Desert Sand Mica

Whatever, just crash it Bob...


Where has this day gone?

Mark's already been gone to get Emma and is back again. I've squandered away countless minutes (dare I say hours) in front of the food network. Now Katie and Mark have gone out for a bit of Christmas shopping and then when they get back we're gonna put up the Christmas tree, simmer some cider and load Christmas Vacation into the VCR. (It's a tradition, we always play that movie while putting up the tree).

Pictures to follow, to be sure. Life is goooood.

I was just informed that a good friend was killed in a car accident on Friday night. Rob Simonich was an icon in the knife community and I was priveleged enough to have not only spent a good deal of time with him at the Blade Shows in 2002 and 2003, but we spoke often offline and chatted frequently online.

He was a huge flirt, a lover of Guinness, and one of the most talented knife makers I know. He made a knife just for me and gave it to me at the Blade Show this year. I've been sitting here openly weeping this morning, reading what others have to say about him, and chatting to folks like myself that are stunned and deeply saddened. This loss has shaken up our little community and I miss him already.

Here's some thoughts from other friends of Robs, posted on our memorial board this morning:

  • Rob touched a lot of us in ways beyond knives that will be cherished.
  • Rob's passing is a huge loss for all of us. He was a gentleman of the first order and a maker of wonderful knives.
  • I was stunned by this information. The knife world has lost one of its brilliant lights.
  • Rob was my dearest friend, and a magnificent person. Everyone who knew Rob knew what a special person he was. Everyone who didn't know him knew he was a wonderfully talented knifemaker. He was an example few of us can ever equal.
  • Happy trails cowboy. We won't ever forget you!
  • Rob was and remains one of those rare craftsmen, one of those rare human beings, who stood out simply because he was who he was. Such a loss to the rest of us. What a joy to have known him for only a brief moment in this life.
  • The magnitude of this loss cannot be measured or expressed.
  • My world is less one good friend and brother. We all are a bit smaller for his passing.


  • Home again home again..jiggity jig.

    Well that was fun. No really it was. It was just a little loud, and a little smokey. But the atmosphere was fun. We all got pretty loud and obnoxious. The music was self described by the band itself as "Hybrid Hip-Hop Heavy Metal."

    It reminded me of some other bands I've seen at really small venues before they made it bigger, like maybe Good Charlotte. The band would play and then you'd see them at the next table just shootin the breeze. It was cool, cause Jody's (J) friend Dee knew a lot of band members. I took a bunch of pictures that I've put up at Scrapblog. I know that Scrapblog site is slow and clunky sometimes, but bear with me. Let me know if the link doesnt work for you at all.

    Well, now it's late and I smell like an ashtray. Yum!


    Even the Amish get a reprieve sometimes, don't they?

    We're going to Herman's Hideaway with M and J tonight. I've never been there but it sounds fun. I'm not much of a dancer but the "Lots of singles on the make--both sexes--and bop-till-you-flop couples. " sounds like fun.

    And no I am not done with the bedroom. Not even close. I instead studied a bit, and did a few other things that demanded immediate attention. *sigh. Maybe I will get to the bedroom tomorrow.

    Hope you all are having a good weekend.

    I'm grounded. Amish, I tell you.

    I'm not doing anything today ecept cleaning my room. It has reach epidemic proportions. It's a certifiable emergency! I'm grounding myself from any other activity or event until it's done. In my absence, I'd like you all to enjoy this version of Soundgarden's "Black Hole Sun" sung by Steve Lawrence and Edie Gourmet. (I've taken mercy on you and edited it to stop after about a minute.)


    Ladies, I don't know why you complain you have no Christmas Shopping money. Be resourceful!

    "This auction is for 1 pair of ankle socks I have been wearing for 2 days- I have actually had them for quite a while but just haven't washed them. I have worn them jogging, shopping, and even out to dinner- and after! I hate to part with them, but it is time for a new pair. Item will be cleaned via ebay req's, sealed in a baggie.."

    Hee. Not my socks, I assure you. If anyone were to bid on my socks, they would surely regret it once the package arrived. lol

    My days are all jacked up.

    Yesterday felt like Sunday. Today felt like Saturday. I'm just glad tomorrow isn't Monday, that's when I go take my EMT final. GAH!

    I am so tired, Mark came home from work and ate dinner then went right to bed. He's beat too, they were so busy today. Guess a lot of folks are getting cars for Christmas. Can you imagine?

    I set my alarm for 5:15am this morning, but somehow the time set on my clock got all screwed up and I actually got up at 4:15. I went in to wake Katie up and she got up, but was wondering why we were getting up so early. She finally told me what time it was and I tried to lay back down on the couch, but never really got full back to sleep. So I technically went to bed last night at 1:45am, and got up at 4:15. No wonder my bones are dragging.

    Amanda called us at 6am this morning, making sure we were up and on our way, cause she was convinced that we wouldn't get up and around that early. HA! We were pulling into 7-11 when she called, to get our wonderful Candy Cane Coffee concoction. She was standing in line to get into Circuit City at the time. We're all insane, I know! I wanted to try to hook up with her but we were all headed in different directions.

    I can't wait to get the tree up and start wrapping presents. Actually, it's become quite urgent as my C-mas present hiding place was already full before today, and now it's bursting at the seams! Everyone is gonna love what they got, tho. I can't wait! Bring it on!

    Ok, off to bed, to bed I said!

    8 1/2 hours later, we're home. Pooped, I tell ya. Totally pooped. And a bit poorer than when we left.

    But we got a LOT of stuff. We're such good frugal shoppers. The beginning of the day was insanity. I can't believe how many people got up to be at the store at 6am. Insane. and RUDE!

    Now I need food and a couch.

    Man, I SO have to get to bed! How in the heck am I going to get up at 5:00 am and go shopping!

    We've already decided to stop at "sev" and get some o' that Candy Cane coffee. yumm. We have our list and our plan all mapped out. Gonna be nutty. I think I'll bring my camera.

    Ok, off to bed. I think. I hope.


    And a frantic time was had by all...

    I don't what it is but everytime we have a holiday at my moms house, it ends up being this hectic event where everyone gets loud and in each other's face about everything. Not in a bad way, it's just silly. "The turkey's not brown." "You're stepping on mom's oxygen." "No one ate any stuffing." "We forgot the cranberry patties in the fridge." It's so nice to have everyone together at once tho, we don't get to have that nearly enough.

    So we ate and ate and ate and then we played Trivial Pursuit. Amanda and Katie felt like they needed to be a team, which they probably do since at lunch they thought yams were an animal. They won, but we didn't finish because in my ADD-laden family we all lost interest after about 20 minutes.

    Emma ate gobs and gobs of turkey, though the L-trip doesn't seem to affect her at all. She hardly slowed down for even a second. She's started sucking her thumb regularly, so we spent a large amount of the day popping that out of her mouth.

    Katie and I spent the morning pouring over the ads so we can plan our attack for tomorrow. We're starting at Michael's at 6am, then will move on to Walgreens, WalMart, Kmart, Kohls, Target and finally the mall. We have a list for every store, and what the time constraints are on the ads. Michaels specials are only good till 8am, so we have to start there first.

    Last night Katie and I were chatting online from different rooms, and pointing out urls to each other - ideas for C-mas presents for folks. She found a brand of clothing for kids called Horse Lovers, and we picked a few things from there that Emma will love. Emma's been asking for a whiteboard too, so I got one of those for her the other day. My mom got her that big My Pony book, which she saw in person at Cindi's book fair and fell in LOVE with. She'll be so tickled.

    Mark is on his way to drop the midget to mommy, and he'll be picking up Daniel on the way home. Then I think we're settling in with a fire in the fireplace and a bit of cuddling. You don't even have to ask what I'm thankful for today.

    Today has been draining to some degree. Mark and I had to sit down and come up with some plans of action regarding a couple of midget issues, and then later we had to have another heart to heart about other stuff going on that was weighing heavy on me. I'm so lucky that he gives me free reign to completely speak my mind, he listens and responds like he's been listening, and then completely supports my decisions. I needed to explain to him that I was finding it a lot of hard work (and largely unfulfilling) to play nice with all people, all the time. I've felt lately that my true self was being judged and pecked to death, like a chicken! Primarily with close family issues, but in general too, regarding school, and getting a job...everything.

    I was feeling like I had to play nice. He assured me that I don't have to, and that I can set all the rules in my life - and I feel better. Somewhat liberated. I feel like there will be a different aura around some of our more important issues, and I'm glad. I feel like he is totally committed to making this family a tight-knit cluster of respect and love that is virtually impenetrable. Don't worry about Christmas presents, that's the best thing I could have asked for.

    It's almost time to get to bed and get our bodies ready for the feast of November. Millions of turkeys have sacrificed their lives and the lives of their loved ones to be a shining center on our tables tomorrow. And we will eat, and chew and swallow them because they are freakin yummy!!

    Daniel might go to his dads tomorrow instead of my moms. That would be fine, it's just the two of them over there so I'm sure it would be nice having Daniel around. Mark is doing a late drop of the midget, so he could pick him up in the hills which works out just perfect. It will be fun to have Emma here on Thanksgiving this year, last year it wasn't Mark's turn to have her on the holiday, and the year before that we didn't celebrate with family, but stayed home and grilled steaks. I'm sure Emma will be the one laughing most hearty when my mom spills the gravy in her own lap again. lol - I just can't give that up!!


    Having an ok day. Emma and I are on our own today, and we're mostly just chillin. We did a bunch of number and letter recognition worksheets. She's off of all tv today and tomorrow because of continued fits when me or daddy or whoever either a)wants to watch something ourselves or b) decide that she's sat comatose in front of the television for long enough. Plus, and I didn't know this till today, her viewing quantity and habits came up at her school meeting. That's one thing about having a child get extra attention at school. You get extra attention too. They ask kids a lot of probing life-style questions, to get a handle on what's going on outside of school that maybe affecting school work. "How much tv do you watch? What kind of shows do you watch? What time do you go to bed? Do you make your own breakfast? Do you have food in the refrigerator? Do you eat dinner every day? Do you have your own bedroom? What are your chores?" (These are some that Emma could remember them asking..)

    It's a little unnerving sometimes, because I remember going to some of Daniel's IEP meetings, and it was weird that they knew so much about my home and our personal life, from talking to the kids. They knew I was having trouble getting Daniel to sleep and used to lay with him in his bed until he was out. (huge no-no - but in their defense they did show me ways to nip this problem in the bud!). And everything they ask and find out about is recorded somewhere. it seems. I don't know if they still do it or not (hasn't happened with Emma yet) but they used to come and visit in person too...just "ding dong, we're here!" Very weird. But they haven't done that yet. Not that it would bother me, I'd just have to hurry and clean the catbox while they waited. lol

    I really would like Emma to do well in school, and not have to go through a lot of what Daniel went through. I know he felt ostracized a lot because of being removed from the classroom so much to get extra help. Kids said some really mean things to him when he'd come back from a help session. Some kids are just jerks, and that's the way it is. I think she'll always struggle with some things - one thing they mentioned is that she is very weak, and by April needs to be opening (pushing and pulling and turning the knob) doors all by herself. They say she is much too reliant on other people. Well. All I'm sayin is there is a lot of things that she needs work on we can help with, but we can't make her bigger.

    Anyway...I digress. Actually I never "gressed" in the first place. I have no point. That's just whats on my mind today.

    I finally put that L*uis Vuitt*n bag that I got at the thrift store up on ebay. Well, technically I've had it up three times already. Ebay keeps removing it for violations of their listing policy. See, they don't allow you to say anything akin to "Cannot verify authenticity" or "I'm not sure if this is genuine", etc.

    Personally, I'm not sure that it is genuine. I know it could be. I know it might not be. But there are so many variations on the same theme, that it's nearly impossible to tell without actually purchasing the bag from a Louis Vu*tton store.

    So each time I put it up, ebay would remove it and write me a note saying that I couldn't use the words "L*uis Vuitton" without claiming absolute authenticity. I didn't want to do that, cause I didn't want it to come and bite me in the ass later when some poodle-cradling blue hair complained that I sold her a bunk bag. Not good, when your feedback has just passed the 3000 mark.

    So I tried every variation on the theme that I could think of but nothing would stick. Finally I wised up. I bought (on ebay) an authentic Lou*s Vu*tton dust bag. I have no idea what these are, likely something that accompanied a genuine LV bag when bought new. It's just a big suede pouch, big enough to fit your LV purse in - I suppose for storage.

    So now I could put the words authentic and Lo*us V*itton in the title, without making claim to the purses authenticity. So the title of the auction says "Speedy Purse and L*uis V*itton Dust Bag". I can use the brand name now and be completely legal. ("Speedy" is the style of LV bag. Too generic of a word to be taken as a trademark, don't you think?)

    I was very careful of the wording in the description, exposing myself as ignorant, and inviting anyone interested in bidding to write me first, to clear up any misconceptions.

    It has 6 bids since 11:30 this morning, with 6 and a half days to go. I keep thinking it's going to be removed again, but actually I think it's gonna be ok. I'm anxious to see what it goes for as it is already at $24. (I paid $2.89 for the purse.....and $6 for the dustbag). I don't even have a picture of the dust bag on the auction. I used the same pictures from the last 3 times I tried to list the purse. (I just orderd the dust bag recently).

    Anyway, I'm scamming for opinions here. Go read the the auction description. Tell me, if you had a fondness for LV bags, would you assume this is fake? real? Am I hinting that it's not real in a roundabout way? Am I hinting that it is? And decide too if it is assumed to be real, and then isn't....have I protected myself?

    Looking forward to honest opinions.


    Mark had a meeting with Emma's school caretakers about her progress, and we were a bit disappointed with the results. There's a lot of things we need to be working on daily. Today she earned a little bit of extra TV time by sitting down and learning some rhyming words. She also very maturely elected to "save" the tv time for later, so she could watch Animal Precinct, instead of Power Puff Girls and Dexter's Laboratory, which was the only thing on at the time. She needs a lot of work on her counting, letter recognition, fine motor, rhyming, and reading. Mark's busily downloading helpful software. She seems to learn well on educational programs, so I hope that gives her a boost.

    Emma also lost a lens to her glasses today at school. She has her spare pair, but now that's another trip or two up to the damn eyeglass place to get these repaired. Why can't somebody make glasses that hold up, for crying out loud?

    Katie and I did a littlke thrift storing today, though I was pretty much counting change, so didn't buy much at all. We were lamenting that we won't have a penny to play with at the after Thanksgiving sales. That's poopy. There's always such fun deals! I'm gonna have to see what kind of Peter I can borrow from to pay Paul with, know what I mean?

    Katie and Daniel are off school till Tuesday, I'm glad. I like when they're around. I'm looking forward to Thursday at my moms house. I hope she doesn't decide to wear the gravy again.


    Happy Birthday Denny!

    I'm in a grouchy ragged off mood this morning. Daniel got up late and that put him in a rotten mood which put me in a rotten mood. Mark was running late for an important progress meeting at Emma's school and that put me in a bad mood too. Then Daniel spilled an entire pot of coffee, which just put me over the edge. Then Mark's meeting went w-a-y long and he didn't get back in time to walk Emma to school so I had to scramble to throw on some sweats and shoes with no socks to get her there.

    Now I'm just plain grouchy.

    Damn, this turned out to be a long one. And all about one thing, no less.

    Here’s my problem with you all. No one is watching Starting Over and it’s really getting on my nerves.

    I go to the message boards at their site to hope to find a kindred spirit. Good lord, those women make the Survivor boards look like a meeting at Mensa. These people are sitting in their house on blocks with their 4-year old on their boob typing this shit out. (I do not want to hear from angry moms with 4-year old boob suckers. - you do what you want, I think it's weird.)

    I understand that this isn’t the most riveting hour on television. But by gosh I’ve gotten into it, and I’m tired of not having any intelligent banter about it.

    There’s a good mix of us here that watch Survivor. But what is the biggest draw about Survivor? Not the show, really. It’s the dialogue that we can all share after the show. We love to dish to each other what just happened on the show. We love to pitch strategies and outcomes to our spouses, sisters, and readers.

    So here is this engrossing, ridiculous program that introduces 6 strangers (women) into a million dollar home in Chicago, and they all “start over” and work through their “issues.” Actually there are technically 7 people in the house, because one woman’s eyebrows (Lori’s) are an entity in and of themselves. More about that later.

    They all come to the house with an emotional obstacle of some sort, that is preventing them from being the women they think they should be. The progress is stimulated by 2 “life coaches” (Rhonda and Rana) that assign homework and projects for the women to inch closer to their goal, and eventually….graduate. So far the issues range from “I never learned to drive” to “I am a complete and total paranoid, emotionally and physically detached person that is annoyed and uncomfortable by any human interaction at all..” (That’s Lori.)

    There have been 4 women graduate so far. As one woman leaves, she is immediately replaced by a new woman with new issues. The house dynamics are incredible to watch. Since the show is on 5 days a week, you see a lot more mundane interaction than you do on Survivor, for example.

    So basically what I’m getting at, is to hell with you all. I have no one to talk about this ridiculous show that I find myself hopelessly addicted to. So I am going to make you all listen to it to get it off my chest.

    Today I am going to go over a couple of the cast of characters.

    The aforementioned Lori. Lori came to the house with long, long frizzy, unmanageable hair and dorky glasses. She looked like something out of a Sylvia Plath poem, sans the black dress. She had only dated one man in her life – her husband. They married, and 3 months later he died. That was 5 years ago. Since then she’s been a veritable recluse, working a dead end accounts payable job hiding from her co-workers, her life and herself. She was the epitome of unsociable. She was unable to carry on a surface conversation, such as “how are you?” “how about this weather?” etc. Even now, though her conversational skills have improved remarkably, she still speaks as though she has to use he longest word and he longest sentence no mater what. She has no ability to “small talk”. Instead of saying - “I don’t want to do that” she’ll say - “The issue here, is that some people aren’t understanding that this particular exercise is very uncomfortable for me, and I’m not sure it’s something I want to attempt at this stage.” She’s a nut. She's come a long way, but isn't there yet. She looks great now tho, with a good haircut and some lip gloss.

    She’s one of the last 2 remaining original housemates, (other is Cassie) and I believe Cassie is graduating this week. The stigma of being the last original housemate to graduate should jet Lori’s esteem right over the moon, don’t you think?

    Lori’s eyebrows get their own classification as a member of the household. They are the most wiggly, expressive eyebrows you’ve ever seen. The arch that she can make them do is scary. When she raises one of those eyebrows, which is frequently, she can put somebody’s eye out. I found one Starting Over message board that had a whole thread dedicated to just banter about Lori’s eyebrows. Crazy.

    There’s Cassie, the last remaining member of the original 6. Her goal was to go to college and become an archaeologist. She had no money because she is a foster child. She had no support because she is a foster child. She has no ambition because she is a foster child. Ask her about being a foster child. Or don’t. She’ll tell you all about it anyway.

    Cassie has been on the show since the beginning, I think 7 weeks. She’s raised $28,000 and gotten herself accepted to a University in Chicago. She has a dorm room secured, and I think she’s moving out tomorrow or the next day. They never actually tell you you’re graduating till the day you do, but you can tell when it’s imminent.

    She held fund-raisers to pay for her schooling (it was all very weird) and had a raffle, where she cooked dinner for whoever won. She stopped people on the street and sold them raffle tickets for $10 a pop. Hey, whatever works. All I’m sayin’ is you wouldn’t have got ten cents without a camera crew following you around.

    Tomorrow looks fun. The ladies are driving around town and Cassie is hanging out the window screaming at other drivers. “You gotta turn LEFT, lady - its left turn ONLY!”

    And briefly, without any character assessment or explanation - is what is going on in the house right now.

    Kimberlyn has been in bed for 2 days, ever since the boot camp incident. Though it looks like tomorrow she is awake for a driving lesson.
    Teresa looks to be resting on her laurels for a day or two after flushing all her negativity down the toy toilet (look kids - it's a bank!) that the life coaches have provided.
    Audrey has a crush on her mentor, Billy Bob something - the country music star that is going to get her noticed.
    New girl - can't remember her name...Brenda? Nothing going on with her. She's settling in after just moving in yesterday.

    Well that about catches us all up. I hope you're so compelled to follow along that you are setting your VCR's and Tivos right now. You might as well join me. You're going to hear all about it anyway!!


    Well, it's all over but the cryin'.

    Tonight was our last official class, save for our tests. We also found out tonight that our National written test is to be delayed - up to 3 weeks! Someone somewhere dropped the ball, and blah blah blah. Rumor has it we can schedule it on our own through the National Registry of EMT's, so I will check on that tomorrow. I got all my skills signed off on, Trauma Assessment was the last one, of course the hardest. So much to remember. I was up till nearly 4am last night coming up with a way to remember all the points. And then I get to class and nailed it. It was awesome.

    So now Monday is our class final, and Friday the 5th is our practical skills test. That's doing all the skills in person for state-appointed proctors. I'm not really that worried about it, I intend to study and cram like a fiend until then.

    So we got off early, which was nice. Came home and gave Emma her meddies - liquid ones for her cough. Mark asked me to give them to her nearly as soon as I came in the door. He was saving it for me! How sweet! - heh. She took them so nicely tonight, all she had to say was "that's disgusting". Yes, I know. No you can't have any water. Goodnight.

    I feel like now I really have to spend some time each day getting this house in order. Especially ours and Emma's bedrooms. There's no way any Christmas gifts are gonna get put away with things looking like this. It's not condemnable or anything, mostly clean and dirty laundry that needs tending to.

    Oh here's something fun. I went down a jeans size, (to 14) without really trying much. My Old Navy jeans had gradually gotten so ridiculously big, everyone was constantly making fun of me, saying it looked like a had a load in my pants cause they were so baggy. I had finally resorted to wearing a belt (I never wear belts) just to hold them up. It had even gotten to the point where I could slip them off to go to the bathroom without unbuttoning or unzipping anything. So I found a pair at ARC the other day that are bee-u-tiful, looks like they had never been worn at all. They were dirt cheap too, which is good because I am counting change these days. It's so hard for me to find jeans because I have a man's ass and a mother's gut. So I'm really happy I found some, and even happier that they aren't a baggy 16! Whee!

    Ripped without permission, but respectfully credited to

    "Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling you this in advance so don't act surprised. Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.

    ...The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork.

    ...As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them."

    Go read the whole thing. Funny stuff.

    I got the pictures up from Emma's play on Thursday night. Looks like it was damn funny.

    Cindi is gonna cringe about this:

    There is an old mental hospital/institution really near my house that has been shut down for years and years. It used to just be kind of an afterthought for people around here, the fences were high and the place seemed secure enough. No one really knew anything specific about the place, just that a lot of kids lived there that weren't fit to live anywhere else. Over the years it's become delapidated and vandalized, though a lot of people I know wouldn't be caught poking around there for any reason. It's scary looking, and has that "insane asylum" stigma attached.

    Well, they're in the process of tearing it down to put in a SuperTarget. I've always wanted to go up there and take some pictures, but the fence still seemed pretty much intact and there are No Trespassing signs all over the place. Seriously though, I don't even like driving by that place at night. It's really creepy.

    So anyway, the other night I decided that I better go up there and get some pictures before the whole damn thing is gone. A lot of the buildings have been leveled already, but a few are still standing. I parked across the street and had to find a place in the fence big enough to get through. Once I got in there, I was so overcome with fear it was all I could do to just snap a few quick pictures. I could not make myself go around to the back of the building, or to venture too far from the road. I could have actually gone inside the place if I wanted to, but that was not an option. Scawy!

    I played around a bit with the light and color to get the best effect. Most of the pictures came off the camera completely pitch black, and some have been lightened up to 600%. The first picture of the whole building has what appears to be 2 little eyes in the far left window. I didn't put them there.

    The pictures from Ridge Home and Emma's play are both up at Scrapblog. Go take a look.


    It's time to decide what classes to take for spring semester. Should I take any classes? I have a sizeable amount of financial aid sitting there waiting for me...with strings attached of course. I have to take at least 12 hours, and they can't all be EMT/Paramedic related. Feh. Registration begins at midnight, and of course the best classes fill up fast. I absolutely need to take an EKG interpretation class and an IV Certification class, but other than that I'm kinda stumped.

    Though looking at the vast array of online courses available, maybe I will load up with those. I still have not made a hard and fast decision about going on to Paramedic certification, but I 'm thinking if I do, I will go next fall when Emma is in school all day Monday thru Friday. That's 8 months away, but I can get all my Anatomy and Physiology out of the way (online) if I want to before then. 8 months sounds like a lot, but I swear, it creeps up on you.

    Of course, this is all based on the presumption that I pass my EMT cert, and do not find a job. Time will tell.

    I just have a minute, I'm watching about 6 hours of "Paramedics" that I've taped, and it's freezing up here in the bedroom. Something to note - all the paramedics I've been around lately do not watch "Paramedics". Personally, I love it, it helps me hone my skills. Hell with them.

    Here's something fun, Katie blogged. Wow!

    Time flies when you're having hemoptysis...

    I've been making my flashcards. I need more cards. There's so much to remember.

    How did it get to be 3am?


    Since we just watched Vivor last night, I need to post a little sumthin sumthin about it, even tho it's old news.

    So. Rupert's outta there. How'd you like his little exit speech? Some teen mentor, eh? "wah, I never fit in, my dreams are never realized, this could have changed my life, wah wah." No offense bro, but I don't want you mentoring my kids. Their esteem would go right in the shitter, no doubt.

    And I swear to God, if someone does not slice Lil in the jugular next week, I'm going to time paradox myself to the Pearl Islands and do it myself. Again, is this the person you want as your kids scoutmaster? "wah, nobody likes me, I can't catch fish, look at my sad stupid face, wah wah." She scrunches up her face and pouts like nobody I've ever seen. She puts Emma's "I'm so sad" face to shame. Some scoutmaster.

    Lil is a dangerous person to consider as an ally. The problem with Lil is she sides with the last person that talks to her, have you noticed?

    About Burton...all I can say is "yo adrian."

    Darah - translator please.

    Tijuana - she looks too good to have been there for 27 days.

    Jonny Fairplay was amazingly tolerable this week, do you think? God forbid I say that he's becoming (gulp) likeable. I read an interview that Ryan O did after he was booted, and he said the Jon was actually no problem, and he was cool to be around. Factoid: Producers are making Jon look bad for a reason. duh. But what about next week? The Big Lie? Looks like Jon pretends something terrible happens and then it really didn't or what? I'm on pins and needles. Don't forget, it's a Wednesday night Survivor this week.


    Katie and I left the house this morning at around 11, and stayed at the mall till 3. What else is there to do? We got a fair amount of C-mas shopping done and then went to lunch at Chili's. We ordered a buttload of food and ended up bringing most of it home. (I'm not kidding, we needed 3 take-out boxes).

    The streets are hellacious. Very slick and slushy, and it's only 13 degrees out. Tomorrow is supposed to be even colder. I've brought some firewood in, and we are set for the next few days I think. I anticipate the midget staying at mommy's for an extra day or two.

    I can't wait till Mark gets home in an hour or so to start the logs and cuddle under a blanket on the couch. Hope you all are warm and toasty too.


    Seen over at Busy Mom's a few days ago. Funny as hell.

    Bar Signs.

    They've taken actual ASL signs and re-defined them into something...different.

    Insert a drink here, and I'll stop staring at you.

    Just sitting here thinking about my guy, and how lucky I am. This song always reminds me of how my opinion of myself kept me trapped inside my own mind for a long time. I felt stuck, and I was stuck. Meeting Mark truly changed so many opinions of myself, my confidence, my outlook, my goals, my future. He loves me completely, and shows me that constantly, without fail. He really has changed my life, and I feel blessed every day.

    (If you hate Mariah Carey, move on and be quiet)

    Once, I was a prisoner
    Lost inside myself
    With the world surrounding me
    Wandering through the misery
    But now,
    I am free

    You gave me a breath of life
    Unclouded my eyes
    With a sweet serenity
    Lighting a ray of hope for me
    And now,
    I am free

    Free to love, free to laugh
    Free to soar, free to shine
    Free to give, free to love,
    Free enough to fly

    Once, I was so all alone
    Unsteady and cold
    But your love rained down upon me
    Washing away uncertainty, yea yea

    Now, I...
    Now...oh, now..
    I am free.

    And because it's always about meme, the The Friday Five:

    1. List five things you'd like to accomplish by the end of the year.
    Oh but the end of the year is so close! Ok, I'd like to:
    Pass my Nationals
    Get a part-time job
    Get my bedroom cleaned
    Get all my laundry caught up
    Get some glasses

    2. List five people you've lost contact with that you'd like to hear from again.

    3. List five things you'd like to learn how to do.
    Fall asleep on command
    Speak spanish
    Get off the couch
    Not be so bitchy

    4. List five things you'd do if you won the lottery (no limit).
    Buy a 67 Mustang convertible
    Take a vacation overseas
    Get liposuction
    Get Lasik
    Buy a house

    5. List five things you do that help you relax.
    Surf the internet
    Smoke (yes, that too sometimes- so sue me)
    Watch TV

    Borrowed from other folks:

    1) What's the middle name of first person you slept with?

    2) What kind of underwear are you wearing, and what color are they?
    Oh, let's see. Vasserette - black shiny. (oooh)

    3) What song do you want played at your funeral?
    Celine Dion's version of Ava Maria (shut up, you'll listen to it and you'll be SAD dammit!)

    4) What is the number of your sluttiest friend so that some of your single friends can get some action?
    I don't have any friends sluttier than me.

    5) What would your last meal be before being executed?
    Cotton candy and a slurpee.

    6) Beatles or Stones?

    9) What is the thing most important to you about the preferred sex?
    Humor, loyalty, and a nice wee-wee. (heh-gotcha) Seriously tho, they have to be a good kisser.

    10) Do you secretly hate some of your friends but are too nice to reject them?
    Yes, sometimes

    11) If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
    Hm. I suppose healing.

    12) Favorite hangover cure?
    More booze! lol - actually aspirin and water water and more water.

    13) How many drinks does it take to get you drunk?
    I don't get drunk very easily. Mark actually gets drunk before I do. Maybe 7 or 8 beers (good beers, not piss). A few weeks ago we went out and I had 7 Amaretto Sours and felt nothing!

    14) Do you have any psychiatric problems?
    Probably. But I'm in denial about them. Maybe that's the biggest one.

    15) First movie you remember seeing as a kid?
    Oh wow, I remember going to the Arvada Plaza theater but don't remember what I saw there.

    15) Favorite person in the whole world?

    16) When's the last time you went on a date?
    Hm, a date. Mark and I go out frequently. I guess that's a date. Soo....lessee I guess two weeks ago today we went out with our friends M and J.

    17) Person you most wish you hadn't made out with?
    J*y G*mer. Good lord. What a mistake. Or maybe that one guy at the park. (I didn't meet him at the park-lol)

    18) If you are straight, what person of the same sex would you do it with?
    Hm. Tricky, tricky. I dunno, I don't like women actresses much. I seriously can't think of anyone.

    19) If you could date any celebrity, past or present, time and age are not a factor.
    Nic Cage, baby.

    Well, that was fun.

    I just got back from Wal-Mart where I wandered the store for an inordinate amount of time, alone. It was lovely. I got Mark some really nice warm, waterproof gloves cause his paws are getting cold at work and it's only supposed to be in the 20's for the next few days. Buuurrrrr!

    I think I will start a fire in the fireplace just before Mark gets home. We're going to have some coffee and watch Vivor, which we haven't seen yet. And amazingly enough, I haven't stumbled across anything revealing about who got voted off. Whee!

    Hope all is well where you are.

    Speaking of....

    Dy, you can have one of our old car seats if you want, we picked up a couple of these...

    It fits Emma's weight, and it even has a cup holder! Now I won't have to listen to the kids at school say "Why is she in a baby seat?" when I pick her up. Grr.

    I'm having a fairly decent blissday. Mark had a meeting before work, so he left here at 8:00, not intending to be back until after 9 tonight. But he came home for about an hour inbetween, just cause we need to spend more time together. That was nice.

    I'm a C-mas shopping fool on ebay today. I'm so pleased with how far ahead I am already. I will have very little shopping to do come crunch time. Since there is no money to do any shopping with, we decided some months ago that C-mas shopping money would only come out of our paypal account, from selling other things. A great motivation to go through my junk and get stuff listed and sold. It's working out wonderfully! I've actually been picking up things since about June, so I feel really pleased about that. I hate looking ahead to Christmas and dreading it because I had no money to spend. I'm really looking forward to Christmas this year. I've picked up some really really neat stuff.

    I have a little part time job opportunity that has presented itself. Cross your fingers, if it comes through it could be really really fun.


    Though last night was to be our last class, the class voted to have class on Monday to get continued practice in our skills. I'm SO glad. Today I am going to go get some 3X5's and make study cards. A good buddy in class "O", did this and I really liked the way they came out. Very easy to study with, whether you have 5 minutes or 2 hours. Love it.

    Speaking of "O", one thing I've been thinking about is not seeing these people anymore. Some of us have gotten rather close, and it's going to be a bit of a drag to say goodbye. Yes, we can keep in touch but we won't. You know how that goes. I'm especially close to the 2 guys that sit close to me, "A" and "O", and it's a bummer to think about those relationships just going by the wayside. Perhaps that will motivate me to keep in touch. We'll see.

    Guess that's about it. Nothing monumental today. Guess I should be glad I'm not down with a sick toddler or taking my frustrations out on people's hair.


    Back from volunteer hell. I'm kidding, it was fun. We made placemats that they're going to laminate and use at Thanksgiving. Emma's was lovely, of course. Funny how some kids want to perservere until their project is perfect, and some slop through it like it was poisonous.

    Then it was Thanksgiving Feast day, which I totally forgot about. Parents were to come and join the kids for lunch. School lunch. Ugh. I didn't have any money on me, but I remembered that I had put $40 in Emma's lunch account at the beginning of the year, most of which was still there. So I stayed and ate with the kiddos. Well ate is a subjective term. The turkey was...well, it was round first of all, like cheap deli meat. It also had a ring of yellow around the outside. Scary. The smashed potatoes were edible, as was the bread. That's about it. The pumpkin pie was which I mean the plate it was sitting on was accumulating a gradual puddle of water under the pie. yikes. I drank my milk and most of Emma's too, and that's about it. I was comforted by the fact that I knew I had Diet Coke and cigarettes at home that I could get to in short order.

    Now I need to tidy and study. Dy is coming this evening for Emma's play, and the house is less than presentable. Rock on, little pigs.

    Listening to: Internet Radio (BRMB)
    Eating: Ugh - it's too early to eat
    Drinking: Coffee coffee and more coffee
    State of Mind: cluttered
    Multitasking: 8 other websites open
    Who Im chatting to: Keith
    Thats fucked up: I need a shower, but am so lazy this morning

    Gotta go be the volunteer d'jour at Emma's classroom today. They have a play tonight (The Three Little Pigs Rock Out) but I won't be there. I don't dare miss school this close to the end. Tho, as I've said many times before, I believe I have attended enough elementary school programs to last a lifetime. Emma is playing the "straw house". I'm sure it'll be really cute.

    Off to get clean and ready for the day. Hope everyone is warm and happy today.


    My mouse is not working. It takes about 40 spins of the ball to get it where I need it to be. It just needs a little cleaning, but Mark does it really well, so I'm leaving it.

    Class tonight. Bah. We had cops come in and tell us about violence against EMT's and how to protect yourself, your scene, your patient..etc.

    It was going pretty good until he started talking about knives, and then lost all credibility with me. He had no idea what he was talking about, and gave out mis-information about certain knives and how to use them. He said things like "you'll probably never see this knife, as it is only sold to police officers." Not true, available everyone. He also said it had been discontinued by the manufacturer. Also not true.

    Then he said these are very dangerous knives, but also something you'll never see because they are very hard to get. Um, hi. I have one in my glovebox, thankyou. I could point you to 100 places to get one.

    Sheesh. I know I'm being overly critical because I'm a veritable expert {cough} but c'mon. At least make your information truthful.

    I'm off to bed. I know...oily for me. But I'm beat. Nite all.

    Another postcard
    with chimpanzees....

    I actually got a bit of a nap this afternoon before the "turn off the tv" meltdown that ensues nearly daily here. Dunno what we're going to do about that, we've been talking a lot about some different approaches. Today it's given me a headache.

    I'm off to class in a bit. The next to last one, I think. There's been some speculation that the proctors might be around next week for people that need to practice skills before the big show-down. That would be awesome. Some skills we haven't done since way at the beginning.

    I hear Katie and Daniel arguing. I usually stay out of it, but I'm hearing swearing so they must be pretty mad. lol. Everyone have a sweet night - cuddle with your honeys, it's gettin' cc-cc-cold outside.

    A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says "Hi. I want you to know that I hate drawing welfare and I'd really rather have a job."

    The man behind the welfare desk says, "Well, your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. The starting salary is $200,000 a year".

    The guy says "You're bullshitting me".

    The welfare clerk says, "Yeah, well, you started it".

    You can go make one too!

    Is it time for a nap?

    Emma and I have been gone all morning, since about 8:30. We had to run a bunch of errnads, then go to Motor Vehicle, where we waited in this line then that line, then this line again for nearly 2 hours. I had a non-moving violation about 2 years ago that I decided to ignore. Well, they finally suspended my license. Gah. I had to pay the ticket, (plus a hefty late fine, thankyouverymuch) pay to get my license re-instated ($60), plus pay to get a new license. ($16). Believe me, I am kicking myself for not paying the original $35 ticket.

    Plus, I had to get a criminal history background check today. All of this is for my EMT Registration (dependant on me passing, that is).

    After all that, you know damn well we went and got slurpees.

    Now, I'm pooped.


    Here's a great parenting tip. It almost always works. Almost.

    Emma hates the taste of liquid cough/cold medicine. Who doesn't? But oftentimes, it's necessary. She loves the little Triaminic softchews, but those were nowhere to be found this morning. So I did what I always did with my kids. Take a portion of a "Severe Cold" tablet, or the pharmacological substitute of your choosing. Mush it up to a fine powder with two spoons and bury it in a spoonful of applesauce.

    The great thing is they don't even taste it and can have as much water as they want after it. (Never give kids water after liquid meddies, btw).

    The bad thing is when said child HATES applesauce, gags and pukes it all over your shoes.

    Ok, so we decide to try to salvage the evening. Me, Daniel and Emma go to Walmart and get what we need. (Emma meddies, little debbies, body wash, you know - essentials.) Then we go to Chili's for dinner. Fine, great.

    Then halfway through dinner I get a text message from Katie: (verbatim)

    "Um, is liability insurance for when you hit someone and it's your fault? Cause I hit someone and it's my fault."


    It was minor, maybe 5-8 miles an hour. The van she hit was already well dented. She was looking behind her shoulder to get over to another lane or something...and then ::crruunch::. Katie said the lady was foreign and not too concerned, but we'll see what happens. Our instructors have told us many times that non-english speaking accident victims seem to know the phrase "my neck! my neck!" all too well.

    I'm going to turn the porch light off and lock the door. Maybe the bad luck fairies will think we've all gone to bed and move on to someone else.

    Trouble in doggie-land.

    Ok, we don't have a doggie. Old Steve Martin reference I think.

    I have a rip-roarin headache. Things in this house have gone from great, to good, to bad to worse. Mark and I had a great morning, then he went to work and I got few things done and even got a 30 minute nap. Then Daniel got home and we got in an argument. Then Emma got in trouble. We were all to go to Wal-Mart after school but I turned around halfway there and said fuck it, I don't feel like going anywhere.

    Now everyone is quiet and the mood in the house is sour. I don't see the dark clouds lifting anytime soon.

    Can I have a do-over?

    4 months later -

    I finally have a slew of Amanda's wedding pictures up. Go see. My mom will be so happy.


    Am kinda mad, kinda grouchy, kinda to just leave my bedroom door closed, thank you.

    Class was ok tonight but we had a guest lecturer about HazMat - yes not the most interesting thing, but obviously necessary or we wouldn't have wasted 3 hours on it. But there are a group of A-holes in the back of the room that normally are just annoying, but tonight were downright rude and immature. Laughing, talking - even finally throwing things. People, please. We've paid a lot of money for this, at least I have. Maybe your mommy and daddy foot the bill for this for you, but mine didn't. God I was pissed when I left there.

    And then I just broke down on the way home. Was feeling emotional about stupid shit and just out of control. I cried all the way home and then put on my happy face for everyone here. Even now, I'm crying again! Is it stress? If anyone asked me "what's wrong?" I wouldn't have a clue what to tell them.

    I'm looking forward to tomorrow when everyone is at work and school and I can have some alone time. I will be especially glad to get some laundry done.

    Gonna go hit the couch for a bit. Later gators.

    Man, I am really really not wanting to go to school tonight. I just want to crawl in the covers behind me and channel surf, getting up only to pee and get munchies. I guess I have short-timers syndrome or something. Though in head I know I need these last few classes like a hooker needs crack. They are a must-have for me to get through the tests coming up. And since I didn't go to school on Thursday, I feel behind.

    We bought a new washer today. A new new new one! Retail! AUGH! What's happening to me!? Well, at least we won't have to worry about it breaking down in 2 months. It wasn't too expensive, we got it at Sears so it should be a good one. It's in the living room, we still need to get the old one out and the new one in. I'm so disappointed I won't be a party to that. - "Sorry guys, I gotta go to school - have fun!!"

    Hope everyone has had a good Monday.

    Monday Mission

    1. I read an article that said the reason many people like hot and spicy food is because that pain actually causes them pleasure. Do personally find a connection between pleasure and pain?
    Sometimes, but definately not with food. I hate spicy food. I threw away a Good Times chicken sandwich last night because it was too spicy.

    2. On the local NPR station there was a news item that about a recent study which said men who do housework get more sex. What do you think about that? Why would that be the case?
    Of course it's true. We're exhausted. Help us out, so we're not so tired come 10pm. I'm so lucky that way. Mark does a ton of work around here.

    3. A friend and I were talking about the stigma attatched to divorce. He said that men can usually be divorced and not have much social backlash, but that women are often looked at as having failed in some way. The church especially, he said, tended to look down upon divorced women as if it were totally their fault and not the man's. Do you think there is a double-standard when it comes to men and women and the stigma of divorce?
    I've heard this too, but I have not found it in my circle of friends and acquaintences. People (myself included) will judge no matter what. If a man's ex is unattractive, and his new wife is attractive, folks will say he left her cause she was ugly. Maybe, maybe not. You just never know what's going on behind closed doors. As far as divorced women appearing to have failed in some way? I don't think so. Maybe men look at it that way, but I don't think women do.

    4. On that same topic, I just read an article that said parents with daughters are more likely to divorce than parents with sons. Do you think there is any validity to this?
    No, not at all. If the statistics point that way, I think it's a coincidence.

    5. Do you think the way a Father raises his daughter has an impact on the type of men she will eventually have relationships with?
    Yes, definately. I think women seek out men similar to their fathers, good or bad.

    6. Have you ever found your body craving some sort of food? Meat, chocolate, fruit and even water, the body tends to know what it needs. Do you get food cravings? Which are the most powerful?
    I'm very attune to my body's cravings. Slurpee, cotton candy...the body asks and it shall receive.

    7. Do you have any type of skills you can "fall back on" if you needed to change careers suddenly?
    My forte is administrative work, but I hope to never ever have to go back to doing that. Ever Ever Ever. I don't want to sit at a desk, I don't want to answer a phone, ("Thank you for calling asshats incorporated, how may I help you?") and I never want to push papers again. No deadlines, no sitting on my ass all day. Nope, thanks.

    BONUS: Ain't that a shame?
    My tears fell like rain.

    Well, since this person has decided how fun it would be to hack into everyone's blogrolls and screw everything up, I'm surprised you're reading this at all. I've removed my blogroll code for now, until the matter is fixed. Until then, feel free to email and thank her for putting some excitement into the morning. I hope she fries! (If you don't know what I'm talking about, someone has hacked blogrolling apparently, and changed everyone's links to link only to that person.)

    So Emma is off to school, and it's time for a shower and get ready for the day. Lots to do today. Find a washer, work at Cindi's bookfair, and school this evening. Blah!

    I can't think about anything else except getting through this week and then passing this class. I feel so stressed and so worried. So unsure of myself.

    Today was Katie's 18th birthday. Amanda cried at lunch because her sister was turning 18. We had fun at Olaf Gahden. I'm so proud of Katie, she is the daughter everyone wishes they had. She got a lot of fun stuff, and seemed to genuinely have a really nice day. She spent most of it with Charlie, then came home and organized all her new craft supplies.

    Anyway, seriously, I have tons I could write. Things I keep meaning to write, but I just cannot hold a thought for more than a minute or two before reverting back to all that is coming up in the next two weeks.


    Oh, I forgot to mention i got in a "push the hangers" fight with someone at Arc. You know how they are looking at the other end of clothes and you both keep pushing the hangers over to their end so you can get room to see? Well I pushed a little, then she pushed a little. I thought "are we really doing this? So just to be sure I pushed them really hard and really far over to her end. She did the same. ha! I said "You bitch." and walked away.

    I was there first.

    Yea, not blogging much today.

    Had to get up and go to the laundromat again. Bleh. I want all of you to go and KISS your washing machine right now. Appreciate it! Love it! Someday it will be gone and you will be sitting in a laundromat with a book and a soda, listening to idiots talk about nothing.

    Then I took Daniel to his dads, went to lunch with my mom, helped her C-mas shop online, went to arc and now am home for good. Mark isn't feeling well and came home early. I told him on the phone from Arc to go to bed, but he said he couldn't go to bed sick without a fair amount of couch cuddling first. He's such a baby. My baby.

    Anyway, tomorrow is Katie's 18th birthday! Woohoo! We're having a big family lunch together, should be fun. I might be going to my friend Tom's in the evening. Love hanging out there, he's so fun.

    This is my last week of school, do you believe it? I can't. Lordy, am I ready for all this?



    That doesn't begin to describe this day. It started off a little slow, sat around and watched icky middle-of-the-night-almost-morning-tv at the ambulance station till about 7:30. Then all hell broke loose and we didn't rest all day. We were at the hospital 6 times in 10.5 hours. Lots of really really cool calls, some sad...some really sad. I won't bore you with the details, I promised myself I wouldn't do that and turn this into a "What happened today on the ambulance" blog. I've thought tho that if I do get a job as an EMT, I will keep a separate blog, or journal just for that. Maybe just for me.

    It's hard not to reflect on the lives that changed so drastically today tho. Even sitting here at my desk hours later, I'm thinking about things that happened, and how we handled it. The faces of folks stick out in my mind, and what's ahead for them. I wonder how seasoned EMS folks get that out of their system.


    The concert was absolutely awesome, we had a great time. It was me, Katie and Daniel and tho Katie came as a last minute replacement, I'm so glad she did. She said that she was bored, but she was a trooper anyway. She did like seeing Goldfinger, so that was good. (Eve 6 played too)

    I was front and center during most of Good Charlotte. There was a fair amount of crowd surfing going on, and then the moshing started. Good Charlotte picked up on the mosh pit right away and ordered everyone on the floor to mosh too. I got caught in that for about 3 minutes and then had to - had to - get out. We hung out a few rows back after that, where it was cooler and there was at least an inch or two of elbow room. Katie and I kept text messaging each other, asking "where are you"? We'd hook up again and then get separated. lol

    Good Charlotte was great, and they played for 90 minutes. I was singing along like a fool, believe me. (I know you do).

    But man oh man, I need to get some sleep. We tried to nap at the ambulance station today, we actually got to take our shoes off and lay all the way down about 4 times. But as soon as we would all start to drift off - ::Beep Blaaap Beep::!! -and away we would go.

    I'm headed for the couch just now. Don't call, cause I ain't answerin'.

    I'm off for 12 hours on a rotation. Y'all be good.


    Oh man. This is silliest thing ever. Come to the concert with me:

    Powered by audblogaudio post powered by audblog

    Seen everywhere -

    Monthly astrological analysis. Strike out and correct what doesn't apply to you.

    Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. (No, more like highly lazy.) Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. (Average cuteness, I'd say.) Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. (I need lots of motivation, and I am easily swayed.) Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). (Not even.) Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. (No, stomach usually. I get a lot of nausea, it seems.) Good imagination. Good physical. (I don't think so, but better than some I suppose) Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. (Literature, yes. Arts, no-no-no.) Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift. (See below)

    So what do we have?
    Stubborn and hard hearted, strong willed.
    Basically a cold-hearted bitch

    Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings.
    Needy, pouty, short-tempered, and a flirt.

    Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Good imagination.
    I do have a little ESP goin on sometimes. Actually what it is, is that I have this uncanny ability to "picture" people without seeing them. If Mark is talking about a friend from England, I can picture him and when I ask what he looks like, I'm amazingly accurate. Same with blogs, I can read a blog and picture the person and then see a picture, and it's very very close. Weirdness, eh? And I have a somewhat good imagination, for instance I am usually a great gift giver, honing in on gifts that have to be thought out, and somewhat assembled. (Like framed photos I've taken, etc.)

    Weak breathing.
    Let's not go there. I'll quit. Eventually.

    Loves literature.
    Oh yea, big time book fiend.

    Loves traveling.
    Who doesn't? And I've traveled so little, I really want to do a LOT more.

    Dislike being at home. Restless.
    I do get bored very easily, though I don't mind being at home. I don't like being alone too much tho.

    Not having many children.
    How many is many? I have 3.

    Can be, if motivated enough. I tend to do a lot of tasks half-assed tho.

    High spirited.
    So they say.

    Ok, so what does spendthrift mean, exactly? A thrifty spender, or a careless spender? Oh, I just looked it up.
    Pronunciation: 'spen(d)-"thrift
    Function: noun
    A person who spends improvidently or wastefully
    Ok, so that's not me at all. I will barter, bargain, lie cheat and steal (well....) to get the best deal on something. People are amazed at the price I paid for things. Heh. I love it. We'll have to strikethrough that word.

    So there ya go. About half-right, as with most astrological analyses.


    I went to the dentist this morning to get my permanent crown placed. The color is not quite right, but we're gonna leave it for now, because I am having my teeth bleached soon, and he said he will just do the re-coloring then. This root canal and crown is all paid for, I paid the $284 balance on it today. Now I go back mid-December for the next one. I will be so glad to get this all done, done, done. I love my dentist, but we're getting a little too chummy and I'm starting to feel like I'm financing an addition on his house or something.

    Listening to: Good Charlotte, duh.
    Eating: Nothing, I need to - hungin.
    Drinking: Cold (filtered - ha!) water
    State of Mind: dark
    Multitasking: Doing a BIO report on cell meiosis
    Who Im chatting to: No one
    Thats fucked up: my mood

    I'm grouchy and irritable. Good thing nobody is home.

    How do you get over being mad at yourself for wanting something you shouldn't want. But you really do want it.


    Ooh, boy golly did we have fun at the laundromat today. I finally drag me and Emma's rears out of the house at 1:30. Two hours later, 3 loads of laundry is done. Bleh.

    But Emma had a grand old time. She colored for a while, and then she discovered this:


    She had the best time pushing this thing around all afternoon. She also had to cart all the wet clothes from the washer to the dryer too. Then she put clothes in the bottom dryer, put the money in and pushed the buttons. Ha!

    - -

    Mostly, she just raced around with her buggy thing. I put her in it for a while and shoved her down the hall a few times. She hated it, as you can imagine. (Not.)

    A lot of the pictures came out bleh. Blurry. (I need a new digital.) {cough}



    So 24 hours from now the Good Charlotte concert will be over. Done. Kapuut.

    And I'm so stupid, cause I'm already dreading that feeling! I feel the post event let-down before the actual event. Cindi and Katie do that too. We're so weird. We make ourselves miserable, I swear.


    Here is my Dr. Phil quote for the day.

    (I like to substitue the word history with the word baggage).

    In every relationship, people bring a certain history along with them. Things that have happened to them before you did. And this history that you bring can either contaminate the relationship - or it can contribute to it. {paraphrased}

    Mark and I have talked ad nauseum about how our history contributes to this relationship. And have talked about how other's histories have contaminated other relationships we've had. Almost every relationship I've had I can attribute it's success or failure based on the history we brought in, and how it affected the other person.

    Go, Phil.


    This is so silly. We had a faux mass casualty scenario tonight. Half the class were medics, and half the class were victims of a gang shooting that was still going on. You can hear me laugh at the beginning, I hadn't turned my walkie talkie on before entering the house and couldn't see to turn it on cause the lights were flashing off and on.

    Thought I would record the insanity for you. It's long, and most of it is just yelling. lol

    Powered by audblogaudio post powered by audblog

    We also did a scene where most of us were on a bus that had turned over on it's side. We were laying on our sides on the floor, sitting on chairs, also on their sides. There were tables on their sides above us, like the roof of the bus. We had minor injuries, but all had altered mental status, so were supposed to be talking nonsense over and over. I kept saying "Has anyone seen my pig?" The guy next to me was saying "the tribe has spoken." And someone down the line kept asking "is that your final answer?"

    It was a hoot. We got out early, and no one wanted to leave. Fun, fun.

    The midget and I are headed out to the laundromat. She's got her take a long bag packed with all her necessary distractions. Coloring books, crayons, a snack, a bottle of water, and of course a few ponies. Maybe just maybe I can read while my clothes are washing, whatdya think.

    I've just been doing some amazon wish list shopping for some folks that are kind enough to have a wish list. It's not just books you know, you can wish list food, clothing and stuff from Target even. Do a favor for the people that buy stuff for you and make a list. MOM!

    Today on Dr. Phil...

    What a silly convert I am. But today. Oh my. Bride nightmares.

    One girl nearly passed out going down the aisle. One woman is starving herself to fit into her wedding dress, and so she won't look fat. She goes for stretches of 7 days with no food whatsoever. Fascinating!

    But this last couple was weird. Shauna and somebody. The shy bride. I'm watching them during their little pre-show "here's us at home showing you what our problem is" clip - and I thought "This is a re-enactment.". It was like a bad Rescue 911 episode with really bad actors trying to portray fear and franticism. You just can't fake that.

    So this couple was exhibiting their "natural" behavior, which entailed her not wanting to be the center of attention at her wedding. Being so shy that the mere thought of her wedding gave her hives and nausea. And it all just seemed so contrived They didn't really have an answer for any of Dr. Phil's questions. And when they did answer, it was like they couldn't get their stories straight. Weird, did you think? Tell me if you watched it.


    It's almost here!!

    I'm so excited for Thursday's concert. I have to send a big thank you to Spencer, once again for sending me notice about pre-ticket sales - and send him double props because we are in the 4th row on the floor. We'll be seeing plenty of this:

    Though I won't be doing any crowd surfing myself, thank you. For some reason the kids get a weird look on their face when they see a 41 year old wide load coming their way via the crowd-surf passaround. Go figure.

    I really like Good Charlotte, and they are probably my favorite band, with Saves the Day a close second. I saw Good Charlotte he first time at a really small venue, when they were really struggling to get noticed - I don't even think they were the headliners. Mark really likes them too, but he's not so good at a concert with a ton of screaming 15 year olds. I know Daniel likes them because their lyrics echo so many feelings he has about school, family, love, and life in general. He's pointed out lyrics to me several times and said "This is exactly how I feel."

    Not bad for a 4-some from Waldorf, Maryland who only put the band together 7 years ago at ages 16. (Bio)

    Life. Hope. Truth. Trust. Faith. Pride. Love. Lust. Pain. Hate. Lies. Guilt. Laugh. Cry. Live. Die.

    Some friends become enemies
    Some friends become your family.
    Make the best with what you're given
    This ain't dyin, this is livin.


    Ohh, what a fun day.

    Emma had a long day at school today so Mark and I seized the opportunity to just go out and about like old times. We went to breakfast, went and picked up an air conditioner we won on ebay, and then went to 3 thrift stores. I didn't spend very much money, but I got some really cute winter hats (oh my god they're cute) and some storage containers for all of Katie's craft stuff she's been accumulating. We also got 6 bags of books, which was tons o fun.

    Emma had a play date after school, and they didn't bring her home till 7pm. She was full of energy and words when she got home, and that was fun, but it was nice to have just that few extra hours of quiet.

    The washer still isn't working and may be DOA. We'll know more in a day or so, and may have to get a new one this weekend or something. So for now, it's helloooo laundromat. At least I'm reading a good book, so I can bring that and ignore all the weirdos. I think I will go do that in the morning.

    Hope everyone is doing swimmingly. Catch ya later alligator.

    I love this quote that Jennifer had on her site today..

    "At the worst, a house unkept cannot be so distressing as a life unlived."
    ~Rose Macaulay

    I am definately living my life. I've wasted so many years and so much emotional energy trying to be the thing/person that the other people in my life wanted.

    I've taken risks, I've stepped out on a limb, and I've leapt out of my box.

    No only won't I have to lay on my deathbed, reflect on my life and say "Well, that sucked..." I won't have to say that about this year, or even this month.

    You all know that things around here aren't peachy all the time, but I can definately say that we are living life. We are experiencing the things that build memories, instill values, and show good character and integrity to ourselves, and to our kids. There are a lot of people around the world that would give anything for a family like this.

    Most of the time we have no money, we drive crappy cars, and shop at the thrift store. We eat shake-n-bake and tuna helper sometimes.

    But we are proud of how far we've come, individually and as a family. We don't waste money, we pay our bills on time, and we don't have any debt. We treat ourselves when we can, and that's always for something really special. ($110 for 3 Good Charlotte tickets qualifies).

    And we have some damn good times. Most of the things we do as a family don't cost anything at all. We are just glad to be together and in each other's company.

    Nothing has been handed to us, we've worked hard to get to this place in life. But it's a really nice place to be once you get there.

    So stop cleaning your damn house, or worrying about it. And go live your life. Have fun, make memories, take pictures, and sing songs.

    No regrets.


    Sounds like Dy had a nice time in Aspen. Sounds beautiful, though doing stuff like that alone makes me depressed and lonely. I'm glad she's having a good time. Drive safe!

    I'm off to school with a bit of a new attitude, thanks to Stacey who got me thinking about stuff. I've come to the conclusion that he "big picture" is stressing me out, when really I should be looking at the small individual goals. Instead of thinking "Oh god, I only have ____ classes left to get this all done" , I have to just look a each class as a small goal to master. Same with each and every point on my calendar.

    That said, I'm actually looking forward to class tonight. Go figure.

    Oh here's somehing really fun. My washing machine isn't working.

    No Monday Mission today, so I pulled one out of his archives.

    1. Do you have a side of the bed on which you prefer to sleep? Do you sleep on that side even when traveling or does it matter?

    When I was married I always slept on the right side of the bed (as you're laying on it) and I still do. It feels a litle anti-feng shui-ish when I don't. And yes, I sleep there when we're traveling too.

    2. What is your favorite "Theme Park?" How come and when was the last time you were there?
    I like Theme Parks for the rides. Ambience is nothing, really. I haven' been to that many, Disneyland sucked, but was fun for the kids. The rides were just lame-o. I loved Magic Mountain in Calif but got a migraine halfway through the day and couldn't even fathom riding anything else after that. Plus, it was 114 degrees that day. I've never found an amusement park ride I was afraid to ride.

    3. What is your most and least favorite thing about staying in hotels?
    Hm, I love the little sample things. How white trash is that? And I love when you go out for the day and you come back and everything is all tidy again. The worst thing? Leaving.

    4. Did you ever take family vacations that required looooooong car rides? Were siblings involved ("Stop touching me! Don't cross this line!)? Were the trips just unbearable or did you make up some "car ride games" to pass the time?
    Not as a child, but when I was married we drove to California a few times. Once when Daniel was 1, Kt was 3 and Amanda was 7. Not fun, not fun, not fun. One California car trip was ok, the kids were older and I read "The Green Mile" to everyone while we rode. They liked that.

    5. With all the drilled peep-holes and spy-cams we hear about on the news, have you ever felt self-conscious about taking off your clothes in a hotel bathroom? Has wondering if someone was on the other side of that mirror on the wall above the dresser made you think twice about "gettin' busy?"

    No, I've never felt that in a hotel. I feel like that in dressing rooms sometimes tho - and restaurant bathrooms sometimes. (By the way, if someone wants to watch me gettin busy - more power to ya). Sometimes tho, I will "plant" something a certain way on top of in my suitcase so I can tell if housekeeping has gone through it. They never have, that I can tell.

    6. Describe the most romantic vacation you have ever taken or if that does not apply, tell me about the worst vacation you have ever taken.
    Everytime Mark and I have gone somewhere there's been an element of romance to it. Our trip to Vegas was good because he hadn't really admitted that he wanted to be boyfriend/girlfriend, but it was the first time he held my hand. Our drive from Wash DC to Denver was good because we had 5 days to sit in the car and talk. We both loved it. The worst vacation was probably the second drive to California. Daniel was 3, Kt 5 and Amanda 9. Our car kept breaking down and we'd have to pull over so D*n could mess with it. Very stressful.


    After calling and talking to some administrative types about my experience yesterday, I've been offered another ride on a different ambulance with the same company. It'll be this Friday from 6a-6p again. Unfortunately I will have been at the GC Concert the night before, so I'll be a coffee guzzling fiend all day Friday, Im sure. They said this was a very busy ambulance, so hopefully that's true. I think we're going out with M and J again Friday night, so by Saturday I will be in a coma. Please make a note of it.

    This is interesting. Normally I always come out as "everyman" on online tests. My results never show anything too dark and sinister like... "You Are Satan" (Which Deity are you?) - or anything as equally angelic.

    However, I think the results of this test really show my recent/current mood..

    Which John Cusack Are You?

    It's stress. I cannot describe the crushing pressure in my chest when I think about the next few weeks. I have a lot of skills to get signed off on. And I'm missing a day of school on Thurs for the GC concert. It reminds me of right after D*n and I separated, and all I kept thinking "I wish I could see about 3 months in the future, and know that I'm going to be alright." So much is riding on the next couple of weeks.

    First seen at Stacey's

    What rating is your journal?

    brought to you by Quizilla

    Wow, I'm surprised. And dismayed. It makes me feel uncool, and old. How funny is that.


    A terrible, horrible no good very bad day.

    The rotation at NGA was so bad today, that I am thinking of filing a complaint. Long story, but suffice to say they are a bunch of assholes there.

    Tonight we all went out to Country Buffet and stuffed ourselves full of carbs. Katie said she was so full that she felt like she couldn't stand up properly. lol!

    Then we went to Cub Foods, who is going out of business and everything is 50% off. We filled our buggies and got out of there for $133. What was really fun was trying to find a place to put it all once we got home, cause some of it is stuff that we won't use up for a long time. Like 30 boxes of jello.

    Anyway, I'm gonna go find something interesting to do. See y'all later.


    I have to be up at 4:15 to make it to my rotation at 6. I haven't seen Mark since I left him in the bed this morning at 8:30 when I left to go get Daniel. Pft.

    Waiting up for him for a few more minutes, then I have to go to bed. Y'all have a nice Sunday.

    The Friday Five, a day late.

    1. What food do you like that most people hate?
    Biscuit dough. Not just when I'm making biscuits either, I will mix some up just to eat.

    2. What food do you hate that most people love?
    Italian food of any description. Blech.

    3. What famous person, whom many people may find attractive, is most unappealing to you?
    Helen Hunt. I hate her with a passion.

    4. What famous person, whom many people may find unappealing, do you find
    Nic Cage, of course.

    5. What popular trend baffles you?
    Two - sorta related. Boys wearing their jeans nearly mid-thigh with their boxers showing. Is that comfortable? What if you have to run somewhere?
    And girls wearing thongs and low rise jeans. Showing 70% of your underwear when you crouch is just not sexy, ladies - it's gross. It doesn't matter that it's colorful or frilly, it's still underwear.

    What day is it? What time is it? Where do I have to be today?

    That's how I feel. While it's nice being organized enough to go everywhere and get everything done, it's weighing on me. Had to get up early early th is morning and pick up Daniel in the hills, from staying with his dads. Daniel was a little bleary-eyed himself, normally sleeping till noon on the weekends.

    Gonna go run some errands with my mom, and then spend the evening quietly flipping channels on the tube. I have about three days of Starting Over to get caught up with, and a few Dr. Phils too.

    Last but not least - one Survivor note:

    I wonder if Lil realizes how many bridges she's burned, considering every remaining castaway is now a member of the jury.

    a great great great day all around.

    Was on a very busy ambulance, with some really really wild stuff. The absolute best preceptors, ever. Two guys I was really sorry to leave, I could have done another shift! They totally let me take the reins whenever I wanted, and they were very funny, friendly and cute

    Then after my 12 hours there, we went out with our friends M and J. I was almost dreading it because I was so tired, but after hooking up with them for about 5 minutes I remember how much I love being around them. The boys played pool all night, and J and I sat at a table and just talked incessantly.

    Sometimes you meet people and you really like them, but you're not sure if they're really going to be friends, or just short term buddies. We meet a lot of people like that that turn out to be not as compatible as we'd hoped. But we've gone out with them 4 times now and it just keeps getting funner and funner. I really like J, we both really feel like we've connected.

    So now here it is 1:30, and I've been up since 6. And not just up lolling around, I was runnin calls, baby! I'm telling you it was one call after another and it was awesome stuff. You know, up till now there hasn't really been anything super specific that I've wanted to blog about but some really wicked stuff happened today, and I really have to be careful about what I say, because the Federal R*gulations regarding pa*ient pr*vacy are extremely strict.

    But we went on calls today that M and J had heard on the news. Calls that I ran. The medics I was with let me completely do whatever I want, from just hanging back and lurking - or running the whole call from beginning to end, making all of the decisions, and telling them what to do. And we got on some scenes where it took me a good 3 seconds to look around and go "oh my god, I can't believe I am looking at this tragedy/mess/bullshit."

    Every student that has stayed in class this long knows they are gonna see some shit. And we all have the same feeling... - 'I can take it' - but when you get on a scene, it takes a minute for it to sink in. For your brain to process what you are seeing. It makes you just pause for a second and go "Daaayyuuummm..."

    Some calls are so sad - I was bummed about a guy we had that doesn't have a very good prognosis - and he was perfectly fine yesterday. He has a wife and baby - and if he beats the odds and lives, his quality of life will be very poor. His wife looked me straight in the face on scene and asked me if he was going to be ok.

    She rode up front on the way to the ER, which turned out to be a really bad idea because he nearly coded on the way there and it was an ugly scene. She was freaked.

    We went back to the hospital hours later to see what had happened with him, cause that was a really exciting call. The Dr.s told us he was slipping from bad to worse and it was weird how we were all quiet in the ambulance for a while after that.

    And some calls leave you open-mouthed in sheer awe - like "Wow, I didn't know a F*rd Ta*rus would fit around a pole like that."

    They let me call medical control, which is the job of calling the hospital ER en route. "This is medic so and so with *company* and we're coming in emergent with blah blah" - and waiting for a doc to tell you what advanced measures to take. I'd never ever done that before, even in a scenario. Very nerve-racking.

    God, it was fun.

    Ok, look what time it is. I have to go to bed, have to.

    Thanks for letting me verbally explode about my day. I'll try to keep it to a dull roar in the future.


    Bleh. Class tonight sucky sucky. Me no love you long time.

    I left early, really early. I tried to get "signed off" on two skills, both medical assessments and I bombed. The proctor said "If I was interviewing you, I'd hire you, that was awesome..but you missed every critical vocalization". Gah. We have to verbalize: "I am now considering contacting Advanced Life Support (ALS), I am now performing my initial assessment. I am now taking vital signs, I am now making a transport decision." Blah blah blah. Well, for some damned reason this all escaped me and I did the assessment like I was really talking to a patient. I clicked on everything, I got, I had it. I even recognized that the patient needed nitroglycerin, but couldn't have it because he'd taken Viagra the day before. The proctor also said "You will make an amazing EMT, but you've got to pass these skills at Nationals, and you have to do it like this, or you will fail for sure."

    Greeeaaat. Just great.

    I was so disgusted, I left. I've got to memorize these freakin verbalizations that are required, or I am screwed.

    Tomorrow I am doing a 12 hour stint on an alleged busy ambulance. Humph. Busy till I get there, that is. "Gee willickers, we've never had a whole day with no calls. Weird."

    I'm going to bed early, as this frantic-call-a-minute-free-for-all starts at 7:45am. See ya on the flip side. (Of a horrific rollover car crash, with pinned occupants and an ejected driver!) (..who all walk away from their injuries, because we don't actually want to wish anyone harm, no we don't. - karma, bad karma...)

    And for derbs,

    I didn't do well on the 80's test. I was having children in the 80's for chrissakes. Keeping myself medicated, wiping poopy butts, cleaning up spittle and all that. I only got 44.2%.

    Well, that was fun.

    Actually it was better today cause the kids are starting to get to know me, and some even like me. Go figure. We traced our hands and cut them out for feathers for a giant turkey that will hang on the wall. We also made a list of things we are thankful for. (Most kids didn't know what thankful meant, so we had to talk about that first).

    One girl, "L" was so funny. I really didn't care for her much at first, her looks kinda creeped me out, and her grandma is a real bitch. Anyway, we were talking and I asked her what she was thankful for and she said "wunch."

    "Wunch!" My samich in my wunch!"

    I had to giggle.

    Then I was doing the hands with two boys, one ("T") is a rambunctious ball of fire, and I really like him. They decided to rekindle the "who are you" conversation.

    J: I know who your mom is
    Me: yea?
    J: Emma
    T: Emma ain't her mom!
    J: (laffing) I mean you're Emma's mom
    T: No she's not, she's Emma's friend
    J: Well what are you doin here then?
    T: Cause she ain't got nothin better to do!!

    Word for word, that was the conversation. I almost laughed. almost.

    Then the two went into a giggle fest, talking about some kids' moms. (In a not so flattering way)

    Then I laughed. You had to, their observations are pure and blatant. Tact is not something they possess in any form.

    So, a good day so far. Class tonight, outside in the cold. I'll be so bundled I probably wont be able to put my arms at my sides.

    Breakfast with fireman Steve was great. Mark came too, even tho we met up at 7:30. Dunno if he just wanted to go or...well, who knows. (I used to date Steve a bit..)

    So we talked a lot of school and work, and life in general. He's been divorced officially since April and is dating here and there. I hope he finds someone who's really good to him. He is a catch, believe me.

    He had some good advice and some great advice. We talked about how not to get caught up in the craziness of some calls. (child abuse, severe trauma, kids deaths, etc) he said "Just remember, always's not your emergency. It's their emergency, and you're just here to help for a few minutes." Good advice.

    Anyay, my teeth are hurting a bit so I'm outta here - I'm headed for ibuprofenville.

    Am just getting ready to go to Emma's school for my semi-weekly helper stint. Not really looking forward to it today, I feel like it's an obligation that my heart just isn't into right now. But for that reason, I'm sure I need it. Kind of like being forced to look outside of myself and my issues for an hour or so and be there for the little ones. Hopefully they won't go to lunch and leave me in the dark again.

    Had breakfast with Steve, more about that later.

    Brrr, it's sooo cold!


    Today's not been a good day.

    Misunderstandings, being irrational (me) and just general things being not good.

    I know it's stress and just me feeling overwhelmed. It will pass. Things will change soon.


    Just got back from getting my 2nd Hep B shot. Gah. The shot is no problem, it's the people in the clinic. I have never seen a more motley group of rude, self-important a-holes in my life. No, don't put your feet down. Keep them up there on the only empty chair in the room, it's cool, I'll walk all the way around and sit on the windowsill. And helllooo? Your kid has just put a chair on top of another chair and is trying to get up there. Do you not see this? Oh, and you might want to pick up his damn zwieback toast or whatever that wet ball of mush on the floor is before someone steps in...oh nevermind now.

    Then I hit construction traffic on Ralston. Um hi. The whole point of the "stop sign man" is to let some people go one way, then let some people go the other way. Maybe you were sick that day in stop sign man school, but if you leave people sitting there waiting for 17 minutes for you to turn your sign to "slow", they're gonna say something mean to you when they eventually drive I did.

    So now I'm pretty damn grouchy. I don't know what's for dinner, the living room needs to be vacuumed, I have salt and vinegar chips stuck in my teeth and I my right eye is blurry.

    Stay far away.