 2-6pm, but my car is in such bad shape I can't drive it for more than a couple of miles before there is smoke or steam or whatever billowing out madly from under the hood. Doesn't someone just have a car laying around that I could use for a couple of weeks? hmm?

Mark is going to have to take me to class tomorrow, and hopefully get the leak patched while I'm at school - it's getting worse and bigger by the day. Then Wednesday I have to go train on the big cars at the Limo job for about 4 hours in the afternoon..not sure about the best way to get downtown that day if the car is ppfffttt. I will figure something out. Also have to find care for Emma that afternoon till Daniel gets home from school. Yay.

Lots of stuff going on. Meh.

Kind oif a busy day. I had to go pick up Emma down south about 45 minutes away, and I didn't trust my car to go so Cindi took us. Katie came too and after we got Emma we all went to the Container Store. Oooh, fun place. Some stuff was pricey, but some was a fair deal. I got a few little things, not much.

Now we're waiting for Mark to get off work so we can meet him for dinner. We wanted Cindi to come too but she is tied to doing her cat thing at a certain time of day and we couldnt really make it work out for everyone. She has to wait while one of them eats and then give it a shot and drain it's little incision thingie. Gah! I promise we will go again soon, Cin!

I am going to the Limo co on Wednesday afternoon to get some drive training. I have to get a white blouse and black jacket by then. Meh.

Ok, I gotta go. More later gators.

I have two cats that basically up until now have refused to acknowledge that the other existed.

Our original cat Schatze is umm...a bit of a loner. He's not a regular cat-type cat, he's aloof and perterbed most of the time. (Well now that I say that it does sound like a regular cat-type cat -'s different). He doesn't appreciate any attention, he doesn't purr, and I'm pretty sure he'd be happiest if we all moved away and left him here in the neighborhood on his own.

Then we got Marla who is a bit more personable and playful. She is a very communicative cat, and will actually come and meow at you and lead you to something she wants. (Like the front door, or her empty food bowl)

Marla had established herself as Alpha as soon as she got here. We worried at first if Schatze would be mean to a new kittie, but Marla took over immediately and seemingly laid down the law for Schatze. Up till now they've basically ignored each other.

But now all of the sudden they are interacting all the time, and I'm not sure if they are playing or fighting. One or the other will give chase, and then when they corner the other they both start swiping at each other. Sometimes balancing themselves on their back legs and boxing like kangaroos. Sometimes there is hissing involved, mostly not. They do this for long periods of time, nearly every day now. Chase chase chase, box box box. More chase. More box.

So I'm asking the cat people out here - are they fighting or playing? And why now?


We're getting ready to head out to the Little Bear to see Cindi's friend in Firefall, so I only have a minute. (Hey it takes quite a while to look this mediocre)

No driving today, it just didn't work out because the guy that was taking me driving didn't have any runs tomorrow and decided to take off to the mtns for a short get-a-way. No problem.

Church was great. We liked it there. Good message. Really young pastor, but we liked him a lot.

More later, hope you are having a good weekend!



Mark and I just had an hour long discussion about umm..everything. We realized that we needed to start making some schedules and lists - I needed to know exactly what to offer the limo company as far as time available, so we went through the calendar so I would have something comprehensive to present. At first we thought maybe day care for Emma would have to be arranged for Wednesdays, but I've actually got so much other time available to offer them, I think I will just leave Wednesday as my "can't work at all" day. I'm not sure what time I'm supposed to show up there tomorrow, the lady that I'm meeting with asked me to call her after church. I'm so excited! She said they are desperate, and turning away runs because they don't have enough drivers available. Whee!

Then, we had to switch to vacation-talk mode. We're planning on going to the UK this summer, and there's already a lot of things that need to be in motion. People need passports, and we need to decide on dates. So we had to sit down and come up with a timeline that certain tasks need to be done by. I'm such a damn retentive idiot when it comes to planning stuff like this. I don't like to plan an itinerary for the actual trip, but I do like to micro manage the travel plans - I just don't like any surprises there.

I had lunch with my mom after my test today - that was nice. We sat for a long time - you know like when you've already paid your bill and the waiter has come back twice after that to see if you need

Katie and I are trying yet another church tomorrow. I have a good feeling about this one - but we'll see. Then, depending on how long the limo company (I gotta think of a better nickname - I dont want to name them of course) wants to keep me, I might be able to go to the Little Bear with Cindi. Wow! So much going on and it's all FUN FUN FUN!


The Limo company just called. Im in like flynn. I go in tomorrow for training, and a run to the airport to get started on getting my airport clearance or whatever. He said they have a pickup in Philadelphia next weekend for an Aston Martin that needs to be brought to Denver and wants to know if I would be clear to do that if everything worked out. Wow!!! I'm ffreeeeakin out!

It's over!

It wasn't hard and I'm pretty sure I passed. We'll see if I did in a few weeks.

Daniel and I are headed to target in a bit. Zzz. Really all I want to do is nap for a while. I stayed up late late and then had to get up early.

Later gators.


Blah blah blah. I can't study anymore, I'm not retaining anything anyway. I'm just gonna have to wing it and hope for the best. I start reading something and within 2 minutes my mind is drifting away..

"Verification of endotracheal tube placement should be completed in all intubated patients, and reconfirmation of endotracheal tube position should be..."
la la la oh lookie, bright shiny things over here...

"A foreign body may partially or completely block a victim's airway limiting or stopping the flow of air to the lungs. A choking victim who..." la la la hey did I turn the oven off?

See what I mean? It's just not working.

And besides trying not to study, there isn't much else going on.


My mom wrote and said that my cousin Paul Jr. had died today. He's from my dad's side, in North Carolina. I haven't been to see those folks in about 20 years, but I remember a few things about Paul Jr. He was disabled, I believe he had cerebral palsy, (Edit - my mom thinks it was polio...)it was fairly pronounced. He'd been in the hospital lately, at Christmas my dad showed me a recent newspaper article that he was featured in, and he was in the hospital then.

He was 57, and from what I've read and some folks I've talked to today, that was a ripe old age for someone with his condition.

I always really liked Paul Jr. and had a bit of a soft spot for him. I felt bad that he had to be plopped so defenseless in the middle of that family that never seem to be able to all get along at the same time. There's a lot of love in that family, but there always was a lot of bad-mouthin' and dislikin' going on.

The one really strong memory I have of Paul Jr. is once when my family was there visiting and we went bowling. I got upset at my dad because I thought he was being too hard on Paul Jr. He was doing the best he could, and really we were all just there to play and have a good time and my dad was saying things to Paul Jr. like - "C'mon!! what was THAT?!" "What game are you playing ANYway?!" "Ohh, brother!!" Maybe he was kidding, but it didn't sound like it and I know I was crying.

I think I said something to my dad about how Paul Jr. was trying as best he could, then I went to sit away from my dad and near Paul Jr. and would tell him what a good job he did every time he threw the ball, even if he guttered it.

In my dad's defense, he's a different person than he was back then. He's a lot softer, kinder, and he would never make someone disabled or struggling feel bad for one second. He's always on the side of the underdog, and would give you his shirt if you needed it, then stand there and shiver and tell you he wasn't cold at all.

I'm sad and sorry that Paul Jr. died, but I'm glad too. I'm sure he's marveling at his new body that moves like he wants it to. That's the problem with cerebral palsy victims and the like. They've got it all "up there" but their body won't cooperate.

I bet he's doing somersaults, and making granny and papa (who've already been up there a spell) watch him run back and forth, making his legs work like he's wanted them to do for half a century.

Nite nite Paul Jr.

I know your life on earth was troubled
And only you could know the pain
You weren't afraid to face the devil
Were no stranger to the rain

Go rest high on that mountain
Son your work on earth is done
Go to heaven a-shoutin'
Love for the Father and the Son

Oh, how we cried the day you left us
Gathered round your grave to grieve
Wish I could see the angels' faces
When they hear your sweet voice sing

Go rest high on that mountain
Son, your work on earth is done
Go to heaven a-shoutin'
Love for the Father and the Son.

Go to heaven a-shoutin'
Love for the Father and the Son.

Go Rest High
~Vince Gill

I'm alive. Trying to study, but being restless and distracted. I don't feel good about this test at all.


I have a roast cooking and yooouuuu do nootttttt. Oh no you doonnnnntttt. lala lala lala.

We're going to eat when Mark gets home from Fairplay, around 8:45 or so. Other than that the day has been quiet and uneventful. Took a shower, went to the grocery store...studied a tiny bit. Whee - it's just a whirlwind of activity over here! Slow it dowwwwnnn!


I made a blogworld poem.

Denny's playing with wire,
And Cindi's always tired.
Katie ate way too much food,
Crazygurl is in a bad mood.
Buzy mom is leaving on a trip
Anne has given us the slip.
Jennifer is back from Toronto
AJ uses a lot of cilantro.
the fish is talking about poker
There's fun UK news at The Big Smoker.
Stacey is waxing poetic,
Dr. D's personality is magnetic.
Laura is missing in action,
Jenniy has a cute new attraction.
Dy has to get started sewing,
and blogeois is frantically rowing.
Alan ain't gettin enough,
Poor Denise is feeling quite rough
Sue had to bury her cat,
Bry's son's appendix has laid him out flat.
Debra needs to start packing boxes,
Faustus has his eye out for foxes.
The arachnids are invading Spencer's place,
While Wendy loves her bloggerville space.
Kimberly's cold so she's sitting,
and Teresa and Margie are knitting!


Stuffed. To the gills, all of us.

Here's some fun photos of Emma enjoying her korma, masala, naan bread and whatever else she could get her hands on.
(Thumbnails, click for supersize)

A mouthful o' masala:

Diving into the korma:

Love that naan bread:

more rice! (it looks like someone eats with her elbows on the table! lol)

Charlie liked it too, and had some chicken spinach thing, saag I think? Mark had Moogli (not the right spelling) which was really spicy and had chicken and egg in it. (I kept asking him which came

We brought a little bit home (not much) and Emma has declared that she wants all the leftovers for breakfast tomorrow.


It's almost time for The Mole. No, not that hairy one on your back (hey it's changed shape a bit, better get that looked at) - the Celebrity one on tv. Gonna make some tea and get settled.

So yes, we are moments away from going to find some Indian Food. We are initiating Charlie into the world of pakoras, tikka masalas and the most stellar waitstaff known to man. My tummy is growling just thinking about naan bread. mmmm....

This afternoon was a, not good. A little bit of a huff from Emma regarding playing independently in her room. Lately she's taken to just laying in her bed and looking at her pony chapter books the whole time she's supposed to be playing on her own. Her SE workers say "no no no - independent imaginary eye-hand play is what we're after.."

So today when it was time for her to go play, she went in search of her books. We told her we put them up for now in a safe place, and that she could have them later. She looked at me like I had grown two heads. She didnt say a word but just stood there at the top of the stairs looking at me like she was going to faint.

But now she's been in there for a while happily singing and talking and make-believing all sorts of things.

Then the afternoon went to hell in a handbasket. Daniel had not come home from school yet and it was already 4:10. School gets out at 2:45. I drove around for a bit, saw a few of his friends, but they didn't know anything. I came home to get Katie and she level-headedly talked to said friends again, knocking on doors, and trying to see when the last time anyone had seen him.

Finally at 4:45 he calls and says he's at so-and-so's house, and is just completely non-chalant about it. This has happened a couple of times before and he knows I start freaking out. All the panic I had when Katie ran away comes flooding back and there is just no stopping it.

We drove to where he was and picked him up and umm...we talked. Suffice to say the tone was firm and boundaries were made crystal clear---again. He'll not be going anywhere other than school anytime soon, thankyouverymuch.

What is it about children that they just don't get it until it is forced down their throat with a shoehorn? I hate making his life miserable and coming down hard on him...but you all know I am the queen of "they won't change till you make them". If there is no motivation for someone to change, they won't. Period. I'm just such a softy when it comes to Daniel. Feh.

Mark was off all day today but is suffering with a sinus headache, so he's been either in bed or on the couch for a large part of the day. I was looking forward to studying a bit in silent alone-ness, but obviously that couldn't occur, as I'm on parental-stand-in duty. Well, tomorrow everyone will be gone all day at work and school. I plan to revise revise revise till my eyes bleed. (hey, if I revise enough I'll know exactly what to do if someone's eyes bleed).

Off to the Taj. Hope you all are eating something equally as yummy.

From Katie's blog. (My daughter, for those not in the know)

"Charlie and I are going to get Indian food with Mom and Mark tomorrow night. They sort of made plans to go, and then I decided to see if I could get someone to work for me at work so that I could go too. I have only had indian food twice. The first time I hated it but I didnt really give it a chance. The second time I almost exploded because I couldnt stop eating it, it was so delish. I think it might be an aquired taste, or something. No curry though. PLEASE, no curry!!! actually, its not that horrible, but I much prefer other things. I cant pronounce them but they sure do taste good. Whoever decided to bring Indian restaurants to colorado is a good man. awwwww thanks, Indian Restaurant-Bringer."

She cracks me up.

I've just spent entirely too much time playing 20 questions.

The first time, "he" got it in 16 questions (A vibrator).

The second time, it took "him" 26 questions (jello) which technically mean that I won. How fun that is. Go give it a shot.


Ooooh NO! and Ooooh YES!

I just got a call from my EMS Instructor. The National EMT test is on SATURDAY. Yes, this Saturday. 4 days to brush up. 4 days to get my mushy brain back into "save the bloody people" mode.

So this Saturday morning at 10am, I want everyone who reads here to do whatever it is you do when you're needing a miracle. Mix up your bat's breath and ground camel hump, get on your knees and raise your hands to the Heavens, write a letter to congress, or dance around a bonfire in a prairie skirt while chanting to bongo drums

I need it..bad.


I kept track of all the books I read in 2003. Here they are, in no particular order.


*Justice Denied
*Love In A Blended Family
*Rock This
*The Everything Wedding Book
*Last Breath
*Into the Wild
*Live From New York
*Deadly Innocence
*Fatal North
*Runaway Me
*Truth or Dairy
*Dropped Threads 2
*Fatal Error
*A Dog in Heat is a Hot Dog
*Emergency Care Of The Sick And Injured


*Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
*Dinner At The Homesick Restaurant
*Breathing Lessons
*The Hot Zone
*The Nanny Diaries
*Ellen Foster
*Rapture of Canaan
*In Her Shoes
*Good In Bed
*The Blood Countess

25 books, not counting my Emergency Care textbook, which I did include in the list, because I really did read it. All of it.
That's not bad considering I didn't read for pleasure at all between September and December, because of school.

I used to have a boss that kept track of every book she read, every movie she saw in the theater, every concert she attended and every play she'd seen...since she was about 10 years old. She had this big journal that she would record everything in and it was so cool. She turned out to be a royal bizznitch, but I still thought the idea was pretty neat-o.

Home alone and jamming to Good Charlotte.

I'm already pulling books and getting ready to jump in the shower so I can run errands and folks won't wonder who smells. Post office, grocery store, dry cleaners, the usual.

There is a discussion going on at one of the forums I post to, about "it's a guy thing." I'm offended by that term. I'm no mullet headed grovely voiced man hater, and I'm certainly not a girly girl. Most women I knoiw fall somewhere in-between, also. Are we still so provencial that we have these continual dividing lines? What makes something a man thing..or a woman thing?

I resent the division. With very few exceptions, there are no man things.*

*the exceptions being: premature ejaculation, the three stooges, and mailbox vandalism.

I finished that book, "Sickened - Memoir of a Munchausen by Proxy Childhood" last night and gah! One of the best best books I've ever read. What a mess. The end made me worried tho, and I wanted to find out what had happened since the book ended, but I didn't find much, even from the author's own website. Must.find.information.

I can't believe I've read 2 books already this year.

I've seen about a million of those email forwards that contain the words "Have you ever noticed...." or something similar.

But my mom sent me some today, fresh ones (at least to me) and I wanted to post some. She titled it "more to ponder.." (I made some comments in italics..)

Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

Is there ever a day when every mattress is NOT on sale?
or why is it always the best time to buy a new car, according to the commercials..?

On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message 'one slice'? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their
vacuum one more chance?
oh, I am so guilty of this..

Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?
or the produce bags at the grocery store!

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? If not then what was the purpose of the bath?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say 'Its all right'? It isn't all right,
so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you stupid idiot'?
or when someone accidentally opens the public restroom door on you - they say sorry, and we always say "that's ok." I assure you, it was most definitely, NOT ok.

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

Why is it that men can react to broken bones as 'just a sprain' and deep wounds as 'just a scratch', but when they get the sniffles they are deathly ill
'with the flu' and have to be bedridden for weeks?

How come we never hear any father-in-law jokes?

Do Chinese people get hungry an hour after they eat American food?


Mark is late. Really late. And I have this feeling he's with a woman. I just know it. I'm gonna call him.


He IS with a woman, my fears are confirmed. he's with a woman who just bought a car! whee hee!

Oh Im so silly. He'd already called me, he always calls if he's going to be late. And he calls when he's leaving, and often calls just to say hi. He's very sweet that way.

I don't know what happened, but book sales went nuts today. We listed a bunch of books, but a lot of the sales were old books that can't account for all of it. Maybe folks are spending their half/ebay gift certificates. Anyway, it's kept me hop hop hopping this evening - but I'm SO glad.


I went through the Colorado State job postings and sent off a bunch of resumes..for me and for Mark. Don't worry, none of the ones I applied for had the word administrative in them. But I did notice that admin positions have gotten a recent pay raise, which makes me salivate a bit - but only for a second.

Since I've worked in the HR Department of a state run institution, I know exactly what the mandated protocol is and how folks applying for State jobs can get passed the first cut, which is where most resumes get circularly filed. However; saying that - I'm pretty much guaranteed that I've just jinxed myself right into having my resume dumped in the trash. haha.

Well, the salesman of the day just walked in (net $850 on this one car - yayayayay!) so I better go pat him on the back. And the butt. hee.

Here's your sign...

Rarely do I get to bitch about my job, I don't have one. But I do have to deal with the general American public, and some of them are...believe it or not...really really stupid.

I could start a whole other website with the stupid questions we've gotten from customers. But sometimes, one shines above all the rest.

We have a 1st Edition Hardback of Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four, copyright 1949. Not the rarest book in the world, and certainly not the most expensive book we've ever sold, but we have it listed for $35. We are the only people on that have the book for sale, and in fact it is extremely hard to find anywhere at any price. Of the 5 catagories available to describe the quality of each book, this one is in "Good." condition.'s description of the quality rating 'good' is:

Good - Very minimal damage to the cover (no holes or tears, only minimal scuff marks), dust jacket not necessarily included, minimal wear to binding, majority of pages undamaged (minimal creases or tears), minimal pencil underlining of text, no highlighting of text, no writing in margins, no missing pages

The only thing wrong with this book is it looks like maybe it got splattered with water very briefly and the canvas cover has a couple of really really light spots. For it's age, it's in incredible shape.

So anyway, I get this email today:

"I am inquiring about your copy of Nineteen Eight-Four. "Is it in mint condition? Would you consider meeting your competitors price of 75 cents?"

Helloooo? Anybody home in your brain?

I can't imagine any 55 year old book being in mint condition. And my competitor he's referring to is folks selling a mass market paperback reprint, printed last year.



We went to a concert and sermon broke out.

This was definitely not the church for us. Among other things:

1) Out of about 300 people, I was the only one in a dress. We saw shorts, sweats, Av's jerseys, you name it. It's not a fundamental criteria that a church be "dressy" - goodness, no - but there was just no respect. I can't even describe it. Katie and I have often said we'd appreciate a more casual church, but this transcended that to a level we were uncomfortable with.
2) the music was so contemporary, I nearly needed earplugs. It was a 6 piece ensemble with 2 electric guitars, a bass guitar, a drummer, a female vocalist and a saxophonist/flutist.
3) The band played for nearly an hour.
4) The sermon was not much more than the pastor reading certain scriptures and then saying "well, how about that?"

There was much more wrong with the place, but I'm really really not in the mood to write tonight. I'm feeling a bit put upon again, and just really down and contemplative about things..and people..and stuff.

Tomorrow we are going book buying. Yes, I know I was all excited and pre-registered to go to the job fair. But I can't go and that's just the way it is.

I hope everyone had a nice weekend and that things are serene where you are.

Katie and I are going to try a new church tomorrow...again. We had 5 to choose from, and picked the one with the best website. lol. Actually, they have a lot of what we're looking for - contemporary worship, flexible worship times, and it's really close too. It looks a bit charismatic, we'll see how that goes. We kinda like a bit of that, but some folks can over do it, and I get the feeling that it's not all that sincere sometimes. You know I will let you know how it goes. It can't be any worse than the last one. Goodness sakes, I wonder what's going on at that church lately. What a mess that was!

Mark came home dog-tired. He said he had to run here there and everywhere today to get those two sales. He came home and we ate some tri-tip steak (THE best steak EVER - you have to try it) and rice-a-roni (The San Francisco Treat!) and then he went to bed. He loved the basement, and appreciated all the work I put into it. He said he know his desk took me at least 2 hours to do, which it pretty much did. I'd say I spent about 4.5 hours down here all told.

So now I'm listing the new books we got this week, and having a soda and some cantaloupe with salt. You do eat your cantaloupe with salt, don't you?


Mark sold two cars today. yay! We won't have to start burning the kitchen table in the fireplace for heat just yet.

I cleaned his desk and the basement, plus the living room and kitchen. I have been going all day, with really no break. I knew if I sat down I was done. He's gonna be so surprised to see the basement, I don't think we've seen this much carpet down here since we moved in.

I found Emma's stash of assorted forbidden food items under the recliner she sits in down in the basement. Parts of pop tarts, toast, oreos, ..toddler food. We only allow her to have food and drinks in the kitchen and living room - for that very reason. After she eats part of it she won't throw the rest away, and then whatever it is just gets really gross and then who knows what it's attracting. I've saved all the offending items in a big ziploc bag, and she is going to handle each one of them one by one (just like I had to do) and throw them away. I know she will think it's the grossest thing ever. I hope.

This house is so incredibly tidy and lovely. Come on over and see it!

Am cleaning and tidying and organizing and sweating.

I've cue up a week's worth of Dr Phil's and Oprah's and are just going to town in the kitchen and living room. Dan is bringing Daniels new bed today, and it will have to reside in the living room till tomorrow, when Mark can hell me with the rest of the waterbed.

Btw, send good thoughts Mark's way, he hasn't sold a car yet this year and no cars means no money, he's on straight commission. Just imagine you've gone to work every day for the past two weeks but you didn't get paid anything for it. Bah.

He's feeling down which doesn't make for a good salesman either. Vibes, people. We need the good vibes.

On the up side, book sales are good.


Well, I'm home. I think it went really well. He told me I projected the image they strive for (see, toldja - image!) and that he doesn't see any problem with putting me on part time as soon as they can get everything processed. I had good answers for everything he asked and made him laugh a few times too.

One thing he kept stressing that made me nervous was passing an airport background check. "Yep, that's where a lot of people get eliminated, is after that airport check." From what I can tell it's pretty much just a criminal history and fingerprinting thing - which should be no problem. If they ask for a polygraph, I'm screwed. I've taken 6 and never passed one. And I wasnt lying.

He asked me "Is there anything in your past that might preclude you from passing an airport background check?" (This is where I made him laugh) I said "No, those records have all been sealed."

It sounds like it would be really fun. They don't do any bachelorette parties or anything like that, it's mostly corporate stuff and funerals. He said they do have a corporate contract that has them driving back and forth to Vegas pretty frequently and would I possibly be interested in that? Helloo!? Whee! My inside contact at the company that I said was in New York is actually on a run. To New York! Um, hi. I said "Who are these people that take a limo to New York?!" He said "People with too much money that are afraid to fly."


They also have the exclusive contract with the fanciest hotel in Denver, and do airport and dinner runs nearly daily from there. He said tips are very very good most of the time.

So, for now I am home again home again jiggity jig. I have to take Daniel up to the mountains to his dad's tonight and I can't wait! I love pulling over 3 times to put water in the radiator. Oh yea, baby...good times.

See ya'll in the funny papers.

Just got a call. Oh yea, baby. Interview at the limo company TODAY at 2pm...with the owner of the company.


I faced the daunting task today of draining Daniel's waterbed, it's Marks old King Size, and Daniel wanted a smaller bed so his dad is giving him his old single regular bed. So that means taking the waterbed down. Beginning with draining a gazillion gallons of water.

Draining a waterbed is not so difficult. It's getting the bed to start draining that is a pain in the ass. And of course, I don't have all the parts that you're supposed to have to get it to drain properly. But I just got it all hooked up as best I could and it's actually draining. Now let's just hope we can keep the flow a-flowin.

Bah. Meh. Feh. chA.

I just called the limo place one last time. I hate to start applying for other part-time jobs, when this is the one I really want, and I haven't really been told one way or the other that I should either hold on, or move on.

I've already called them once, so I had to tread lightly, so as not to look like either a pest or a stalker. The key is to leave something with them in the interview that you can request back. Something out of your portfolio, a certain letter of recommendation, whatever. Something you "suddenly realized" you don't have another copy of. In this case, it's my driving record. I have to pay every time I get a copy of my driving record, so it's completely on board that if/since I'm not going to be working there, that I might want to submit an application to other agencies, and would need a copy of my driving record. I don't want to keep paying for it over and over - and if they're not using it...I can request it returned.

So I made my one standard follow up call about a week ago, (paper message through the generic phone answerer - not ideal) and then called back today to ask if I could come by and pick up my driving record. By leaving something behind, you have the opportunity to call a second time and to ask for whatever it is you want back, and then after making those arrangements, say something like "ok great. Thanks again for taking the time to talk to me. I'm disappointed that we won't have a chance to work together, will you keep me in mind in the future?"

Then.. the conversation can go one of two ways. You'll either find out that you are still in the running, and a decision hasn't actually been made, or that you're dead in the water.

Today, I found out numerous things from this conversation. (Actually the person that answered the phone this morning happens to own the company - which was a bonus.)

I found out that:

1)The owner already knew of me (that's good, you want your name bantered around - especially with the higher ups)
2)My contact inside the company has been in New York since New Year's
3)The owner was willing to fax me a copy of my driving record, but would like to retain the original, because he doesn't think my paperwork has actually been looked at yet.
4)He is going to look at my application himself. Today. Yay.

I'm still planning on attending the Job Fair on Monday, but hopefully this will still pan out too. At least I know they're just slow processing, and haven't actually ditched me. So far anyway.

It sucks to have to ride people like this, but people on the inside don't realize how the folks on the outside are waiting on and counting on an answer. Feedback. Anything. A 'yes', a 'no', a 'go to hell'. Just gimme something!

And don't give me the standard bullshit response when the answer is no, either. Don't tell me you had several qualified candidates and the decision was difficult. I want to know what swayed your decision. I ask people point blank "Could you tell me exactly what it was that confirmed your decision? I'd lilke to pursue other avenues in this field, and if you could tell me what the deciding factor was, it might help me to have an edge in the future." I've found that most people are more than willing to be blunt when they know you want them to be. You need more experience, you need a haircut, you need a better resume, you smell funny.

Not too long ago I made a follow up call and had an interviewer tell me "We were looking for someone that lives closer to the office."

What the hell does that mean, and why does it matter? The only thing I could glean from that response is that "we might be calling you in outside of work hours on a moment's notice, and we want you to be able to get here in a hurry." Screw that noise.

About 15 years ago I interviewed for a PR type position, and fuck-all if I didn't have a huge zit right on my nose on the day of. The follow up call told me that they choose someone with a more polished appearance. Bottom line, they didn't want someone speaking for their company who had sebaceous glandular eruptions on a frequent basis. Unfair, but understandable. You can't be out in front of a company (even as a receptionist) when you aren't at the top of your game, looks wise. It sucks, but it's true. When it's between me and blondie-barbie-perfect-teeth who eats a forkful of watercress for lunch, it'll be me going back to the classifieds. It's all about image.

Oh, speaking of that. Is anyone watching Starting Over yet? C'mon people! It's on every damn day! Anyway, yesterday they had an image consultant come in and wasn't she just the cutest thing you've ever seen? She had it to-ge-ther, that's for sure. She made some great suggestions and backed them up with examples of what your image is projecting. First the ladies had to sit in the park, or stand on the corner one at a time and then the other ladies would ask passers-by to give them a few words description of the one standing there - just by looking at her from a distance. Amazing how accurate some people were. "She's unemployed, she's lazy, this one is unorganized, that one's cultural, she's married..." Little nuances of their posture, dress and appearance gave people an instant opinion.

So then afterwards this little spitfire image consultant came in and went through Brenda's closet and made her throw away everything that made her look frumpy. Then they went shopping and it was amazing to see how just a few pieces of wardrobe and accessories changed her whole look. My favorite quote in the show was when she was looking at Brenda's clothes, found a shirt that had strings at the collar that you tie together, and said "Do you really need to have a bow this close to your head?"

Ok, I've rambled enough and taken up entirely too much of your time. Hope everyone has a good weekend planned. I'll be scratching out a presentable upgrade of my resume and hoping Mr. Limo Company Owner calls me back.

Edit - in reading over this it occured to me that possibly it could appear that I am trying to portray myself as a quintessential expert on interviewing and getting a job, and maybe being unemployed for 18 months would squelch my credibility. But after reading through, I decided that it's apparent that I'm not trying to tell you how to get a job, I'm just telling you how to find out that you didn't get a job. And not getting a job is something I am well qualified to write about.

I love love love Edward Gorey. I had to take this quiz.

You will swallow some tacks. You are a little weird,
maybe not so much in a good way.
Buy a yellow tie and wear it on your head.

What horrible Edward Gorey death will you die?

If you're not familiar, check out the Gashlycrumb Tinies, (you won't see this alphabet book on your kids school library shelves) and other fun Edward Gorey stuff.

Look at these great Edward Gorey images on t-shirts, totebags and posters. Who would like these...hmm?

Who who who?

I can't think of anyone.


Well, Spencer started the ball rolling and I found an ounce of motivation to pre-register for the Job Fair here on Monday. It's supposed to be a huge gigantic one, though what I'm looking for is such a narrow niche that I'm not all that hopeful - but I AM going. I'm open to a few opportunities outside of my dream position (on the back of an ambulance), but I definitely do not want to pursue anything containing the words full time and administrative, which I know Is a huge percentage of jobs available there. But there is a big Health Care section being represented, so I'm gonna get my groove on and go. Yay me. Progress. Hopefully. If nothing else I can dress up, fix my hair up kinda purdy and mingle. I'm a great mingler.

Marks phone works, can you believe it?


Sorry, one more thing. Not sure why I'm telling you this, cause it kinda invalidates the good naturedness of it to tell anyone..but..maybe you can find an opportunity to do it too sometime.

Before we went book buying this morning we went out to breakfast at Denny's. We sat and ate our slams and drank our coffee, and just before we were to leave, a guy alone came and sat right across the aisle from us. He didn't look particularly homeless, but maybe just having a bit of hard times. Before the waitress came over, he was counting out all the change from all his pockets on the table. It was all nickels dimes and pennies, and it wasn't much. I know he was figuring out how much he could order cause when the waitress came over he was still counting and didn't order till he figured out exactly how much he had. He ordered a coffee and wanted to know if he could get half an order of hash browns. She let him. Bleh, I felt so bad.

So when we paid our ticket, I paid his too. I didn't want to make a big deal about it, I've done this before and the waitresses all start running around trying to find who has the ticket and how much it is, etc - and the person is all of the sudden the focus of this activity that no one knows how to deal with. I hate that, the whole point is for it to be a secret. So I just gave the cashier $5 and told her to tell him that someone had paid his tab, and he could order more food if he wanted to. I hope he did.

Just remember, I was in a really bad mood already...

Mark and I went to buy books today, the first stop was pretty good, we hauled out about 4 bags plus a couple of little doo hickeys for the house. Then we went to the second place, which was a fair clip away from home. (Peoria and 6th for the locals). Anyway, we went some damn weird way and it took us forever and a day to get there. Then when we finally did, we see on their sign that while yes, they do sell books for $3 a bag, there is a limit to 10 books per bag. Are you shitting me? Mark can get 30 books in a bag. So we go in anyway, just to browse around and this clerk up front goes to me -

"Do you want to leave your backpack up here with me?"
"No." And I kept walking.

she started after me, and said -
"Well, you have to."
"Then why did you ask me if I want to..?"
"Well, it's a security issue, you have to leave your bag up here."
"Well that's a security issue to me. I'm not leaving my backpack with someone who works at the thrift store. And besides, what do you think I'm going to do, steal something that you, by the way, got for free?

She gave me a really dirty look, to which I responded in kind.

I think she was a bit taken aback, to say the least.

I put my backpack in the car, came back in to browse with Mark for 5 minutes and then we left buying nothing. I so wanted to say something biting when I left, but I didn't. I'd said enough, I think.


Mark is down south Pueblo way dropping off the midget. She's in her new grown up big girl car seat and I'm sure she's been talking Mark's ear off for the past two hours. Oh, speaking of talking your ear off, Mark dropped his cell phone in the toilet, yes in the toilet.

If you need us, you better try my number.

I'm cranky.

Just a quick note about a couple of books I've been reading.

I started "The Lovely Bones" just after Christmas and finished it in about 5 days. It's very unusual for me to even like a fiction book, but this one sounded good, and it was. It started to drag a bit towards the end, you know how you get the feeling that the author doesn't really know how to wrap it up? But in all, it was very enjoyable.

Now I'm whizzing through a non-fiction (my favorite) book called "Sickened - A Munchausen by Proxy Childhood" and it is consuming me, Gollum! haha. I actually have no idea what that means.

Anyway - it's completely engrossing and I'm finding myself sitting at the kitchen table for w-a-y too long after the household is in bed, just reading reading reading. I started it on Monday and I am about 75% through it. I've always been a bit fascinated by the whole Munchausen syndrome and hearing it through the voice of someone who lived through it - suffering at their mother's hands to the point of near open-heart surgery is really spell binding. I've found myself near tears more than once, reading the unbearable things this girl went through, and how horribly horribly wicked her mother was. I have to keep reminding myself that Munchausen's is a disease, and the mother really can't help herself...but in reality I just want to poke her in the jugular with an icepick!

I have several other books that I got for Christmas that I can't wait to read. I haven't really sat down and read any books for pleasure since August when I started school. Any spare time for reading was spent devouring my "Emergency Care Of The Sick and Injured" textbook.

Ok, I'm off to read now. Don't wait up.


Well, it's no 'Vivor, but it'll do.

We started watching "The Mole - Celebrity Season" tonight, and it looks like it might be pretty good. It invites lots of banter between Mark and I, and that's part of why I love watching reality tv with him. We both have strong opinions (no, really?) about who's doing what to who and why, and that makes it interesting.

It's taking place in Playa del Carmen, so Cindi should be watching it too. Though I absolutely hate watching a show when people are saying "hey, I've been there! I stood right there! I ate at that restaurant! I went through those doors right there.." blech.

Mark and I pretty much keep our conversation to commercials anyway cause folks talking during shows and movies really chaps my hide. Thank goodness for my PVR so I can pause live television while someone who feels the need to talk can get it out and not talk over the show. I think it's partly an attention deficit or some sort of mental defect, because if I miss a few minutes, I really can't get back on track with what's happening. I feel like I've really missed something if I don't hear every word. I know I'm crabby about it, and that's why I'm watching at my house, and you're watching at your house.

I guess we're going book buying tomorrow - something we haven't done in ages. We haven't added anything in a few months, so book sales are a lot slower than they used to be when we were buying books every week. But car sales are really slow this month so Mark thinks we need to rev up the books a bit. I also need to find something part time to tide us over a bit until something else happens. I called the limo guy tonight and left a message for him to call me. If that's not going to pan out, I need to put my feelers out for something else. Hopefully I will hear something soon about my last EMT test, also. Gah. I hate not being in control...waiting around for other people to take action so *I* can progress. I'm in total employment limbo and it's not nearly as fun as actual limbo.

Every limbo boy and girl
All around the limbo world
Gonna do the limbo rock
All around the limbo clock
Jack be limbo, Jack be quick
Jack go unda limbo stick
All around the limbo clock
Hey, let's do the limbo rock

How about we just get a job instead.

So Dy, Laura and Debra's mom found their blogs. (one mom, they're sisters) I bet the phone lines were buzzing after that little tidbit came out. lol. I was surprised all their archives were still up. Not that they have anything much to worry about, it's just a knee jerk reaction when someone you didn't intend to be reading, suddenly starts reading. I've had to do it several times.

Mark was standing here when I read Dy's post about the whole thing. He laughed and wondered if they would all close their blogs down for good now, or start writing in a furtive manner. I hope not.

We segued into talking about my mom reading my blog, and how it doesn't censor me one bit. He said (accurately) that that's because if I say something negative about my family in my blog, I've likely already said it in person, or would have - and that I make no excuses for my candidness.

Being blunt and completely up-front is a good thing, and a bad thing sometimes. You are more likely to hurt someone's feelings, but people always know where they stand with me. If you've pissed me off, hurt my feelings, or irritated me in some way, you likely will be confronted.

I don't know where this behavior came from, but it is decidedly blatant. I just know with 100% certainty that life is easier when you confront things and people head on. I will not hesistate to affront salespeople, waitresses, friends, family, strangers, other people's children - no one is exempt. I remember when Mark and I first started dating, he couldn't believe how openly confrontational I was, and brought it up frequently. He loved it. He said he'd never been with or even been around someone who was so forthright. Besides the fact that he never has to question my true feelings, it keeps arguments and disagreements on an even keel, too - because you're never dancing around the real issue.

By the same token, I will freely offer compliments when called for. The same rule applies - waitresses, retail clerks, whatever. I will be as equally generous with positive dialogue as I am with negative.

I went to Laura's website, as opposed to her weblog - and saw that she had some blogs linked there with a little description, including mine. She described me as smart and funny (oh you is so sweet!) and sometimes caustic. I suppose caustic is an ok description, Merriam-Webster says it's akin to the words mean, acrid, and stingingly incisive. And I say, it's because the truth hurts sometimes.

Anyway, I hope the girls have gotten over the initial shock of mom stumbling into their place in cyberspace. Remember the episode of Seinfeld when George's fiance Susan started to edge into the tight knit group of Jerry, Elaine and Kramer?

George: "This is not good. World's are colliding! You have no idea of the magnitude of this thing. If she is allowed to infiltrate this world, then George Costanza as you know him, ceases to exist! You see, right now, I have Relationship George, but there is also Independent George. That's the George you know, the George you grew up with --Movie George, Coffee Shop George, Liar George, Bawdy George."

Jerry: "I love that George."

George: "Me too! And he's dying Jerry! If Relationship George walks through this door, he will kill Independent George! A George, divided against itself, cannot stand!"

It had to have felt a lot like that at first. But hey, it might even be a good thing in the long run, after the initial freakiness wears off.

They should just be happy their mom has learned to "google"!

I'm not looking forward to today.

Emma got up ultra early, around 7:30. She's allowed about two hours of tv, and she's chosen to use it all this morning, so as soon as the current show is over at 10am, she's done. For the day. Help me.

Everyone is gone at work or at school, which resumed today after a long winter break of nearly 3 weeks. Emma goes back tomorrow, she doesn't have school on Wednesdays. So if she decides to have a kaniption fit after turning the tv off, it's all me being the bad guy. She's already had a crying jag this morning because she said she missed her dad. We talked about why he has to go to work, but she said she's just worried he's going to slip and fall while he's at work and there won't be anyone around to help him get up. I assured her that Marcy would be there and would help him up if he needed it. I think she would just rather have him home because I'm stricter and she gets away with more when dads here. I'll have to try to find something fun for us to do this afternoon.

Also on the agenda is the post office, the bank, and paying bills. Im so excited I could just spit.


Yes, Emma loved the gym play place. "They had snacks and water and even a bathroom!"

We just got back from the grocery store, where we came home with quite a haul. An indication of how much is the clerk telling me at the end "You saved $78 on special buys!" Whee. One thing I am sure of, is it was too much to carry in in this coldness. Brrr. And no heat in the car, remember! I brought a big blanket and wrapped Emma up in the backseat with it. She kept saying "I'm sooo toasty!" "Wow, this blanket is warm!" "I'm sure glad I have this blanket!" Meanwhile I'm eating the icicles off my fingers so they don't get caught in the radio dials.

While at the store, we passed my the Little Debbie snack cake area and Emma said "You know those Cosmic Brownies? They consume me like the ring consumes Gollum." I mistakenly said "well, I don't know anything about Gollum." I now know that if Gollum wears the ring (three of them I think she said) for too long he turns into rubber. Don't correct me if I'm wrong, I'm sure I like her version better.

Also, at the end of shopping, our buggy was full of bags, and Emma was sitting in the front of the cart. The clerk said to her "Is it ok if I put the bread up here with you?" and Emma paused for about 5 seconds then told her in all seriousness: "I'd prefer if you didn't."

Is it time for Daddy to get home yet?

It's 10 degrees! Where'd I put my sandals...

The gym Katie goes to has a great children's play place where you can drop your kids while you're using the center. It has a huge tree and tree house in the middle of it, and it's just generally loud and crazy, exactly what kids love. And It's only $3 for 3 hours!

So Katie took Emma with her this morning, and Emma was excited to go. I was a little worried about Emma just being dropped in this giant place with a billion kids she didn't know, but Mark thought it would be good for her, and fun too..they have all the contact numbers and stuff, so there's really no worries. So that's where she is this morning.

I don't know what I'm worried about, she's probably already established herself as the boss, and the place is likely over run with ponies at this point.


Thank you to Laura and/or Dy for the great goodies that Emma brought. I can't wait to use the eye thingie! I didn't even notice the stuff in the box until today, and now it's Christmas again!

I tried to email someone that left a comment, but the email came back undeliverable, and I'd really like to get in touch - for a variety of reasons. So Chuck, if you're out there, email me at if you would, please.

Speaking of, we lost another mouse tonight, the last of the originals, Picky. We got him for Emma's 4th birthday so he was almost 2 years old. Quite long-lived, in mouse time.

RIP, Picky. Go spin that exercise wheel in the sky.

We all sat down together tonight to watch "Simon Birch", one of my favorite movies (Cindi got it for me for Christmas - yay!)

From the moment the laboring mommy sneezed and popped out a very tiny Simon, Emma was hooked. She loved that he was so so so small, and wore glasses just like her.

When it was over she said "that movie made my eyes a little wet".


It also sparked a bit of a discussion about death, where she announced that when she dies we should call Regina's (classroom friend) mom to come say a prayer when we bury her in the backyard with the animals. (Rats and mice that have preceeded us in death) After we told her that people get buried in cemetaries, not backyards she said

"Well, actually I'd like to be buried at school, in the rocks."

Always the non-conformist.


I worked on the new blog site for a ridiculous amount of time today, truthfully for about 4 hours. That's pitiful considering the minor changes I've made. I think it's gonna be good tho. After much thought, I know what I'm going to do. And it'll be good. It'll make me happy, and hopefully you'll like it too.

We'll be packing up the good china and moving over there in the next few days.


This is current as of right now. Isn't it supposed to get warmer as the day goes on?

Have I mentioned my car has no heat?

I'm not going anywhere.

I loved what everyone had to say about the last post. I think I have come up with a pretty good solution, but it's only 8:20 am, and I don't have my contacts in and I can't see to type, plus my mouse ball is really pissing me off.


I think I've totally lost sight of why I started writing here in the first place. I'm having a blog epiphany - and it's not pretty.

I sincerely hope I don't offend anyone, I'm certainly not trying to. I just want to explain why I want to zip this whole thing up in a body bag and give it a proper burial.

Lotsa folks are blogging way less than usual. I find myself not even checking my regular reads for days - even up to a week because they don't write much. And that irritates me. I'd rather just abandon reading anything at all and just get out of this - period.

Also, I feel like I post too much. And that bothers me. I should feel like I can write something whenever I want to. Who the hell is this for? Not you, me. Sometimes I put off writing things or don't write them at all because I feel like I've posted too much that day. And I'll think, "I'm not posting that - no one else posts a damn thing, why should I?" Why should I put down all these thoughts, feelings, events and activities when I have nothing to read in return. I want to go back to writing just for me and not caring about who posts what. I'm sick of clicking into people's blogs every day and finding the same post that was there 2 days ago. (they don't give a shit enough to have their blogs pinged when they post, so you can't ever tell when it's fresh)

This somehow became a communication tool, but it's sinking fast. It could be fun, but it's not. And when I step over the line a bit, and actually ask a question and invite comments, maybe 2 people do. That's fucked up. I know how many people are here, and I know how often you come in here. And I can't even get a few fun responses to a direct question? That along with other things shows me that I need to go totally back to writing for myself, because when I try to make this a place to congregate and have fun, people come but just look inside from the window, and lurk. I've decided to put down the blinds.

Folks could say - "well, you write for you, I write for me". But when you post 5 lines every 4-5 days, that's not a journal for yourself. That's forcing yourself to write something because you feel like you have to. Writing so that the"blog police" don't get after you. And that's bullshit. No one wants to read the rhetoric you feel like you "have" to write. Just pack up your marbles and go home, for God's sakes.

I am thinking of just going to a new private blog and just writing for myself. Just a personal journal where I can write whatever the hell I want - 50 times a day if I want to - and not worry that I post too much, or worry about who's reading and then getting pissed because they're not updating. I'll read Cindi's and Katie's because they're family and they write the kinds of blogs I like to read. I can stop feeling like everyone keeps stopping by here to see whats been written, but then they don't post themselves. I'm really really sick of that shit. I see in my sitemeter who's been here, and then I check their blogs and they've posted nothing. They have time to see what I'm writing, but not to leave something on their own site for the rest of us to read. Screw that.

I'm leaving this blog in the next few days. There's a very good chance I will be going totally private. I got really upset about this tonight, and Mark made me talk to him about it. I was getting upset and I felt silly about it, but this place is really ingrained in me, and losing it makes me sad. Even if I'm the one who's ditching's still sad. He agrees that if it's becoming a source of annoyance, then I need to change it. He had a lot of encouraging words, and gave me a lot of good input.

Writing here is a source of strength for me. It's a place I can put things down into words, and often sort them out "on paper". I can get things off my chest, or share good news, and feel good about it. But somewhere along the way this became a communication tool, but I feel like I'm the only one communicating. People will tell me "Oh, I love keeping up with this part of your life, and that part of your life, and you make me feel like I'm in the same room and we're having a conversation". And that's great. Except I would like to feel that way too. If you were constantly having a one-sided conversation with someone, it would cease to be any fun very quickly. If you tried to sit and talk to someone day in and day out and they never responded, you'd get up and leave the table and never come back. Talking to yourself would be more enjoyable. And that's exactly how I feel.

I'm just sick of this. And when it becomes not fun anymore, it's time to stop.

Katie, Mark and I went out to breakfast, then Katie left for Charlies. Mark and I pulled the sofa bed out on the couch in front of the tv, laid out clean sheets and a big blanket, and brought our pillows down from the bedroom, and we've been there ever since. It's absolutely glorious. We ate dinner there, and are about to have some coffee there.

There's 6 inches of snow outside, it's cold - and we're channel surfing and napping intermittently. We have no where to be and plenty of provisions.

It doesn't get any better than this.

I wonder if I will ever stop writing Ram on my checks. haha!

Yes the kids were fine and mommy made a bit of a spectacle of herself worrying about them. I think Katie felt bad, but called as soon as she got service. They hit bad snow near Conifer, and that delayed them a lot.

I'm having bad bad cramps, I used to get them really bad as a teen, then they subsided a bit in later years but lately they're bad again. It's almost become incapacitating for a day or two the past few months. I have endometriosis, which my doctor said would probably make my cramps get worse in years to come. They discovered it when I had my tubes tied. I was at first a little panicked, and asked "What are the effects of endometriosis?" My doctor said "It'll make you sterile".

Oh well, then.

He said as long as I wasn't having any symptoms that it wasn't anything to treat, since sterility was a non-issue - but now I'm wondering. Bah. It's almost time for menopause anyway, isn't it? Though I don't know if I'm quite ready to start learning how to use Mark's new beard trimmer. I also have a very low and tipped uterus (aren't all you fellas just loving this entry?) which makes for some difficulties with certain things. Tampons, mostly. I can't use the kind that get longer, only the ones that get wider. Otherwise it becomes like waiting for the red button on the bird on Thanksgiviing Day. "pop!" Turkey's done!

Many of you have absolutely NO idea what I'm talking about. That's probably a good thing. I'm rambling, aren't I.

I saw on some people's blogs that they had made lists of things they wished for other people in 2004. I started to do that, then realized I was wishing for things for me, from them. Things that *I* wish other people would do. That's not the point so I gave up. I'll just say that I wish you all are able to fulfill everything you want to do in 2004. For yourselves.

I'm not making resolutions, but my personal wish list for 2004 is to:

Treat Mark as sweet as he treats me
Spend time with my family more - the ones I don't see much- (my dad, sister, Amanda, etc.)
Be better about keeping the house tidy
Be more tolerant of the influences that stress me out
Not to let opportunities get away from me, and to recognize them when they present themselves
And in general, just manage myself better. Eat better, not smoke so much and maybe do a leg lift or two during commercial breaks of Dr. Phil

That said, I will have to say that 2003 was probably the best year I've had in a very very long time. I:

Made amends with my parents
I saw my oldest daughter get married
I went to school and actually finished
I lost weight
Paid off my debts
Started getting my teeth fixed
I had good relationships with Katie and Daniel
Built a great relationship with Mark.

I hope 2004 can measure up.


I can't concentrate on anything cause I haven't heard from Katie and Charlie yet. They left early this morning to go skiiing with their dad (well Katie's dad) and now here it is nearly 8:30pm and I haven't heard anything. It's been dark for 3 1/2 hours, and I've left messages here there and everywhere, but no one has gotten back to me yet. No one answers their phones, and I'm extremely worried at this point. Actually I was extremely worried 30 minutes ago. Now I'm beside myself.

I'm hungry but I can't eat, I can't sit still to watch tv, I can't even carry on a conversation with Mark. I keep going outside and looking for them to drive up. Even now just typing this makes me all weepy and even more worried. They should have been home, or I should have heard something by now.

Well, that was great fun. We saw "Elf" and laughed, chuckled and guffawed heartily. Will Ferrell is so dang funny.

Now I'm pulling books and catching up on business type things. No word from the Limo shop, btw. Grr.


So today on Oprah it's "princess for a day" day. Women are getting their dreams realized. Monday Shania Twain will be on the show. Why can't I be princess for a day on Monday, and have my dream realized? I just want to poke Shania Twain in the jugular with an icepick, that's all.

Damn, I never win anything.

I'm getting ready to go to the movies with my mom (finally!). I like to blast mp3's when Im getting to go somewhere, but some songs I can only play when no one is here because of the intense protest I get. So today, I'm home alone and the fun be-bopping music blasting through the house is..The Backstreet Boys. I love it.

One thing that was really cool about Mark's work meetup at the arcade the other night was meeting some more of the people he talks about all the time.

I don't know about you, but I always cringe a bit when he talks about women at work, and especially all the fun receptionists they have there. Many of them are young, thin, single, have had boob jobs, etc. He mentions one in particular quite frequently - Mark likes funky designed socks and so does she - so they compare socks frequently. You never really want your man to be so close to a woman at work that they are daily comparing clothing items that are not seen from the outside.

But when I met her she was quite nice, and said "I'm so glad to finally meet you, we were all so excited about Mark proposing. He talks about you all the time." Then she said something that really touched me. She said - "He loves you so much.."

In that one moment, a lot of old niggly jealous feelings that I had been trying to shake for 2 years fell away.

How nice is that.


Thursday Three

1. What is your lifeplan for 2004?
My lifeplan? Good lord, that's ominous, isn't it? My lifeplan is to have a life. Mostly to stop worrying about other people's lives that have no effect on me.

2. What do you plan to acomplish in 2004?
Hopefully be productive, land a job, have some fun, maybe get married, and convince Katie to live at home while she goes to school. muwahaha.

3. Is there anything/anyone/anyplace you plan to avoid in 2004?
I plan to continue to avoid the couple of people that give me high stress, which I've successfully done pretty well in the last couple of months. Since Mark and I had the conversation how he doesn't expect me to be nice to all these people who have very little impact on our lives, I've really let a lot of that go. I also plan to avoid anything remotely connected to building, gardening, home improvement, being crafty, or having a green thumb.


Katie and Charlie are here watching a movie I got for them, Dogtown and the Z-boys. I'd heard about it, and it sounded like something they'd like. It's a documentary about how all the surfers in Venice in the 70's started skateboarding, and how much flak they got for it. They are going skiing with Dan tomorrow so Charlie is staying over cause Katie and I were both afraid he'd sleep through his alarm and miss the boat. Or the lift, whatever.

I'm still bored.

Looks like Di, Denny and Laura are about to be socked with snow. Go get some milk and tp before it's too late! The weather report says it's going to start snowing tonight and likely won't let up until Saturday night. Estimates are for close to 2 feet in some areas, but looks like you guys might get by with about 6 inches or so. Time for some cuddlin!

Blogger is bwoken.

I feel like Jim in 28 Days Later, walking around hollering "heelllooo?!"

I have done absolutely nothing productive with this day. NO book orders have come in (I don't think that's ever happened before) and positively nothing is going on. I haven't heard from Mark all day (also extremely unusual) so I hope he's been really busy and hasn't instead fallen asleep in some backroom somewhere.

There's some parents on Dr. Phil that should be slapped.

That is all.

So it's 2004. Hm, doesn't feel much different yet. Maybe after coffee.

It's Thursday? It feels like Sunday. 'cept Mark is at work all day.

I'm bored.