Desert Sand Mica

Whatever, just crash it Bob...


It's here, we're moving. Forecast for today is 97 freaking dregrees. Why do I always move in July? Tomorrow the forecast is for 91. Monday 98.


No posting for a while, see ya soon.


Dy posted a link to me from her blog. It says "My soon-to-be ex-husband's girlfriend's blog". I freaking love it.

We're in pretty good shape. Boxes containing the entire contents of 'my life up to this point' are lining the walls and closets. Katie has had the easiest time I think, she saves virtually nothing. Her clothes are kept to the "I really wear all these" minimum, and she's not a packrat by any means. Daniel on the other hand still has everything he's ever acquired in his 14 years on earth. He still has pokemon cards, hot wheels, rocks, and pogs...all among an assortment of one of a kind junk you've never seen the likes of before.

My bedroom is probably in the worst shape of all. Too many clothes, too much shit in general. I am now labeling boxes not kitchen, bedroom or bathroom, , but "crap".

I started thinking about the "last" boxes you pack. I am a long ways away from that, but I keep coming across things that I say to myself..."Oh, this needs to go in the last box". Items that you use almost right up until the very last minute, or things that just didn't have a place in any other box. The last box inevitably holds things like hairbrushes, curling irons, makeup, deodarant, etc. But the stuff laying around at the last minute has to go in there too. So you will also find in the last box items like a fork, a lighter, one playing card, two puzzle pieces, a book, a spatula, one red sock and a carrot. You know I'm right.

I had dinner already, it's only 8:20 something and I'm already hungry. lol Dy, we had Hamburger Helper! I am certainly the queen of cuisine.

I did some editing on the Blog Cast over there. Just fyi.

It's Friday, and I'm freaking out about all the things I have to do and all the things that are not going to get done.

Gail left me this list of things that she wanted done while she's gone, and I haven't done one single one. I really have been busy. We had a big mailing, a Board Meeting, and then of course the damn Parks shit. And don't even talk to me about packing.

We drained (attempted to) Mark's waterbed last night, and it was just bleh. We started too late, and by the time we were halfway done, we were grouchy, sleepy and bickering. Not good. We decided to make up..and leave the bed till tomorrow. lol. We slept on the hide a bed and it was kinda cool.

Mark showed up here at the Library with Katie and Daniel a little while ago, we all went to lunch at Subway with Drew. Mark and Drew talked about cars, Katie and I talked about what a pain Daniel is. Daniel sat and bitched about stuff, and tried to get people to try his jalapeno chips.

Dy (Mark's wife) wrote a great blog yesterday, and talked a little bit about her and I in it. She said she refuses to call our relationship "dysfunctional." Ok, so we aren't dysfunctional, we'

After I'd known Mark for a while, I kept asking him if I could meet Dy and he kept hemming and hawing about it. He kept saying he wanted to keep things simple, and not piss Dy off unneccesarily, etc. Which at the time was probably a good thing, because I wasn't aware that there was still some intimacy going on there, and Dy may have blown a gasket, deservedly so. Things were fresh then. But after a time Dy knew about me through obvious signs, and then it was just stupid for us not to meet. And I kept telling Mark I wanted to meet Emma's mom, and it was only fair to let Dy meet me, someone she knew was spending a lot of time with Emma. When we finally did meet we hit it off very well, and are continually amazed at how alike we are, and how much we make each other laugh. We've hit a few potholes along the way, but have learned a lot from them. I'm not quite sure what she thinks about this whole moving-in-thing, but I think she's ok with it. Her main concern is Emma of course, and I'm pretty sure she knows we all love Emma to the hilt. I make a concerted effort not to be a mom to Emma, but I do prod Mark along when I sense he's floundering.

Her whole post from yesterday was fun. Emma was having a meltdown sorta day, and since I know Emma so intimately, I can totally imagine what Dy was going through. I hope me linking her prods her to write more posts like yesterday, which are so fun to read. She mentioned wanting to link me back. Of course, sure. She wants to link me as "my husband's live-in girlfriend's blog" I guess thats better than what she called me previously, which was Mark's "gal-pal". Eep. That sends resounding messages to my brain of a 55 year old platinum blonde with leathered skin, her bra strap hanging halfway down her arm, getting ready to go play Bingo.

We're all blog ho's really. Tell Debra this blog is brought to her by the letters F and U. (In the most affectionate I-dont-know-you sorta way). And mention that all that pent up passionate disdain for all things bloggish is ultimately going to give her a bleeding ulcer, and we'll all come and visit her in the hospital...

Right after we blog about it.


Ok, ok. Im here.

I was just thinking that last night is probably the last night Mark and I will spend apart for some time. It was kind of nice, but I do miss him when he's not around. I wonder how different things will feel when we are all in the house together. All of our stuffed all mished mashed, hanging around the house together at night and on the weekends. We do that now, but it always feels like "company" - even after all this time. We've talked a lot about situations that could possibly trip us up in the future, and I think we have a pretty good grasp of how to deal with most everything. Like Mark always says "This works well on so many levels."

So, technically I had about two years of 'single-ness', and now am embarking on a relationship of unknown proportions. Im excited, but also a little scared of a negative outcome. What if things don't work out? I will be heartbroken. What if they do work out? Is this the best thing available to me? Right now I believe it is. Mark always says also "nothing is ever set in stone." Lol. Typical non-commital male.

I think I can make this work for as long as we both want it to. I do have a few walls still up, since there is no positive affirming commitment. I feel like I have to protect myself from what could happen. I know I love him, and I know he loves me. And that has to be enough for today.

It's about 8:45 am, and Im dragging ass to go to work. Board Meeting today. Fuuck.

I'm listening to Avril Levigne and just chillin. The kids are up and about, going to Water World today. Daniel has a season pass, and usually rides the bus there. (90 mins each way!) We used to get a pass for everyone in the family every year, when I was off in the summer. It totally rocked. I miss it. Today Dan is picking them up and Cindi (my sister) is bringing them home. Whee. I'll be at work. *pout.

Here's one of my favorite things at Water World, Thunder Bay. It's a huge deep pool, and every few minutes an enormous wave washes up from the back of the pool and drowns everyone. Terrific fun.

Ok, here's something weird. I was sitting outside reading today, (man, I love working at the Library) and these two guys walked passed (black, not that it matters) and said "hey" they knew me. I just looked up, and then he said

"Nice Legs".

What is that? It reminds me of Jerry Seinfelds monologue about guys honking their horns at women. "This is what we do. We're out of ideas".

I revamped the Recommended list, over there---> Read em, they're good. baby thataway's blog is Mark's wife. Yea, I know. We're delightfully dysfunctional.

I have some more to add tomorrow, but their url's are saved on my pc at work.

I really really love this song. It so needs to be cranked in the car.

Complicated - Avril Lavigne

...I like you the way you are
When we're drivin' in your car
and you're talking to me one on one but you've become

Somebody else round everyone else
You're watching your back like you can't relax
You're tryin' to be cool you look like a fool to me
Tell me

Why you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated
Life's like this you
And you fall and you crawl and you break
and you take what you get and you turn it into honesty
and promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it

Mark's borrowing my burner. I really need to put this on a CD. Wah.

Hey, I bought a domain. I rock. I will move my website there soon (not th is one) cause I'll be losing my ISP when I move. If anyone is ever looking for a great ISDN/DSL isp, use interfold. They have been nothing but wonderful to me, and the service is stellar.

It's late, I'm foggy and I didnt do the work that I brought home. Tomorrow is a Board Meeting, the first one since all of the "The Library hates the Friends" bullshit started. Well, correction, the first one that the staff has been invited to. There's been a few secret pow wows (which of course Ive seen all the notes from) but this one will be interesting. I hope they open the floor up to the staff. We could be there a while.


Ladies in New England, what's wrong with you? This is my cousin, David. Son of my mother's sister. We are relatively close, considering we are across the country from each other. He is in New Hampshire, I of course am in Colorado.

This is his car.

He is painfully single and the nicest guy on the planet. He travels, and just around the corner he's leaving for France, Switzerland, Austria, and Germany and is trying to talk an office mate into going with him, because he doesn't have a girlfriend. It's insane. He went to New Zealand last year and Bunjee jumped alone.

Was chatting with him earlier:

Session Start (AIM - Wed Jun 26 18:48:13 2002)

David: hey
Me: hey
David: what's up in fire country?
David: you toasting marshmallows?
Me: mm. moving this weekend. Fire fire fire shit shit shit. Dont you read my blog?
David: moving? in with M?
Me: Well, we got a house together
David: very good - you should be happy
Me: Im ecstatic.
David: cool
Me: what about you?
David: I'm not moving in with Mark
Me: aw, c'mon, it'd be fun.
David: that it would
David: waiting for thunderstorms to roll through, it's HOT here
Me: does the rest of the country think colorado is burnt?
David: sure seems it from the news
Me: we're seeing very little effect now...but it's all over every newscast.
David: it's rained here more in the past month than all last year I think...went from official drought to back to normal I think
Me: we're dry.....dry..dry..
Me: and fucken hot
Me: are you seeing anyone?
David: nah
David: going on vacation next month, trying to talk some girl at work into going, but just for kicks, she's 28 and just a kook, no interest in anything else
David: I did just get a referral from a dating service I joined (I know.....sad)
Me: the girl at work probably doesnt believe you are asking her for real.
David: yeah, she knows it's for real, I think at first she didn't
David: she's trying to figure out if she can afford it
Me: offer to help her. she wants to go.....
David: she just bought a house so she's feeling the pinch
Me: where are you going??
David: France, Switzerland, Austria, Germany
Me: FUCK. Tell her you'll help her. do you want to? it might be awkward.
Me: like that blind date on New Years Eve I talked you out of.
David: nah, it would be fun, we just have fun talking and goofing off
Me: well, then pay her airfare or something.
Me: Tell her you got an amazing bogo deal.
Me: who cares if she knows your lying.
David: Shes just a talkaholic
Me: eep. see, that might get nutty overseas
Me: especially 24/7
David: I look at her and say "I'm exhausted just listening to you"
Me: god. It takes me 6 months to save to go to Atlanta
David: I'm easy, just let me take pictures, drink wine, I'm happy
David: yeah, but we're single, no kids, no debt (for me) and overpaid
David: nice combo
Me: im jealous
Me: i work so hard for so little, it seems like
David: don't be, I'm jealous of you, you have good kids and enjoy life more
Me: oh, i doubt that. I want to travel a lot, I would love to see "somewhere else". We're just strapped.
David: I see you're advertising for me....cute, just looking at web pages
David: i'm not picky at this point...not true, too picky for my own good
David: I'm doomed to be a hermit
Me: well, fuck.
David: You should happy
Me: I am.
Me: im so so happy.
Me: im so glad i never listened to you.
Me: LOl
David: that's good advice for anyone!
David: smart ass
David: the heart is a strange thing...always wins out over the mind
David: as it should

He is so great. Someone snap him up, he needs someone nice.

I wrote this and posted it at BF:

(I think my fonts are all messed up, does this text look funny?)

In 1954, Congress amended the official version of the Pledge of Allegiance of the United States to add the words "under God" -- a move then-President Dwight Eisenhower said would demonstrate "the dedication of our Nation and our people to the Almighty."

The Supreme Court today overturned that ruling. The decision coming about because of a challange from an Atheist in California (Michael Newdow) who feels that the Pledge of Allegiance forces his children to acknowledge a God that the state endorses.

The case turned on interpretations of the "Establishment Clause" of the First Amendment to the Constitution, which requires that Congress "make no law respecting an establishment of religion."

The clause has already been a factor in rulings regarding school prayer and public Christmas displays.

While Newdow's daughter -- like other U.S. students -- was not required to recite the pledge, he said she was nevertheless hurt by being forced to "watch and listen as her state-employed teacher in her state-run school leads her classmates in a ritual proclaiming that there is a God."

Opponents feel that this attitude is nothing more than "fevered individuals wishing to remove all traces of any God from public life", and question whether the proponents of the ruling have any trouble using the money we handle daily, labeled "In God We Trust".

Bush spokesman Ari Fleischer (speaking in Canada where the president was attending the G8 summit,) said Bush had instructed the Justice Department to look into the case.

"I think most Americans are going to be stunned by this... I think this ruling is not going to sit well with the country and certainly does not sit well with the president of the United States," Fleischer said.


I remember reciting the pledge every day in school, and not ever thinking twice about it. It was a chore. I got no impression of any God from it. It was inconsequential.

When my kids were in elementary school, the school itself pulled the Pledge from the daily protocol and replaced it with a "Feel good" pledge. "I am special. Nothing anyone says or does to me can take that away." Fine. Whatever. It was the era of self-esteem.

So what do you think? Under God? or..are we?

Paranoia? or...Ne'er the twain shall meet, those folks in the church and state, that is.

I personally think the Pledge should have been pulled along time ago. Those that know me know I'm not saying that cause I don't love God. But what about non-Americans? Should they have to listen and recite cold war propaganda for a country that isnt theirs, along with atheists reciting public affirmation of a God they don't believe exists?

Still perusing the webby award. Go here if you want to check them out too. But here's something interesting I found. The webby winner in the "Spirituality" category was but the people's choice award in the same category was

Yet another example of the "people" wanting us to look for spirituality one place...and us finding it somewhere else.

This is so incredibly fun! My buddy Ray sent me the links to some of the winners of the webby awards, and this was People's Choice winner for personal web site. It's fabulous, and you just might see some of these ideas implemented on my own website. Is that stealing? No, I dont think so. The trick is to take the idea and give it a new spin. Whee. I just spent an hour and a half on this guys site. It's fun.

What's not so fun is the personal site that won 1st place. It's Free Lori. It's a site about the woman from New York that was convicted in Peru of being a militant, and aiding guerillas, etc. I spent a lot of time on that this morning too, and came away confused and basically unwilling to read any further. I have no idea if she belongs in prison or not. The conviction and sentence seems overkill to me, but Im not entirely sure she didn't do something wrong. Check it out, enlighten me.

Then there's packing. That's all I can think about.


Lot's of people link to this person. I have no idea why. I find her to be seeker sensitive, and pious. Look at ME! Look at ME some MORE! Bleh. She's not keeping a blog, she's on stage...

Write for yourself, people. Fuck everyone else.

I am entirely too busy for one person to cope.


This is fabulous.

From kt's blog: (email me for the link)
Sunday, June 23, 2002

The Vans Warped Tour was today. Oh my gosh, it was so hot. We left my end of town at 11 and didnt actually get out of the car until about 12:45. It would have normally been a 30 minute drive but the traffic for the concert was insane.
There were so many f*ing people there. Lesbians, old people, beautiful people, ugly people, dirty, smelly people, and so many more. Charlie and I got seperated from Megan and Kathy a few times but they always found thier way back. I think the best band was probably Anti-Flag or New Found Glory. We got a bunch of cool shwag. I cannot even begin to explain how tired we are tho.

I am eating Quaker grits, and they are so f*ing good.

Charlies shoe got lost in the pit during Anti-Flag, and I LOVE those shoes, so I dove in to find it. It didnt even take that long, and I snatched it out of the sweaty grass.
I think it was far too overcrowded. By the end, you couldnt even see the grass, it was completely saturated with water bottles and shit like that. It was absolutely disgusting. And when you are actually in the crowd for a band, you cant breathe, move, or think. You just stand in the blistering heat pretending you love it, because you really do. Water was 3 dollars and we must have spent a fortune on it. Even tho the people were smelly and the food was overpriced, Charlie and I had a great time. I wish I would have worn a tank top, tho.
Overall, Warped Tour ROCKED. I would recommend it, but I would also recommend staying home next time so that we arent suffocating in the crowds. Im so selfish.
posted by Katie O'Shea at 11:11 PM

I'm gonna do one of these stupid damn things. Only cause someone asked me nicely.

Nicknames: Dani, Danny (in person) Star. (online)
Birthplace: Denver, CO (and I'm still here)
Age: 40
Birthday: May 22
Hair Color: Blondish/Brown - usually colored blonder
How long/thick is your hair: Pretty long, mid back? Used to be thicker but still ok.
Eye Color: Hazel/turquoise contacts (shut up, they look least i don't have fake nails.)
Height: 5'4"
Personality: Sarcastic, thoughtful, funny
Do you drink? Sometimes, almost never at home
Have you had your appendix or tonsils out? No/Yes
Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Yes.
Have you ever been convicted of a crime? Convicted? No.
'Dream' dream car: 67 Stang convertible
Favorite place to visit: I loved Vegas, but OD'd on it very quickly. Now I want to go to the beach.
Favorite soft drink: Diet Coke or coffee
Adidas, Nike, or Reebok: Um, Payless.
Favorite Blog: Mine, then Sharons. (fragmented, over there --->)
Favorite subject in school: Photography/Yearbook
Least favorite subject in school: History
Favorite movie: Fargo
Favorite book: Ooh, too many here.
Favorite alcohol: Maybe Caffrey's or Fat Tire
Favorite sport to watch: Is Fear Factor a sport?
Favorite sport to play: Softball
Anything different about you: I collect knives.
Tattoos/Piercings: Ears pierced, 2 tattoos
Quotes: "I'll sleep when I'm dead" - Warren Zevon
Favorite ice cream: Cookie Dough
Favorite color: Purple
What's your bedtime: midnight
Favorite TV Show: Survivor/Six Feet Under
Words or phrases that you overuse: Goddammit. Shoot.
Something that can be improved upon: My housekeeping
What you want to be: Financially secure
The one place you would like to see: Greece
Famous person you have met: David Copperfield, Jeff Goldblum
Favorite animal: Rodents. Seriously.
Are you too shy to ask someone out: Not even.
Have you ever thought you were going to die: No.
Do you believe you have a soul mate: I believe there are several.
Have you ever felt you were in love: Yes.
Do you pray: Sometimes
Do you attend church: Not usually. Used to, a lot.
Single or attached: I think I'm attached.

There you go. Comments, complaints, criticisms can be filed under F and U.

Drew just fixed my sunglasses. He is the man.

I feel like I should be blogging, but I really have nothing to say.

My house is a mess, (boxes) I am in dire need of lunch, I have a headache and cramps, I have too much to do, and I just broke my sunglasses.

We're going by the new house tonight to show it to the kids finally.

Guess that's it for now. booring.


We decided to stay at Mark's house tonight, so he can get an early start of stuff he needs to get done around here. Fine. Except he already had his satellite turned off, so we are reduced to watching fuzzy local television. Bleh.

Gail is gone for one more week, and I havent even touched the list of things she left for me to do. The "Parks Tour" stuff started, and that totally focuses on me, so I have been very busy setting that up. It's going smoothly but it's very time consuming. Basically, the Library sets up tours of local parks every year, and I coordinate the lectures, the registration, the payment, the medical waivers, etc. etc. The tours arent until late August and already its getting crazy. What's with these geezers and their parks tours?

I got a little bit more packing done, and kt has been doing a lot too. I just talked to her to see how the concert went today. She said it was insane, but really fun. They were selling bottles of water for $3. It lasted from noon-8pm. I wish I could have gone.

I can't wait to be in the new house, but they just said on the news that next weekend was going to be really hot. We need to move in the middle of the night or something.

Hope everyone had a grand weekend. If anyone of you would like to be in Denver next weekend and help us move, we'd appreciate it. Free pizza, beer, and a peek at what's really inside my dresser drawers.



If I hear that one more time, I'm gonna slap someone.

No, we don't care who won.
No, we don't care who is out.
No, we don't care what happens if so-and-so loses.

99.9% of the people I know are so ridiculously sick and tired of any reference to "the cup" that we will puke on your shoes i f you mention it again.

We actually have like, no plans this weekend. Weird.

I was reading Alan's blog and thinking about his dog that's old and sick. I was thinking about how long dogs normally live, and when you ask someone h ow old their old, sick dog is, you expect them to say "he's 15" or "Oh, he's 18." I started luaghing, thinking how funny it would be if you asked someone how old their dog was and they said "Oh, he's 32."

These are the things that go through my mind.

Sunday is the Warp Tour. No I am not going, and I'm not happy about it. Katie said I would get killed there. Bleh. Her and Charlie are going with Megan and some other friends. Im tempted to let them take my digital camera and take some pics of Good Charlotte and New Found Glory. But not that tempted. Go download New Found GLory's "Sincerely Me' and listen to what I've been blasting 24/7 lately. Make me happy. Humor me.

You're the "I'm So Drunk" drunk.
"I'm drunk." - pause - "I'm so-o-o-o drunk."

Frighteningly accurate.

What kind of drunk are you?


Look, Im packing!

First, you pile everything onto your bed:

Then you start sorting stuff and putting it in boxes:

Then you get tired and throw everything on the floor:

No, no , no. I didn't throw everything on the floor. We packed several boxes, and the stuff on the floor is all clothes to be gone through and sorted for Goodwill, ebay, etc.

We're getting there.

I'm going through boxes in my closet. Some have not been opened since I moved here from my "married" house in Northglenn 2 years ago. Some things are very very sad to look at. Also found some pictures of my gramma. That made me weep. Was listening to Neil Sedaka "The Hungry Years" at the time. Note to self: Don't do that.

The Hungry Years -

...We spun so fast we couldn't tell
the gold ring from the carousel
How could we know the ride would turn-out bad

Everything we wanted,
was everything we had

I miss the hungry years
the once upon a time
the lovely long ago
we didn't have a dime...

those days of me and you,
we lost along the way
how could I be so blind
not to see the door
closing on the World
I now hunger for
Looking through my tears,
I miss the hungry years

We shared our day dreams one by one
Making plans was so much fun
We set our goals and reached the highest star

The things that we were after
were much better from afar

Here we stand just me and you
with everything and nothing too
It wasn't worth the price we had to pay
Looking through my tears,
I miss the hungry years
I miss the hungry years …


I've added a blog to the "recommended" list. W-a-y worth it. Read what she wrote about her grandmother the other day. We can all relate.

Im wondering how aghast Mark would be if he saw the picture at jeblessa's blog. If Dy reads this, she'll go there and know why. lol. I dont think Mark reads here much anymore, so I think we're safe.

I feel like I have a lot to blog about. But I've got to get some real work done first. See ya this afternoon.


I have nothing interesting to say.

We've packed. a Lot. The balcony closet is done. The coat closet is almost done. The hall closet is almost done. Mark is going through CD's and videotapes now.
I smell gross, and likely look even grosser.

We drove to Fairplay yesterday and picked up Emma. Her and Mark went the Lion King last night...through a ticket snafu I didn't get to go. No big deal, I was a little disappointed, but it was good for just them to go.

We are so close to moving. God, I will be so glad to have so much more space.

I had lunch with Amand and my mom today. Whee. It was fun tho, I felt a little snubbed tho, Amanda and my mom had other plans after lunch. I just felt a little ignored, no biggie. I'll get over it.

Back to work tomorrow. I think it will feel like relaxation after this weekend.


take the emo quiz
.created by jessi

"oh my god.oh MY god.
stick this in your blog, and show the world that
you are a fourteen year old nutcase!"



Some good stuff I've read lately: I dont put them up as Recommended Reads cause there's usually something glaringly annoying about their site. (which I of course have taken the liberty to point out to you here). But they're worth a gander, anyway.

Tales of a Bathroom Scale
What's annoying about it: Page loads verrry slowly, and she doesn't have any pictures.
What I like about it: Watching someone else struggle with their weight.

Cat's Pajamas
What's annoying about it: She doesn't post that often, and the template is really really blech.
What I like about it: She's pretty funny, and can be a royal bitch sometimes, like me.

My RedNeck Neighbor
What's annoying about it: It hasn't been updated since April.
What I like about it: It's really funny.

Goatee Style
What's annoying about it: There is at least one link in every post.

Whats annoying about it: He has about 200 blog links, and he posts infrequently.
What I like about it: It's a fresh young perspective on life's daily crap.

Ok, there ya go. that should give you something to do for a while.


I am still at work.

The wonderful Tony Hillerman is still speaking downstairs and I am dying of boredom. There are 550 people in a room with a capacity of 340. Please, someone start shooting.

Wow, This is one scary mother fucker.

Im blogging like a madwoman today. So solly.

From kt's new blog - (I cant give you the url, sorry. If you write me and I know who you are, then maybe). She had a great blog about a year ago, but abandoned it, even after much finger wagging from me. So, she's started a new one. Im stoked.

~June 10, 2002 - 2:07pm~
--So this will be my blog. I will not promise that I'll blog every day, or even every week. But sometimes I might blog 9 times in one day. I'm flaky about the whole blog thing, I have to be pretty blazed to blog. I couldn't keep a blog during the school year, but its not like anyone was missing anything, my school was a ghetto version of an average high school. The people there were enough to make someone puke, most everyone was clueless about what was happening in the world and had no plans or goals further than what they were doing friday night. There were a few decent people, but I'm glad to announce I won't be attending Overland next year. The teachers were great, but the students were lame examples of human beings.
I have worked at fucking Applebee's for 7 months now. I don't know if I am going to work at another one when we move. You cannot have exposed tattoos, and I'm thinking of getting my whole body covered in them (joking). But maybe one or two more.

~June 12, 2002, 5:38 a.m.~
This is really pissing me off.
Notice the time, yes, 5:30am. I went to bed at 12, woke up at 3, and couldn't sleep since. THERE IS NOTHING TO DO!
Im sick of watching tv, all thats on is the news. woohoo. Fire fire fire. shit shit shit.
And what am I going to do today? Absolutely nothing. Probably sit on my ass until I have to work. Summer can really get to be a drag. Charlie works all day, I work all night, and the boredom overcomes my soul. Wow, this really stinks, I can't even think of anything to blog about. My brother was still awake at 4. I wish he would sleep in his own damn room so that I could go watch the satellite cable in the living room. Im stuck with 5 channels.
Maybe Ill try to sleep.
...yeah right.

Too damn funny. She's a great blogger.

"No more Adipex overdoses for you, little lady."

God good. I was up till nearly 5 am, trying to sleep and just not. I took a total of 2 Adipex yesterday, and whee! I started getting sleepy around 11, so I went to bed and slept till around 2 am. I woke up and Mark still wasn't in bed, so I got up to see what he was doing. Him and Daniel were busily constructing more rodent contraptions. Sheesh. After that, I didn't sleep at all till much later. Last time I let my self look at the clock it was 4:38 am. Now today I am at work and sleepy as all get-out.

Your mind does crazy shit when you're laying in bed wide awake. I started thinking about when Kt ran away. I've been reading this book called "The Year Without Michael" and I think that's really what had me focusing on this. I got the book for Daniel to read, it's a young adult book, but I started reading it myself and wanted to finish it. In the book, a 14 year old boy is missing and it's basically what his family goes through during this first year that he's gone. It's so campy and ridiculous, granted it's written for a much younger audience, but it's so unrealistic.

It's hard to talk about and remember those days when we didn't know where kt was. The first realization, the panic, the desperation, the sadness. I was completely inconsolable, and barely have any recollection of actual thoughts at all. It was in February, and it was really cold. Late into the first night that she was gone, it started snowing, and I remember standing on the balcony in the snow bawling. I had mental pictures of her passed out somewhere, with snow building up on her face. I also remember laying face down in a fetal position in her room and just sobbing hysterically. There is no feeling comparable to this in the world.

Both Brock and Mark came over that night, and they were instrumental in keeping me focused on trying to find her. We tried to find things in her computer, and in her room that would give us some indication of where she was, but we always came up empty.

I was sort-of "with" Brock then, and he stayed the night with me. I remember laying on the couch and being so sad and heartbroken that it wasn't Mark that was there with me. Seeing Mark leave late that night added so much sadness to the situation. Brock was a comfort, but it wasn't what I truly wanted. Brock and I have a lot of water under the bridge now, and I know that if he sees this, he'll understand. We gave it a go, but my heart was somewhere else, and so was his.

Mark and I had some great ceiling time last night, and it made me sad all over again that he wasn't there with me during probably the worst thing I've gone through yet. We talked about what it means to be there for each other now, and how much we rely on each other and hope we can keep the feelings we have now for a long time. It makes me happy to think that in the future, he will be there for me during the tough times, and vice versa. No one can promise forever, but for now, it's so nice.

Kt and I have a better relationship now than we've ever had, and I know she regrets making me sad and scared. She's 16, and will likely leave home after just a couple of years, which makes me very very sad. This time tho, hopefully she'll tell me where she is.

Love ya, Kat.

Mystery solved. Serendipity saw me poking around her site through her sitemeter. Looove the sitemeter, lemme tell ya. She had also sent me a yahoo message commenting on my blog, which I responded to, but then she dis-ka-peared. (Amanda used to say that when she was little). So, she buzzed me and said she was a fan, but I never really knew "who" she was. So, it wasn't as random as I thought, but still hella cool.


I put a new page up on my website, called "My POS Car". It's a riot. Go see.

Oh, and we have this huge author's event tomorrow night. Tony Hillerman will be here for a reception and a reading. I've never heard of him, much less read his books...but you'd think it was Jesus himself the way people are behaving. "Who is escorting him?" (there's signs, he'll find us) "He's infirm, do we have an alternate plan if he can't stand up for the reading?" (a chair, helloo?) "What if people try to sneak in?" (To a book reading? puhlease.) I'm on photo duty, as usual. That's fiiiiiine with me. Should be fun tho, these always are. Free food and booze. Is there anything else in life worth staying after work for?

I don't even know what I was talking about when I wrote about link whores. That post makes absolutely no sense what so ever. I don't even know what I meant to say. Please ignore the fogged out ramblings of pre-menopausal females in heat.

One thing I do hate hate hate, are team blogs tho. Ack. The scourge of the blog community. I have not found one dedicated blogger that likes/loves/reads/tolerates team blogs. We all hate them. Really.

Im a speeding fool today.

Anticipating the type of day I was likely to have today, I took my Adipex in "one-and-a-half" pill form. I've done that frequently, yet here it is one month after my first Rx of it, and I still have 3 pills left. There's been enough days where I haven't taken any at all, to even everything out. I'm half afraid to call Dr. Bumbler and get the Rx refilled, I missed an appointment to have my triglycerides re-checked, so he might get grouchy about that.

So, back to what I was saying. So I took one-and-a-half, and now I am a speed demon from hell. Which is a good thing, cause Gail has piled more shit on me today than she has in two weeks. She's so worried that the Board packets aren't gonna be ready, or aren't gonna be right..whatever. Shit....I could do this in my sleep. She's been so preoccupied anyway with all this We are the Library and we hate the Friends bullshit that I don't think she even notices what any of us are doing at this point.

This is funny or weird or maybe not. I went to a blog that I've been reading sporadically, Serendipity, and saw that she had a link to me. I must have sent her a note or something saying I had been reading her site, and left her my link. I have no recollection of that tho. But I must have. That would just be too damn weird if it was random. She has a link on her site to Christopher Walken's Blog, but I admit I'm a bit skeptical. Is it really CW's blog? How do we know that? There's no way to tell. I read it today and it was mildly absorbing, but I just couldn't get passed the "is it or isn't it" feeling.

I need to go outside and get some damn air, but Gail will not fucken leave. I know she'll freak if I go anywhere now...she's totally on her way out. Then again, she's been on her way out for two fucking hours. Get out, already. Go...vacate to your vacation. Have fun. Tell Nantucket hello. Scram, spinstah.

I don't feel as fat today. I feel pretty cute. lol - I really need to work on my esteem.


I just read my post about how I thought it was cool that people come here to read my shit. And I started thinking about link whores. People that link you so you will link them. I really really hate that. If I link someone, it's because I really like what they write, and I think other people should see it too. And if I do link them, I always send a note asking if it's ok. I include my blog address to be polite.

I would hope they'd look here before they gave the go ahead to see if my site was something they wanted to be remotely connected with. I could care less if you link me back...that's not my agenda. I read around 15 blogs daily. The same blogs, every day. I don't link them all here, because...well, just because I don't want to. Im considering putting pu a "recently read" blogs list, a blatantly stolen idea from jeblessa. That might be cool. Could we hang with that?

There are folks Ive asked lately if I could link them, but have just been lazy about actually doing it. I don't want to have 45 blog links on my recommended list, I think that's ridiculous. The one's that are there are there for a reason.

My 2 yen for the day.

Daniel took this picture outside yesterday, when the smoke and haze was really bad. I havent doctored the color at all, just the size. Look at the sun...weird.

From this:

Unfreaking believable. Despite giving them a hard time now and then I've always resisted the idea that the DC cops were really fundamentally incompetent, that the seeming inscrutability of Chandra Levy's disappearance and murder might simply be the result of ridiculously inept police work.

Now I've changed my mind.

As you no doubt know, Levy's remains were found recently in an isolated section of DC's Rock Creek park.

But a couple days ago a fellow Chandra-phile and I were watching Greta Van Susteren's show when she and a couple guests -- a renowned forensic pathologist and a retired DC cop -- did a walkaround through the area where Levy's remains were found. What they found a bit disconcerting was that there was a lot of stuff there that the police hadn't bothered to pick up -- a shoe, an empty condom wrapper, some rope, and some other stuff.

Almost certainly this stuff had nothing to do with Chandra's death. But it certainly could have. And certainly tons of people are going to go to the spot over the coming days and weeks to see the area and if this was evidence it'll be gone or compromised before long. The point is, you pick up everything and go through it to see if it might have any relevance to the case. (I know they're overflowing with hot leads and all but ...)

Anyway, it seemed like they'd already done a pretty shoddy search.

Well, today the two Levy family investigators -- former DC cops -- went to scene to see what they could find. And what did they find? A sock? Panties? Some hair that might have been Chandra's?


Try her shin.

They found what appears to be her left tibia. (The bone hasn't been DNA tested yet. But on the basis of size and wear the DC Medical Examiner told the Washington Post that his "working hypotheses is that it comes from Chandra.")

The bone was apparently some 25 yards from where Levy's skull recovered. But this isn't like a toe or something. It's like a foot long.

It simply beggars belief.
-- Josh Marshall

When was the last time your weather forecast used the word "smoky" ?

Also -

A diligent reader pointed out that I haven't really made it clear that the moving situation involves all of us. Mark and I are moving into the house together. He's either selling his condo, or getting a renter...That hasn't been decided yet. Sorry for the confusion. Have I even blogged about the house? Not really, I suppose.'s the jist. It's a 4 level, 4 bedroom house in West Arvada, a great community about 15 miles north of us. Big bedrooms, family room and a living room, fireplace, nice landscaping, big kitchen and a nice back yard..and the schools are hella close. We're moving in close to two weeks, and nary a box is packed. Someone please come to my house and pack boxes. Please.

I feel like a fat blob today, even though I've lost some poundage recently. Yes, lost it..but I'm sure it's around the next corner waiting to be found again.


Wait till I tell you about Saturday night. Insane. Completely and utterly insane. But I have to work now, sorry. I'll be back later.

Ive had a site meter up here at my blog for a short time, since March 11. I've been surprised at the number of visitors, but it's not jaw dropping. Since March 11, 2002 the blog has had 1411 visitors. That's pretty cool.


I just put a site meter up on my webpage on June 8th, 2 days ago. Site meter shows a freaking 118 visitors since then. That's insane! But hella cool.

So why is it cool that us bloggers and amateur web masters are getting "looked at"? Do we care? I know I do. But I don't know why. It's not like I get strokes and compliments from my visitors. Rarely does anyone ever send me a note at all. So who is all this for? Is it for our own personal gratification, or is it for you? Are we doing this for someone else's acceptance, or can it be construed more as art? And if it is considered an art form, it has to be viewed. Art unviewed can hardly be called art at all.

I know for me, I see it as personal expression, and cathartic unleashing.

I don't post every single thing that happens in my life, some of it is intensely private...but I post about most things. Writing to me is therapy. The fact that someone else finds it entertaining is very cool to me.

For whatever reason, I'm totally stoked that you're here.

GLENWOOD SPRINGS -- Under skies marked by a furious tangle of flames and smoke, eight wind-lashed fires consumed desert-dry terrain across the Front Range and Western Slope on Sunday.

From Grand Junction to Glenwood Springs to Trinidad to Colorado Springs to Lake George -- even to the concrete corridors of downtown Denver -- the fallout from the simultaneous blazes could be seen, felt and tasted.

"All of Colorado is burning today. It is a very, very serious situation," announced Gov. Bill Owens.


There is a coal seam fire burning in Glenwood Springs, and the whole city is drenched in smoke and small ash. You cant even go outside without choking, and there are many advisories for anyone with any sort of respiratory problem to stay indoors. The smell is thick even in the house. It is so strong, you feel like you're sitting right next to a campfire. These pics are both of downtown Denver, taken just a few minutes ago. It's put this golden hue to the air, and the sky is completely white. Amazing.


How interesting that my old friend Bob Carrun has found his way here. He posted a nasty message on the tag board, which I promptly removed. I've tagged his IP address on my site meter..I hope he comes by often. We'll give him something good to read, won't we? Looking for masturbation material, Im sure. He always did have a thing for me. Right, bob? Sorry, tho. I like more variety than you can provide in the 'chair. I hear is having a sale on astroglide, tho. Slick that puppy up and go to town on yourself..what dy'a say?

I just watched the Daniel Pearl videotape. It wasn't as graphic as I thought it would be, but it was horrible. Very sad. I was prepared for a scene of struggle and eventual violent decapitation or something, but it seemed all very quiet and matter of fact. They held his head up at the end, which was probably the most disturbing part about it to me. Callous and cold, it's how these people operate. All the time.

We tried to yard sale this morning, but it was just too damn hot. Was 98 degrees when we finally decided we'd had enough. Mark and Daniel are still out toodling around doing stuff here and there. I've had more than enough of the heat, and am staying put. Me and Emma just watched Shrek.


I am eating left over event food for lunch. This is my life.

Found This Blog today, while surfing other blogs. It's fun to click through 5 mediocre links and find something good.

And I wish I was only partly as cool as This chick. I wonder where I can learn to talk like that.

God, I am so tired. I don't know why I can't get it together this week. I have barely made it to work every day, and then sat here and done virtualy no real work. I hope I can rejuvenate over the weekend, although it's going to be hella maybe things will just get worse.

No plans tonight, but have some other plans coming up. Hooking up with Karen and Greg believe it or not..on Sunday. Ex best friend - ratted me out and sent my marriage on a downward spiral. She called me recently and we've decided to try to bury the hatchet (hopefully not in my back) and try to have some assemblance of a friendship. I have missed her to some degree...but there are aspects I dont miss, too. We'll see how it goes, they're coming down Sunday afternoon. She's excited to meet Mark.

I don't think Im going to make it much passed lunchtime here at work. BUt it's so hot outside, that might just be worse.

Bleh. That's all.


Ok, back at work and I think I have some time to blog. I ended up doing my Blade Show web page last night, and didn't get time to blog before dropping. Pics are up and running here.

I will start with a BF post I made at 5 am on Sunday morning from the hotel lobby:

Registered: Mar 2001
Location: Denver, CO (brr!)
Posts: 1582
I believe the first thing you should notice about this post is the time. (Remember I am two hours ahead of my bf profile time zone)
Yes, it is nearly 5 am.

The experience is truly indescribable. Those of you who have been before know what you are missing. This has been my first Blade, but definately wont be my last.

And PhilL, you'll be happy to know that Ed Fowler was present and accounted for until very late this evening at the pub we were haunting. Last time I saw him, he had a pool cue in his hand, a CRKT R&D guy on his left and a couple of pretty cute girls on his right.

And, rest assured that between Ken and I, we are fulfilling your .jpg wish list.

The people, are incredible. Putting personalities with words has been the most fulfilling thing of all. Who knew TallPaul was so..damn..tall. And Danbo? Oh my gosh, he's 6'6" at least. And in the throngs of who's who - I ran across Chris Claycombe, who traveled here from the UK for the show. He turned out to be an absolutely amazing knifemaker (He brought what he says is his 6th knife he ever made!) I will get a picture of it tomorrow, we were all stunned at the skill and natural talent.

The Spyderco booth was interesting. I approached it with a little trepidation, those of you that have been here a while know why. But it was fantastic. Sal was cordial and friendly, and it was so cool to see Joyce again, my one lingering friend from 'those days'. (Oh, and the prototypes! - spyderco nirvana.) Pics were a no no there tho. pout.

I saw Dexter, it was like meeting somebody kinda sorta famous that we knew before. I felt like I was meeting some of the knife community's finest, being lucky enough to spend time with Mike Turber, Kit Carson, GusK, Rob Simonich, Mike Williams, Gino Denning, etc etc! I missed Spark somehow..he's a priority tomorrow.

Tonight's party was the most fun I have had in a very very long time. We did a little bar hopping and finally ended up at..well, you know where. And what fun to have indulged in 3 or 4 Harp's, 2 Dogwoods, 3 kamikazes and a shot or two and then go to pay our bar tab, and it's $6.00. You are good people.

So, hello from tonight's revelers, myself included: Ken, Esav, Perry, Maurice, stab1, Ren The Devil's Trailboss (who bought me an auto Boker today, surprising me with it at the bar. He knew I had been looking for an auto all day that I was willing to part good $$ for, and just went and did this amazing gesture..for no reason at all - how cool is that?), Alchemy Pam, Yoda, Jeremy Reynolds, sam hell, Markcid84, Markcid84's friend, who's name escapes me) Tom Carey, Roy, Darrel, Chris, Mark.

Tomorrow (this morning?) we'll head back over for one more 'once-around'. I know I'll be seeing some of these people for the last time, till next year at least - and some of them..maybe never again. I'm hoping to do some pool lounging tomorrow, it's been so humid and hot, compared to what I'm used to in the Rockies.

So that was my "from Blade" BF post.

It was an amazing trip. We got in around dinner time Friday night, and went to a place called "Folks" that served deep fried, artery cloggin' southern fare. Catfish, fried chicken, grits..and of course peach muffins. We hung out in the room Friday night and had some alcohol and down time from traveling.

Saturday we went to the show first thing, and it was amazing. 500+ booths of every knife imagineable. Forumites were waving me down left and right. Everyone knew me, but I had to keep asking "and you are...?" We met a bunch of folks for lunch, and then for dinner too. We then went to the Waverly to top off the evening, and ended up staying till way after the bar closed. Moved the party out to the lobby, and got back to the room about 3:30 or so. Didn't make it to the show Sunday till after 12:30.

Sunday night we hooked up with a few more forumites, albeit a smaller group, a lot of people had left already. Drank a bit, but got in earlier, about 12:30..after finding the closest Taco Bell!

On Monday, we had nothing planned all day. Our plane didn't leave till 5:40 so we lounged around by the pool all afternoon, then packed and headed for home. Great fun.

Meeting everyone I've talked to for so long for definately the absolute highlight. Mark and I got along fabulously and we really had no problems whatsoever. We played with his little miniature Scrabble board on both flights, that really made the time pass nicely.

It was a wonderful trip, and Im so glad I went.

Now, back at work and the daily grind. Looking forward to moving, but not looking forward to actually moving the shit, you know? Ack. I keep trying to make myself pack, but making excuses. *sigh. We are moving the weekend of June 29. I will just be glad when it's over.

Guess that's it for now. Consider yourself caught up.


Here's a pic of a couple of my idols from the show -
Vince Ford, who used to work with me at Spyderco, now works for Blade-Tech..and Bob Terzoula, a knifemaker/designer. I swear, these guys are like movie stars to me.

We're baaack!

Got in later than expected last night, Denver AIrport was closed due to hail for a while, so we had to circle over southern colorado for a bit. Delayed us about an hour and a half, but we didn't really care. We just sat in the plane and played Scrabble.

Im trying to unpack and do laundry, and pack a few moving boxes too. Big post tonight about the whole trip.

So much fun!


Of course there's a pc in the lobby of the hotel! Duh!

Just getting to head over to the show for the first time. Stayed up till 3 am partying just a little to hard and we are getting a slow start t his morning! more soon.